Mirror Brain Stare

I read about this on the website of Chris Milbank – http://chrismilbank.com/brain-stare and thought I would try it  These are my results.  (First to note that a while back I would have found this very difficult to do, I didn’t even like looking in the mirror at all, but I feel more relaxed about it these days.)

First I looked into my left eye for 10 minutes.  In the first 5 minutes I simply went a bit trancy, then I started swaying back and forth.  I was struggling to keep awake actually, even though I was standing up, my eyes were drooping.

Then I started to speak to myself via the eye.  “YOU’RE SO TIRED.  YOU KEEP PUSHING YOURSELF SO HARD.  Never mind you can take a rest when this book is done, you deserve a break, slow down a bit, have some fun.”

Also I got an impression from a past life, one I’ve connected with before very briefly, where I was on a ship escaping south (not sure which sea it was on as not sure if to or from Constantinople) because a man I met and his wife, got me a place on the ship.  I think I was escaping from something my father (of that life) had planned for me, maybe a job or an unwanted marriage, something that made me feel like a slave anyway, and I had to stand up for hours and hours, that’s why I still get leg, hip, and feet pains.  The swaying movement was something I did to help relieve the pain a little.  But I was also swaying on the moving ship, crowded with lots of people.  I said to myself “You’re nobody’s slave”, but I don’t know where or what I was going to next, just that I was willing to take the risk and travel, as I always have been in this life too.

Then it all came to a stop, and I went into the next room to check the clock – 10 mins exactly.  I went back to do it with the other eye, which I had felt might be a more intense & meaningful experience.  (I have most physical pain, and more lasting injuries, on the left side of my body, so I assume that links with the right eye.)

The same trance like feeling came on, quite quickly, same sleepy eyes, only this time I was swaying from side to side, rocking, and I felt more of a sense of emotional release coming.

I STARTED TO FEEL IMMENSE COMPASSION FOR MYSELF.

That’s not really something I’d ever felt before, as if I was looking at myself from the point of view of another person really, but clearly it was me looking at me.  Then I started to talk again “You always try so hard, always busy trying to do everything, but you need to get some rest, have more fun, relax.  You hate it if other people act like you’ve not done enough, because you know you’ve always done your best, you care so much, try so hard to get things right.  (That’s a bit of a sore point at work sometimes – no need for that!)  You so badly want everything to work out well.”  

Then I started to just smile and went on feeling this sense of love and compassion.  It concentrated on my thyroid for a while, it felt like a warm flood, healing the problems there.  Then it also spread further down my body to help ease some other areas, yes mainly on the left.

I reassured myself “It’s okay, you’ve almost done the book now – that was your main lifetime’s work, you’ve done what you had to, you can take it more easy after this, carry on with what you love, yes, but take it a bit easier now.”  

Then I got this insight reflecting back “YOU PUSH YOURSELF AWAY (sort of like you would push another person away by being too busy, not really there for them, but also like in not giving myself that love and compassion, not being there for myself, not allowing myself to relax enough), and that might make it hard for your close ones to be around you – you’re so serious about it. Find ways to relax and have fun more.  And thanks!”  And that was it.

Yep, the thing is I really like doing what I do more than anything else, so my drive is not entirely due to being a workaholic, it’s just me being me, doing what I love.  I am quite assertive with work, I only do the hours I feel are right for me, and I don’t let people push me around too much, but in my self employed work it’s different – I just have endless inspirations, so I don’t know how to stop…..  I do take care of myself with a balance of physical exercise to counteract the time in a chair at the computer, and a good diet, but I have indeed been expecting myself to work long hours.  I’m sure I can find ways of showing myself more compassion though, now that I’ve had this chat with myself!