Perfectionism – positives and negatives.

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Perfectionism can have both good and bad tendencies, both for the perfectionist him/herself and for those around them.  It is possible for others to learn from some of the things that might frustrate a perfectionist.  They are usually quite bright people who might have some great ideas about improving things, if you have a common perspective on a situation.

However, they can also be quite obsessive, and may need to be helped to look at things from a different perspective so that they reach a better understanding and let go of their obsession a little bit.  There are things that might be discussed logically to help put things in perspective, but remember that all people do not have the same kind of logic.  A perfectionist’s first principle might be that everything should be done right, but their idea of what is right, and why, may differ a lot from yours, or from the company’s.

If you are a manager, it might be pertinent to discuss priorities alongside logic and logistics, as there are always limits to what can be achieved within any given time, budget, staffing levels, etc.

If you are a perfectionist employee it might be very helpful if you were to ask for such explanations to help you see things in perspective and not become overwhelmed with trying to overdo things.

If a perfectionist strives for perfection in himself/herself – do they –

  • get depressed when they do not meet their own expectations?  
    Consider – Do they really expect to get everything right everywhere in any situation all the time (which is illogical), or are they just trying to do their best according to some inner set of standards or self-defined principles?  Do they perhaps not realise that these may not be applicable to others or for certain situations?  These could be good logical discussion points.

  • expect others to be perfect too?  Do they get annoyed by others and by situations which do not match their expectations?  Surely they must realise that people and situations differ?  Do they realise that others might be equally annoyed by them and their frustrating tendencies?

  • expect situations, such as jobs or relationships, to be perfect too?  Do they try to run from situations where they feel frustrated by not attaining expected standards, without realising that the same dilemma is just as likely to arise in any new job or relationship?

  • understand their goals?  Do they have a tendency to worry about details when there is actually no time to take care of such details, so there is a necessity to focus instead on the main things that really matter? [It might be helpful to make a list (a physical or at least a mental list) of what things do need to be focused on so that those take priority.  I would argue that the whole of life is like this – one might sacrifice housework goals for example in order to have time for studies or art or anything else one deems important, otherwise one might easily use up all one’s time on less important things, and never fulfil one’s higher desires.].  Goals are personal choices, but if you are in a partnership you should aim to at least understand each other’s priorities.

  • even know how to define perfection?  I mean surely the ideal of perfection is actually one of those unattainable absolutes really?  Surely getting things into proportion would help?

Perfectionists might really appreciate being given an understanding of how the business works so that they can see the reasoning behind decision making.  If they understand where a company, or indeed a partner in any type of relationship, is coming from, then they will be much more likely to make positive input in the most useful areas and learn to leave aside the little niggly things that are not deemed as relevant.

In this way they will feel they fit in better, and can be respected more for their contribution, instead of floundering around in a quagmire of miserable misconception.

I suspect that most perfectionists are really very good-intentioned.  I also doubt that any perfectionist really believes they are perfect!  I think that is a total myth, but I suppose I can see how others might think that of them.  I’m surprised that some people think that perfectionists don’t admit to faults – I think they definitely know when they have got something wrong, but they do tend to be quite upset about it until they get it into perspective.  Even they have to admit that mistakes do happen, and that is just part of life, all we can do is learn from it and move on.

I suspect that they are mostly good-hearted people trying to give of their best, but perhaps a bit confused about how best to do that.  If they can be helped to get things in balance, then they will feel better about themselves too.  Instead of illogically beating themselves up for not achieving the impossible, they can settle into a happier rhythm of doing the best they can – according to the circumstances, and become a better team player, or colleague; plus even an easier-to-love friend, partner, parent, etc.

If you are the kind of perfectionist who thinks that people will love you more if you are ‘perfect’, please think again.  You may well be alienating yourself by being obsessive, and you would be better off letting go a little and learning how to become more balanced.  That doesn’t mean you have to follow the crowd to try to fit in either, you can still be yourself, and achieve a lot, just try to get a reasonable perspective on things.  

Be kind to yourself, don’t expect so much of yourself that you drive yourself to exhaustion or become exasperated with yourself, be gentle and take care of yourself.  You will flourish much better if you allow yourself rest periods and healthy meals in-between your work and studies etc.  It always pays to ensure you take care of your physical and emotional health instead of just pushing yourself ever onwards, as in the end you achieve more, and can obtain more satisfaction from the results too. There is also a close correlation between caring about yourself and caring for others, again as long as it is not obsessive, those who care for others really should understand that they need to take care of themselves first in order to do so effectively.  In personal relationships as well as in business, if you care about yourself enough not to let others take advantage or push you around, and also avoid taking on too much yourself, then there is balance there to enable all to thrive in your work and relationships.

 


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What is your personal idea of perfection, in life, in art, in a book,
in a moment, in your mind, 
in your heart?


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perfection is subjective

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nature is never subjective, only our ideas of nature are

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….. sending electronic kisses across the world …..

xx

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Dear Vibrant Universe

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dearvibrantuniverse

Dear Vibrant Universe,
please untie all the knots within me –
I surrender them to your graceful infinity.
Please bathe me in your living light
to cleanse me of all dis-ease.

Please assist me to keep balanced,
and to reach my optimum state of being
right here, right now, in this lifetime,
so that I might fulfill my chosen destiny.
Thanks, love, peace, blessings everywhere.

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

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xxxxxxx

Cherishing

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What do you really want of me?  Some people seem to think they need to fulfil certain criteria for their partners, but really the answer is “I want you to just be you – the one I love.”

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We don’t need to make decisions about our own lives based on what we think others want.  Even if we think we know what they want, we are probably wrong!

Yes, obviously you do make decisions together about things that affect the workings of your life – logistic things – like when to have supper and what you might like to have, how to approach getting DIY tasks done, where to meet after work.

And these things certainly apply to jobs – how to work as a team to meet the objectives.

But they don’t apply to your personal choices about who you are being deep down, what you are interested in, how you behave in the world, what your lessons in life might be, what you want to learn, and do.
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No one person should be influencing another to be other than themselves – this is not really love – unless they simply do not understand the implications of what they are doing, and would be willing to try to understand this in order to consider doing things differently.  (Note that I said “consider” – if they do not wish to give you the freedom to be yourself even when they do understand the implications then this shows that they do not truly cherish you for who you really are, and may prefer to control you, or try to make you into someone to fit their needs.)

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We should not have expectations of others, other than to be themselves, and try to make reasonable efforts to get on with each other and with things that need doing so that you can function as a couple or team.  These things merely require the willingness to: communicate, compromise to reach joint decisions about practical things, and to actually get on and do your share.  They have nothing whatsoever to do with trying to control or change who a person is.

If you want to try to change another to fit your needs, then you should look at why you think you have such needs.  The idea of love is simply to give love and be loved in return.  You love just as you are and just as they are, otherwise it is not love in the first place – it is merely some idea that you quite like someone and if you can just mould them to fit your needs they will do – but this can never work, not even if you are desperate!

We also have to understand that people are affected by circumstance, and make allowances for this – they may grow past it or not, but that does not mean we love them any more or less.  Hopefully pure love will get you both through, but it is difficult if you don’t communicate.  You have to not be afraid of talking – trust that the other will want to listen and at least try to understand.  But it is not our job to try to ‘fix’ another, just to be there for each other.  So as long as you can communicate enough to share your love, so that you do have some joy in your life together, you should be fine.

Perhaps part of cherishing is also being grateful for what you do have.  Try to remember all the good things if you are in any doubt.

We should look at the good things in life in general as well, in order to cherish life itself.

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Come visit our CHERISH board on Pinterest at https://www.pinterest.com/woodmanjulia/cherish/

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xx namaste

On NOT being a guru

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i.m.h.o.

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I don’t believe anyone should set themselves up as some sort of guru – but I do think one should be one’s OWN guru.

You can use higher levels of consciousness to question your own thoughts and actions.  Use your mind, heart, body, and soul in partnership – to be true to one’s self, to learn about our existence and our wonderful planet, and to grow ever wiser – yet always question one’s own wisdom with humility, recognizing that we can never know things for sure – it’s all opinion, perspective, emotional filtering – depending on one’s own past experiences etc.  Yet we can reduce that filtering effect by letting go of past programs to see things more clearly and lovingly, more openly (non-judgementally), and to respond objectively rather than being sucked into a subjective reaction.  There are many tools we can use to help us progress or simply to remind us of what we already know we should be doing.

I don’t think people should shut themselves off from the world either, except perhaps for short periods, if one is going to focus on learning to meditate or to study the wilds by immersing themselves totally in a part of nature for a while.  But sooner or later we must bring back what we have learned and apply it to living in the day-to-day world successfully.  Everything can be integrated into a wholesome, balanced way of living – at peace with both the inner (one’s core self) and the outer (everything around you).

We can be in constant contact with Sublime One-ness in everyday life!

I do not wish to focus on the idea of “helping” or seeking to “help” either.  I merely want to share what I have learnt, experienced, created, etc, so that anyone who may choose to access it may do so.  I do think I have good stuff to offer because I have really spent a lot of time learning and practising things, and can save people time on their own journeys and offer useful tips and guidance along the way; but I share with humility, always remembering that everything I say or write is only “in my humble opinion”, and acknowledging that I am ALWAYS still learning.

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Wow, Beings of Light came through when I was in the bath (contemplative = open).

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Our lives may seem meaningless in the sense that we are simply part of the one-ness expanding possibility, but we make meaning for ourselves by choosing the directions of our expansion.

We are like waves arising from the universal ocean and returning over and over again, similar but never exactly the same.

We may as well learn, have fun, explore, make the most of our chance at life. What more is there? Let go of anything else that interferes with this joyous expansion!

Let your heart & soul lead your mind to direct you into true grace and delight.

Never hurt another for it makes tiny holes in your soul’s fabric that are hard to mend.

All beings are equally sacred.

Let your joy be seen so that it can spread like a blanket of sky lit by smiles of sun rays or moon-shine & stars.

Emotions stemming from possession or control can never touch pure joy; that is only felt by heart & soul at one with the universal ocean.

You don’t ever really control, you choose in each moment what to do next, how to define yourself – and live with the consequences.

You don’t ever really possess, you may borrow for a while, things to distract you or clutter up your life, but you will put them down again if you wish to follow a path without having to carry a heavy & useless load.

Yes, you may have toys to play with, but they can never define you. What is at the heart of your being defines you. What you do in each moment reflects that.

Even if you become lost one moment, you may return in the next. Keep an eye on the path you wish to walk.

If you walk lightly and look around you, you will not stumble or miss much.

Other beings will walk freely in & out of your life no matter what you may do, so it is best to simply bless them while they are there, and let them go as they will.

Immerse yourself in the universal ocean.

Let love, peace, and wisdom fill you and overflow out.

Consciousness laps the infinitely multi-dimensional shores within & outside of itself.

Always, everywhere, everything flows.

Namaste

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You can order a guide that contains the previous channellings from the Beings of Light here
http://www.SOULutions.org.uk/essenceguideschannelling.htm

(It’s the 5th one down on the list of guides available – other’s include stress busting, meditation,

and confirming your Joy.

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