Perfectionism – positives and negatives.

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Perfectionism can have both good and bad tendencies, both for the perfectionist him/herself and for those around them.  It is possible for others to learn from some of the things that might frustrate a perfectionist.  They are usually quite bright people who might have some great ideas about improving things, if you have a common perspective on a situation.

However, they can also be quite obsessive, and may need to be helped to look at things from a different perspective so that they reach a better understanding and let go of their obsession a little bit.  There are things that might be discussed logically to help put things in perspective, but remember that all people do not have the same kind of logic.  A perfectionist’s first principle might be that everything should be done right, but their idea of what is right, and why, may differ a lot from yours, or from the company’s.

If you are a manager, it might be pertinent to discuss priorities alongside logic and logistics, as there are always limits to what can be achieved within any given time, budget, staffing levels, etc.

If you are a perfectionist employee it might be very helpful if you were to ask for such explanations to help you see things in perspective and not become overwhelmed with trying to overdo things.

If a perfectionist strives for perfection in himself/herself – do they –

  • get depressed when they do not meet their own expectations?  
    Consider – Do they really expect to get everything right everywhere in any situation all the time (which is illogical), or are they just trying to do their best according to some inner set of standards or self-defined principles?  Do they perhaps not realise that these may not be applicable to others or for certain situations?  These could be good logical discussion points.

  • expect others to be perfect too?  Do they get annoyed by others and by situations which do not match their expectations?  Surely they must realise that people and situations differ?  Do they realise that others might be equally annoyed by them and their frustrating tendencies?

  • expect situations, such as jobs or relationships, to be perfect too?  Do they try to run from situations where they feel frustrated by not attaining expected standards, without realising that the same dilemma is just as likely to arise in any new job or relationship?

  • understand their goals?  Do they have a tendency to worry about details when there is actually no time to take care of such details, so there is a necessity to focus instead on the main things that really matter? [It might be helpful to make a list (a physical or at least a mental list) of what things do need to be focused on so that those take priority.  I would argue that the whole of life is like this – one might sacrifice housework goals for example in order to have time for studies or art or anything else one deems important, otherwise one might easily use up all one’s time on less important things, and never fulfil one’s higher desires.].  Goals are personal choices, but if you are in a partnership you should aim to at least understand each other’s priorities.

  • even know how to define perfection?  I mean surely the ideal of perfection is actually one of those unattainable absolutes really?  Surely getting things into proportion would help?

Perfectionists might really appreciate being given an understanding of how the business works so that they can see the reasoning behind decision making.  If they understand where a company, or indeed a partner in any type of relationship, is coming from, then they will be much more likely to make positive input in the most useful areas and learn to leave aside the little niggly things that are not deemed as relevant.

In this way they will feel they fit in better, and can be respected more for their contribution, instead of floundering around in a quagmire of miserable misconception.

I suspect that most perfectionists are really very good-intentioned.  I also doubt that any perfectionist really believes they are perfect!  I think that is a total myth, but I suppose I can see how others might think that of them.  I’m surprised that some people think that perfectionists don’t admit to faults – I think they definitely know when they have got something wrong, but they do tend to be quite upset about it until they get it into perspective.  Even they have to admit that mistakes do happen, and that is just part of life, all we can do is learn from it and move on.

I suspect that they are mostly good-hearted people trying to give of their best, but perhaps a bit confused about how best to do that.  If they can be helped to get things in balance, then they will feel better about themselves too.  Instead of illogically beating themselves up for not achieving the impossible, they can settle into a happier rhythm of doing the best they can – according to the circumstances, and become a better team player, or colleague; plus even an easier-to-love friend, partner, parent, etc.

If you are the kind of perfectionist who thinks that people will love you more if you are ‘perfect’, please think again.  You may well be alienating yourself by being obsessive, and you would be better off letting go a little and learning how to become more balanced.  That doesn’t mean you have to follow the crowd to try to fit in either, you can still be yourself, and achieve a lot, just try to get a reasonable perspective on things.  

Be kind to yourself, don’t expect so much of yourself that you drive yourself to exhaustion or become exasperated with yourself, be gentle and take care of yourself.  You will flourish much better if you allow yourself rest periods and healthy meals in-between your work and studies etc.  It always pays to ensure you take care of your physical and emotional health instead of just pushing yourself ever onwards, as in the end you achieve more, and can obtain more satisfaction from the results too. There is also a close correlation between caring about yourself and caring for others, again as long as it is not obsessive, those who care for others really should understand that they need to take care of themselves first in order to do so effectively.  In personal relationships as well as in business, if you care about yourself enough not to let others take advantage or push you around, and also avoid taking on too much yourself, then there is balance there to enable all to thrive in your work and relationships.

 


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What is your personal idea of perfection, in life, in art, in a book,
in a moment, in your mind, 
in your heart?


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perfection is subjective

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nature is never subjective, only our ideas of nature are

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….. sending electronic kisses across the world …..

xx

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Breathe – a Poetic Meditation for gratefulness, forgiveness, and letting go

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Breathe……. gratefulness, forgiveness, and letting go to move forwards (the script)

Relax your body from top to toe.
Relax, relax.
Feel your heart beating, steady slow.
Through every part of you – feel the blood flow.
Breathe, Breathe.

Think of all the things to be grateful for –
and give thanks –
all the things that help you survive –
each morning, each day, each night –
the things that make life worth living,
the little tasty pleasures,
the beautiful, the intriguing,
the chance to help others –
breathe, breathe
and appreciate them.

Thank those who love you, believe in you –
Inhale that love, breathe, breathe,
and send love back.
Thank those who are there for you –
smile, and send them hugs.
Thank those who listen to you,
Those who treat you with respect,
and those who you know really care.
Breathe and feel them in your heart.
Breathe, breathe; and relax.

Forgive any issues,
misunderstandings from the past –
let go of all regrets, concerns.
Breathe, breathe.
Relax and breathe them out.
Feel your heart beating, steady, slow.
Through every part of you,
Relax, and feel the blood flow.
Breathe, breathe;
Relax and let everything go.

Now, now – you are new,
and refreshed.
This is the moment you step into next.
Breathe, breathe;
and go forward in peace.

New beginnings await you –
it’s up to you what that means.
Breathe, breathe;
and know you have strength
for whatever adventures you meet.

 

Recharge and Balance Meditation

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Recharge & Balance – the script for the above Meditation

Make sure you are going to stay quiet & warm throughout.
Settle comfortably & relax your body.
Breathe gently & Relax.
Breathe gently & Smile to enhance the effects.
Now follow the actions, and say these words in your heart:

I am open to the Cosmic Life Force.
I am grateful for its sustenance of me.
I am grateful for the chance to experience life here.
I am grateful for the beauty here and all around everywhere.
Thank you, thank you.
I am grateful for the lessons here too.
(Smile!)

I feel the Cosmic Life Force recharging me.
(Breathe gently)
It gives me vitality – every day.
(Breathe it in)
It recharges me – it enables me to do what I want & need to.
(Breathe it in)
It sustains me as I live my life here.
(Breathe)
Thank you.
(Smile!)

I am part of the Universal Flow.
(Breathe)
I am one with it – living in it.
(Breathe it in)
I am experiencing life – experiencing consciousness –
extending the flow.
(Breathe it in & out again.)
I feel it in me – running through me –
balancing me – helping me be my true self –
blessing me – blessing me.
Thank you,
(Smile!)

The Universal Flow balances me whenever I need it.
(Breathe gently, knowing this.)
It aligns my energies efficiently.
(Breathe, breathe, & smile)
It enables me to return to my best self.
(Breathe gently)
I am balanced in all situations.
Thank you – Thank you.
(Smile)

The Universal Flow allows me to let go.
(Breathe, breathe.)
I let go of things that are not beneficial to me –
whether mental, emotional, or physical.
(Breathe, and let go.)
I let go of all blocks to my happiness & health.
(Breathe, breathe, and let go.)
I relax and regain total balance now.
(Breathe gently)
Thank you – thank you.
(Smile)

I am now balanced – and recharged.
(Breathe)
I know I can constantly live in this Flow.
(Breathe)
I know that the Life Force constantly sustains & recharges me.
(Breathe)
I am very grateful for all of this.
(Breathe gently.)
I also know that I can Consciously Ask
for the effects to be enhanced anytime I wish.
(Smile)
I just need to relax, breathe gently,
focus on the feelings, and let it happen –
then smile, and give thanks.
Thanks!

New Book is out – please take a look at the blog about it

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New Book is out – please take a look at the blog about it =

https://noparadoxblog.wordpress.com/

or of course you could go directly to Amazon from here if you’d like to order it =

on Amazon (UK), and Amazon (USA) –

or on Kindle (UK) – or Kindle USA –

Its 200 pages with b&w interior but includes graphics.

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Compassion via the Mirror Brain Stare

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Mirror Brain Stare

I read about this on the website of Chris Milbank – http://chrismilbank.com/brain-stare and thought I would try it  These are my results.  (First to note that a while back I would have found this very difficult to do, I didn’t even like looking in the mirror at all, but I feel more relaxed about it these days.)

First I looked into my left eye for 10 minutes.  In the first 5 minutes I simply went a bit trancy, then I started swaying back and forth.  I was struggling to keep awake actually, even though I was standing up, my eyes were drooping.

Then I started to speak to myself via the eye.  “YOU’RE SO TIRED.  YOU KEEP PUSHING YOURSELF SO HARD.  Never mind you can take a rest when this book is done, you deserve a break, slow down a bit, have some fun.”

Also I got an impression from a past life, one I’ve connected with before very briefly, where I was on a ship escaping south (not sure which sea it was on as not sure if to or from Constantinople) because a man I met and his wife, got me a place on the ship.  I think I was escaping from something my father (of that life) had planned for me, maybe a job or an unwanted marriage, something that made me feel like a slave anyway, and I had to stand up for hours and hours, that’s why I still get leg, hip, and feet pains.  The swaying movement was something I did to help relieve the pain a little.  But I was also swaying on the moving ship, crowded with lots of people.  I said to myself “You’re nobody’s slave”, but I don’t know where or what I was going to next, just that I was willing to take the risk and travel, as I always have been in this life too.

Then it all came to a stop, and I went into the next room to check the clock – 10 mins exactly.  I went back to do it with the other eye, which I had felt might be a more intense & meaningful experience.  (I have most physical pain, and more lasting injuries, on the left side of my body, so I assume that links with the right eye.)

The same trance like feeling came on, quite quickly, same sleepy eyes, only this time I was swaying from side to side, rocking, and I felt more of a sense of emotional release coming.

I STARTED TO FEEL IMMENSE COMPASSION FOR MYSELF.

That’s not really something I’d ever felt before, as if I was looking at myself from the point of view of another person really, but clearly it was me looking at me.  Then I started to talk again “You always try so hard, always busy trying to do everything, but you need to get some rest, have more fun, relax.  You hate it if other people act like you’ve not done enough, because you know you’ve always done your best, you care so much, try so hard to get things right.  (That’s a bit of a sore point at work sometimes – no need for that!)  You so badly want everything to work out well.”  

Then I started to just smile and went on feeling this sense of love and compassion.  It concentrated on my thyroid for a while, it felt like a warm flood, healing the problems there.  Then it also spread further down my body to help ease some other areas, yes mainly on the left.

I reassured myself “It’s okay, you’ve almost done the book now – that was your main lifetime’s work, you’ve done what you had to, you can take it more easy after this, carry on with what you love, yes, but take it a bit easier now.”  

Then I got this insight reflecting back “YOU PUSH YOURSELF AWAY (sort of like you would push another person away by being too busy, not really there for them, but also like in not giving myself that love and compassion, not being there for myself, not allowing myself to relax enough), and that might make it hard for your close ones to be around you – you’re so serious about it. Find ways to relax and have fun more.  And thanks!”  And that was it.

Yep, the thing is I really like doing what I do more than anything else, so my drive is not entirely due to being a workaholic, it’s just me being me, doing what I love.  I am quite assertive with work, I only do the hours I feel are right for me, and I don’t let people push me around too much, but in my self employed work it’s different – I just have endless inspirations, so I don’t know how to stop…..  I do take care of myself with a balance of physical exercise to counteract the time in a chair at the computer, and a good diet, but I have indeed been expecting myself to work long hours.  I’m sure I can find ways of showing myself more compassion though, now that I’ve had this chat with myself!

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