New Create Health blog in progress here – which I hope you will follow please!
Dear Vibrant Universe,
please untie all the knots within me –
I surrender them to your graceful infinity.
Please bathe me in your living light
to cleanse me of all dis-ease.
Please assist me to keep balanced,
and to reach my optimum state of being
right here, right now, in this lifetime,
so that I might fulfill my chosen destiny.
Thanks, love, peace, blessings everywhere.
What do you really want of me? Some people seem to think they need to fulfil certain criteria for their partners, but really the answer is “I want you to just be you – the one I love.”
We don’t need to make decisions about our own lives based on what we think others want. Even if we think we know what they want, we are probably wrong!
Yes, obviously you do make decisions together about things that affect the workings of your life – logistic things – like when to have supper and what you might like to have, how to approach getting DIY tasks done, where to meet after work.
And these things certainly apply to jobs – how to work as a team to meet the objectives.
But they don’t apply to your personal choices about who you are being deep down, what you are interested in, how you behave in the world, what your lessons in life might be, what you want to learn, and do.
No one person should be influencing another to be other than themselves – this is not really love – unless they simply do not understand the implications of what they are doing, and would be willing to try to understand this in order to consider doing things differently. (Note that I said “consider” – if they do not wish to give you the freedom to be yourself even when they do understand the implications then this shows that they do not truly cherish you for who you really are, and may prefer to control you, or try to make you into someone to fit their needs.)
We should not have expectations of others, other than to be themselves, and try to make reasonable efforts to get on with each other and with things that need doing so that you can function as a couple or team. These things merely require the willingness to: communicate, compromise to reach joint decisions about practical things, and to actually get on and do your share. They have nothing whatsoever to do with trying to control or change who a person is.
If you want to try to change another to fit your needs, then you should look at why you think you have such needs. The idea of love is simply to give love and be loved in return. You love just as you are and just as they are, otherwise it is not love in the first place – it is merely some idea that you quite like someone and if you can just mould them to fit your needs they will do – but this can never work, not even if you are desperate!
We also have to understand that people are affected by circumstance, and make allowances for this – they may grow past it or not, but that does not mean we love them any more or less. Hopefully pure love will get you both through, but it is difficult if you don’t communicate. You have to not be afraid of talking – trust that the other will want to listen and at least try to understand. But it is not our job to try to ‘fix’ another, just to be there for each other. So as long as you can communicate enough to share your love, so that you do have some joy in your life together, you should be fine.
Perhaps part of cherishing is also being grateful for what you do have. Try to remember all the good things if you are in any doubt.
We should look at the good things in life in general as well, in order to cherish life itself.
Come visit our CHERISH board on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/woodmanjulia/cherish/
I love you all – but what’s the point –
We can’t change anything –
We are who we are –
So let’s let go of this old fantasy –
After all – if it’s only a game
We play here – nothing matters –
Who we are, what we do –
It’s only a choice of character
And role – we can re-write the script,
Yeah sure – do whatever fits
In each moment we play –
So long as you don’t throw yourself away
For you are the fundamental actor
Behind the stories and scenes
You so consistently deliver
To tease your body and mind.
It’s fine, we could play for all time
And not cover every imaginable insight,
for the possibilities are infinite,
so you might as well laugh, and try
to enjoy the ride you’ve got
until you stop and climb on another one.
You are the one who puts all the pieces in place
So that you can trip out again and again
Until one day you return
To the original script-writing room
To review and learn what you might have missed
Before you come back for more adventures –
So you may as well grab the chance
To get quite a few themes in
While you’re here this time anyway,
Gets a heads-up on your creative skills –
You might as well turn
Your hand to as many things
As you can, just to see
What might happen –
Just to feel what it’s like
To be in for each particular ride.
Whether you end up laughing or crying –
Remember it’s just like a movie.
Don’t get sucked in to the terrible pain,
Just move on to your next creation,
And don’t fear the many alternative endings,
Just create your own next act, scene, stage –
Who knows, it could even be delicious
If you start to get a handle on this
World of interacting holographic multi-
Sensory things you keep on dreaming up.
There is power in knowing
That it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t matter.
Life is not serious – it’s a hoot!
I’m off to make fantasies of a different nature,
A series of illusions within an illusion
In which one thing will always be clear –
Each will seem very real,
But will be shattered and rebuilt into another –
Just to illustrate the point,
And to have fun while doing so,
Of course, otherwise there would be no
point. Wanna play?
There are many stress symptoms below Julia discusses these and offers advice on dealing with stress as well as tips to improve your self-esteem.
Stress is something that can build up gradually without us noticing too much and then suddenly it becomes intolerable and we snap. Often we are forced to take a break from work, which then gives us time to think, and we realise that we need to re-organise ourselves. Or it might not be work-related, it might be a family or relationship situation than needs a rethink.
Gradually we may have given up our power – our personal power – to others – letting them tell us what to do more and more, and letting them push us harder and harder too. Often we let others walk all over principles, or ruin our environment with poisonous sniping and unfair demands.
We may know exactly what we want to do about it, or we may like some help and support to obtain some relief, then work through the issues and decide how best to move forward. We may also need help to plan whatever changes we wish to make. As a counsellor and life coach, I can help in both these areas.
Ideally if you recognise that you could do with some help before a situation gets too bad, then we can usually deal with things more constructively. I can help you by first clarifying the situation exactly, including your feelings about it, and then figuring out how best to sort things out. Communication can be key here, and I can help advise on that, and can even mediate if necessary. I can also help show you ways of dealing better with stress in the first place.
I have many tools to help you take back your power. I can help you re-connect with the deep self within, and re-kindle your joy in life. Awareness heightens your ability to make choices earlier and be more clear about your intentions too. Affirmations, inspirational quotes, and snippets of wisdom, all help boost your self esteem. Visualisations help give you relief and a sense of calm. Meditation takes you deeper – into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power. Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life. All this adds up to give you confidence to do what you want to with your time on earth, to make your life uniquely fulfilling – instead of stressful.
Life coaching is particularly suited to help you first of all be sure about what it is you want to achieve, and then plan for success, using realistic time scales for each step, with rewards for achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation. I am here to offer you support of course, but you should also ask those around you to be supportive to help keep you on track. However, if you do slip a bit, don’t beat yourself up about it, just get back on the road when you are ready.
You always have the power to choose whether to continue as you are, or whether to make changes. Even if you go on with what you are doing, then at least you will have very consciously chosen to do that….. it becomes easier once you have evaluated why you are making that choice. Awareness brings clarity to life. You are your own master.
Of course, counselling can help you deal with any issues, so that you can move on more effectively. Emotional baggage can set you back, but I can help you let it go. Also we can often get in our own way, for example, with fears sabotaging our attempts to progress. Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or friends. I can also help with relationships and sexuality. It is natural for us to have sensual and joyful relationships with those close to us and with the world around us. If you don’t identify with that, then let me help you discover these delights, which will add greatly to your sense of fulfilment as a human being. This in turn will help you find satisfaction in your other life choices, such as your career, and help you handle anything that’s needed to exist optimally.
I also love to work with young people, helping them make a meaningful transition into adulthood with a huge mixture of offerings and skills. Identity and belonging are areas we are weak on in our present day society, and this often results in a lack of understanding, confusion, disconnection, and emotional anguish, but nonetheless I can help.
In the meantime, let me end with a quote from Shakespeare:
“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”
MASTERY – Imperatives for a Masterful Life – Awareness & Intention / (So called MASTERY and what it might be, or mean. / Roundup – Beliefs & Aims / What is the Source of Life? / Does what we Believe affect what Happens to us? / What is the Nature of ‘God’ & Why would Jesus have been Crucified to save us from our sins? / What Really Matters? / What else might matter? / What can we learn to be? / What does a ‘master’ know? / What does one strive for if one wishes to work towards mastery? / Are there such things as soul contracts? / Do we learn on behalf of the ALL that is, so that the collective ONE can evolve too? / Why do ‘bad’ things happen? / As we become ‘masters’, do we find ourselves recreated anew in each moment as the same being we chose ourselves to be in the last moment, or do we continue to evolve? / HUMILITY / A little more on INTENTION / Looking back at ‘mastery’ / What might happen after death? / AWARENESS – Everywhere & Nowhere / A brief simple but powerful MEDITATION, using your intention to help others. / STREAM poem / Meditation – How to use it for Subtle Activism / Free Thinking – Helping our Young People to Think for themselves / BEING REAL – Lennon in the Collective Consciousness / You Are the ONE poem.)
Aailable from our website – http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm
Many more guides, such as MEDITATION ones, are also available from this page,
and also EASY AFFIRMATIONS TO EMPOWER YOU
and EASY VISUALISATIONS TO RELAX AND INSPIRE YOU
OUR LIFE COACHING PACK
All 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle – How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS to assist you
1 – How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do.
Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
2 – HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls. Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.
3 – Goal Setting FORMS
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, plus several examples.
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight & getting fit alongside study times, job, and committee obligations, 3) planning workshops with all the admin etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.
When we are very young we do not have a lot of choices because parents, teachers, etc tend to tell us what to do. We need guidance as we mature, and gradually we are given more choices.
Growing up can sometimes feel hard. often perhaps because we are not yet ready for the sense of responsibility that comes with making choices. Perhaps also we do not feel we have been given enough background knowledge to enable us to make good choices. We could arguably always feel short of confidence due to this, but there is no complete answer to getting this right, one just has to start finding out for ones self somewhere along the line. We have to accept that even making choices that turn out to be mistakes are still part of our learning and maturing. We can get help from researching information, talking to friends, counsellors even, but at the end of the day the time comes for us to make our choices for ourselves, without anyone telling us what to do any more.
We often forget that it might not matter very much if some of our choices are ’wrong’, in fact they might not be ’wrong’ in actuality, but have given us the opportunity to try something out and learn from it.
We tend to beat ourselves up if we make mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes! If we judge ourselves harshly, does this mean that we also treat our family and friends this way? If we pour scorn on others, they will tend to walk away, so why pour scorn on yourself – you have to live with yourself – so try to be understanding of your own ways.
Often there is no blindingly obvious ’right’ or ’wrong’ choice – we may have to try out the options anyway, and be patient with ourselves. This is just all part of life, maturing further. We never stop learning really.
If you feel stuck in a place and a job you are not that happy with, then the worst thing you can do is dwell on thoughts about how unhappy you are. One thing is for certain, the more you tell yourself you are unhappy, the more you will be! The best thing to do is to focus on the positives – for example – the area is cheap to live in and the job pays well, therefore you can save a lot for whatever you might want to do next.
So, this means you are making a choice. You have decided to be there and do this job for the meantime at least, and you can review this choice any time you want to see if it is still the best choice for that time. You have identified why it is the best choice for now, so now you can focus on trying to decide what exactly it might be that you want to do next. Again, internet research, talking to people, etc, can provoke ideas. Surely it is better to stick something out until you know what you want to do next, rather than just drift off, or walk away in anger, with no options in place?
There is no need to be manic about trying to find answers, sometimes it takes time. Meanwhile, we can also find hobbies that help keep us interested, stimulated, active, etc. We can look at our diets too and ensure that we are well balanced and healthy – obtaining all the vitamins and minerals we need to keep us optimally functioning. A lack of something can cause all sorts of issues, often including physical and mental lethargy. It is harder to get everything we need these days from a simple diet as our soil has become depleted and our environment polluted, so sometimes we need to keep topped up, and we also need to keep well hydrated so that our bodies can detoxify properly.
Being able to turn something around from feeling stuck in negative reactive thinking about your situation, to the fact that you have made certain choices and why, is very empowering.
Once you feel better about yourself, you will be more able to see the path ahead, and plan positively for it. You may not be so sure that what you studied at uni, for example, is the line you want to go on working in, but perhaps there is a path slightly off centre to that which would suit you. Perhaps you know somewhere deep down that all your received teaching is not necessarily one hundred percent correct, so perhaps you might want to investigate the anomalies further? Perhaps your role in life is to shed new light on a topic. You don’t have to stop doing research just because you finished uni – one’s whole life could be regarded as research if you want – research, then experimenting via experience, then further development from what you learn.
You can share things you discover, or even just think about, via all sorts of media, publications, talks, through writing songs, just networking. There is a whole world of people out there interested in listening.
Curiosity is one of man’s greatest instincts. Many other instincts underpin our survival, but curiosity spurs evolution. Without it we become stagnant, like a blocked stream. But with it, we are able to keep moving, have the energy to consider change, be alive to our choices.
Awareness and intention are both necessary to enable us to understand our situation and then formulate what our choices might be, and the reasoning behind them. This means that we do have to think about our situation, but we must not allow ourselves to dwell on it in a negative way as this produces a downward spiral. We need to be a little detached if we can, try to look at it logically rather than too emotionally. If we pretend we are looking at someone else’s life perhaps, this should reduce the emotional content. However, when looking at possible new choices, we need to have the emotion back in. We need to know what excites us, what feels like a poor option, what seems logical yet is not inspiring enough, what feels intuitively right. (You can do this by writing things into columns, scoring things, drawing brain storming diagrams, etc. You can do it alone, or you can do it with friends.)
If you still feel stuck then you probably need a boost – maybe it’s a shortage of some mineral, maybe you need a holiday in the sun, or some work experience of a different nature in your ’spare’ time. Maybe you need to travel and discover some totally different place, with different perspectives on life, to reawaken your sense of adventure.
In the prime of your life you should have the energy to follow your inspiration, and even to find that inspiration again if it has become lost somewhere – under a pile of old books perhaps, or under your desk or carpet at work, or perhaps you chucked it out by mistake along with an old relationship. Claim it back, it’s yours! No amount of disappointment should douse its flames. Let go of the other stuff you don’t need – any sourness or guilt about an old relationship, or a job, or family issues – and reclaim what you do need in order to move on. Forgive past stuff and let it go, holding onto it only hurts you. Forgive others, but also forgive yourself. Be grateful for what good you did get out of it, even if it was just a lesson, and then turn your face forwards and head on up the road. Now be grateful for the things you do have right now, and the chance to move towards fresh choices.
You are a unique being come here to live on earth. Find out what it is you really want to do and journey onwards. Remember that our earth is here to support you in many ways – keep grounded and balanced by connecting with it, and try not to harm it. Remember the universe is there to support you too, reflecting the fullness of your true being, and deepening your sense of knowing who you are. Being in touch with the world around you helps keep you steady as well as aware. Use your intuition to filter the stream of information. so that what you glean is knowledge that is right for you, rather than just swallowing whatever you are fed. Always remember that you have the power to choose.
Having a family is a very big choice to make, and too often we just fall into it without the committment that it takes. It is your choice of course to take the proper precautions until you feel you are both ready.
As always we have to realise that choices we make on behalf of our children will not necessarily always be ’right’, we can only try our best. It is better to have some experience of the world first, try out a few things, so that we have got to a place of some balance within ourselves.
Even so, there is so much room for misunderstanding in a relationship, especially one that is focused on the kids. We have to not blame each other for stuff, choices we made along the way, and try to understand and respect each other’s points of view. People often feel trapped by commitment, but often it is not the relationship itself, but outside things like having to move country, not being able to give up your job because of having to provide security for the family, etc. It may be more constrained, but there are always still choices, you just have to discuss stuff properly as friends, and work primarily as a team. It is important to be honest about how you feel, but fair, taking into account also how the other feels. As ever you should try to focus on the good things instead of the negatives, find the things to be grateful for, especially in each other.
It is very sad sometimes that the best choice seems to be to split up again, but that is still better than suffocating each other slowly if you have grown too far apart to resolve things. If you love (or have loved) someone, you would surely prefer to set them free than to go on being a cause (or perceived cause) of hurt to them. It is no good clinging together because of fear of how you will manage, as that will only end up causing more resentment. Once you know you have to make the choice, you will find ways to manage.
As we become older we are hopefully even less tied to the world out there in some ways. We may be able to be more free in our choice of what we do for example. If we are lucky, we may not need to put up with other people telling us what to do too much anymore. We may have more time to talk with people, to find out details about things, such as how the world really works, and we may have more time to share what we have learned. We can be more detached from what goes on, so we can see the bigger picture more easily.
We don’t have dependents anymore, so we have less to lose, thus fear is less likely to stop us from saying what we think and doing what we see fit to do, although obviously we won’t get too cranky. We can choose to accept people and situations for what they are, or we can still choose to make changes. Either way, by this time we figure that we must be about as informed and experienced as we are likely to be, so we accept full responsibility for our choices, and consequently tend to be more at peace.