Perfectionism – positives and negatives.

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Perfectionism can have both good and bad tendencies, both for the perfectionist him/herself and for those around them.  It is possible for others to learn from some of the things that might frustrate a perfectionist.  They are usually quite bright people who might have some great ideas about improving things, if you have a common perspective on a situation.

However, they can also be quite obsessive, and may need to be helped to look at things from a different perspective so that they reach a better understanding and let go of their obsession a little bit.  There are things that might be discussed logically to help put things in perspective, but remember that all people do not have the same kind of logic.  A perfectionist’s first principle might be that everything should be done right, but their idea of what is right, and why, may differ a lot from yours, or from the company’s.

If you are a manager, it might be pertinent to discuss priorities alongside logic and logistics, as there are always limits to what can be achieved within any given time, budget, staffing levels, etc.

If you are a perfectionist employee it might be very helpful if you were to ask for such explanations to help you see things in perspective and not become overwhelmed with trying to overdo things.

If a perfectionist strives for perfection in himself/herself – do they –

  • get depressed when they do not meet their own expectations?  
    Consider – Do they really expect to get everything right everywhere in any situation all the time (which is illogical), or are they just trying to do their best according to some inner set of standards or self-defined principles?  Do they perhaps not realise that these may not be applicable to others or for certain situations?  These could be good logical discussion points.

  • expect others to be perfect too?  Do they get annoyed by others and by situations which do not match their expectations?  Surely they must realise that people and situations differ?  Do they realise that others might be equally annoyed by them and their frustrating tendencies?

  • expect situations, such as jobs or relationships, to be perfect too?  Do they try to run from situations where they feel frustrated by not attaining expected standards, without realising that the same dilemma is just as likely to arise in any new job or relationship?

  • understand their goals?  Do they have a tendency to worry about details when there is actually no time to take care of such details, so there is a necessity to focus instead on the main things that really matter? [It might be helpful to make a list (a physical or at least a mental list) of what things do need to be focused on so that those take priority.  I would argue that the whole of life is like this – one might sacrifice housework goals for example in order to have time for studies or art or anything else one deems important, otherwise one might easily use up all one’s time on less important things, and never fulfil one’s higher desires.].  Goals are personal choices, but if you are in a partnership you should aim to at least understand each other’s priorities.

  • even know how to define perfection?  I mean surely the ideal of perfection is actually one of those unattainable absolutes really?  Surely getting things into proportion would help?

Perfectionists might really appreciate being given an understanding of how the business works so that they can see the reasoning behind decision making.  If they understand where a company, or indeed a partner in any type of relationship, is coming from, then they will be much more likely to make positive input in the most useful areas and learn to leave aside the little niggly things that are not deemed as relevant.

In this way they will feel they fit in better, and can be respected more for their contribution, instead of floundering around in a quagmire of miserable misconception.

I suspect that most perfectionists are really very good-intentioned.  I also doubt that any perfectionist really believes they are perfect!  I think that is a total myth, but I suppose I can see how others might think that of them.  I’m surprised that some people think that perfectionists don’t admit to faults – I think they definitely know when they have got something wrong, but they do tend to be quite upset about it until they get it into perspective.  Even they have to admit that mistakes do happen, and that is just part of life, all we can do is learn from it and move on.

I suspect that they are mostly good-hearted people trying to give of their best, but perhaps a bit confused about how best to do that.  If they can be helped to get things in balance, then they will feel better about themselves too.  Instead of illogically beating themselves up for not achieving the impossible, they can settle into a happier rhythm of doing the best they can – according to the circumstances, and become a better team player, or colleague; plus even an easier-to-love friend, partner, parent, etc.

If you are the kind of perfectionist who thinks that people will love you more if you are ‘perfect’, please think again.  You may well be alienating yourself by being obsessive, and you would be better off letting go a little and learning how to become more balanced.  That doesn’t mean you have to follow the crowd to try to fit in either, you can still be yourself, and achieve a lot, just try to get a reasonable perspective on things.  

Be kind to yourself, don’t expect so much of yourself that you drive yourself to exhaustion or become exasperated with yourself, be gentle and take care of yourself.  You will flourish much better if you allow yourself rest periods and healthy meals in-between your work and studies etc.  It always pays to ensure you take care of your physical and emotional health instead of just pushing yourself ever onwards, as in the end you achieve more, and can obtain more satisfaction from the results too. There is also a close correlation between caring about yourself and caring for others, again as long as it is not obsessive, those who care for others really should understand that they need to take care of themselves first in order to do so effectively.  In personal relationships as well as in business, if you care about yourself enough not to let others take advantage or push you around, and also avoid taking on too much yourself, then there is balance there to enable all to thrive in your work and relationships.

 


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What is your personal idea of perfection, in life, in art, in a book,
in a moment, in your mind, 
in your heart?


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perfection is subjective

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nature is never subjective, only our ideas of nature are

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….. sending electronic kisses across the world …..

xx

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I’m helping to support this Peruvian farmer in her brave stand

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please sign the sum of us petition

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Máxima Acuña de Chaupe has been fighting for years to save her land and her community. Newmont Mining is determined to destroy both for a massive, open-pit gold mine — which would drain four mountain lakes in an arid farming region.

Newmont Mining has already lost in court to Máxima, and her land should be safe. But now Newmont-backed security officers have invaded Máxima’s house and destroyed part of it.

Máxima is strong, but she needs our support to win against Newmont’s aggressive bullying tactics. If hundreds of thousands of us speak out now and tell the mining giant that we are watching Máxima’s back, the corporate bully may finally back off. Will you send a message to ensure Máxima’s safety?

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Beware Phenylephrine – now added to lemsip, cold & flu capsules etc, even supermarket own brand meds

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My husband and I both experienced differing negative reactions to the new ingredient in lemsip, cold and flu capsules, etc (it’s now in both the branded and supermarket own versions), so I thought I would share this info:

Notes for Healthcare Professionals

Applies to phenylephrine: compounding powder, injectable solution, intravenous solution, oral disintegrating strip, oral liquid, oral suspension extended release, oral tablet, oral tablet chewable, oral tablet chewable extended release, oral tablet disintegrating

Nervous system

Nervous system side effects have included headache, dizziness, nervousness, restlessness, tremor, insomnia, convulsions, and central nervous system depression.

Cardiovascular

Cardiovascular side effects have included palpitations, arrhythmias, and cardiovascular collapse with hypotension.

Psychiatric

Psychiatric side effects have included hallucinations, fear, and anxiety.

Gastrointestinal

Gastrointestinal side effects have included nausea.

Respiratory

Respiratory side effects have included respiratory difficulty.

Genitourinary

Genitourinary side effects have included dysuria.

General

General side effects have included pallor and weakness.

Web MD says “These products do not cure or shorten the length of the common cold and may cause serious side effects.” and “Do not give other cough-and-cold medication that might contain the same or similar ingredients.” and “Do not increase your dose or take this medication more often than directed without your doctor’s approval. Improper use (abuse) of this medication may result in serious harm (e.g., hallucinations, seizure, death).”

These medicines did not used to contain this ingredient, it has only recently been added, so don’t be caught out, be very cautious.

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In our humble opinion medicines [that aren’t absolutely essential] suppress the natural process of working a cold etc through anyway, and it tends to take longer to get over them.

Unfortunately people feel pressure to continue as normal and go to work with colds, but at the end of the day that only passes them on to most of your colleagues and ends up causing more of an issue at work than if the first person had stayed at home for a day or two.

We suggest you take an active role in your own health including researching ingredients in food & other products such as household, cosmetic, toiletry – remember that we absorb things through our skin and breath as well as via eating or drinking them.

We are the consumers – we decide!

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xx

Cherishing

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What do you really want of me?  Some people seem to think they need to fulfil certain criteria for their partners, but really the answer is “I want you to just be you – the one I love.”

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We don’t need to make decisions about our own lives based on what we think others want.  Even if we think we know what they want, we are probably wrong!

Yes, obviously you do make decisions together about things that affect the workings of your life – logistic things – like when to have supper and what you might like to have, how to approach getting DIY tasks done, where to meet after work.

And these things certainly apply to jobs – how to work as a team to meet the objectives.

But they don’t apply to your personal choices about who you are being deep down, what you are interested in, how you behave in the world, what your lessons in life might be, what you want to learn, and do.
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No one person should be influencing another to be other than themselves – this is not really love – unless they simply do not understand the implications of what they are doing, and would be willing to try to understand this in order to consider doing things differently.  (Note that I said “consider” – if they do not wish to give you the freedom to be yourself even when they do understand the implications then this shows that they do not truly cherish you for who you really are, and may prefer to control you, or try to make you into someone to fit their needs.)

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We should not have expectations of others, other than to be themselves, and try to make reasonable efforts to get on with each other and with things that need doing so that you can function as a couple or team.  These things merely require the willingness to: communicate, compromise to reach joint decisions about practical things, and to actually get on and do your share.  They have nothing whatsoever to do with trying to control or change who a person is.

If you want to try to change another to fit your needs, then you should look at why you think you have such needs.  The idea of love is simply to give love and be loved in return.  You love just as you are and just as they are, otherwise it is not love in the first place – it is merely some idea that you quite like someone and if you can just mould them to fit your needs they will do – but this can never work, not even if you are desperate!

We also have to understand that people are affected by circumstance, and make allowances for this – they may grow past it or not, but that does not mean we love them any more or less.  Hopefully pure love will get you both through, but it is difficult if you don’t communicate.  You have to not be afraid of talking – trust that the other will want to listen and at least try to understand.  But it is not our job to try to ‘fix’ another, just to be there for each other.  So as long as you can communicate enough to share your love, so that you do have some joy in your life together, you should be fine.

Perhaps part of cherishing is also being grateful for what you do have.  Try to remember all the good things if you are in any doubt.

We should look at the good things in life in general as well, in order to cherish life itself.

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Come visit our CHERISH board on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/woodmanjulia/cherish/

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xx namaste