New Book is out – please take a look at the blog about it =
or of course you could go directly to Amazon from here if you’d like to order it =
Its 200 pages with b&w interior but includes graphics.
New Book is out – please take a look at the blog about it =
or of course you could go directly to Amazon from here if you’d like to order it =
Its 200 pages with b&w interior but includes graphics.
See our slideshow here:
There are no absolutes in the world, not really, so don’t expect too much from yourself, anyone else, or anything – but please don’t get cynical or judgemental either.
Just keep trying to be who you want to be – but don’t be uptight about it – try to relax into it. Be ready to forgive yourself and others for not being perfect – just try to view ‘mistakes’ or unexpected events as an opportunity to learn.
You can ask yourself and others to do things, or behave in certain ways, and you may plan as clearly and carefully as possible, but we can all only do our best as fallible human beings, each with our own limited knowledge and experience. So life tends to be full of setbacks and misunderstandings, but we can ultimately overcome these.
Don’t worry about it – as worry is just a waste of energy. Just quietly develop your plans. Choose to take the power into your own hands and choose who or what it is you want to be or do – and plan how to achieve it.
A life coach can help to advise you, but he or she is just there to help you make realistic and achievable goals that work for you and what you wish to achieve – the ultimate responsibility still lies with yourself. They help you plan in measurable and timely steps or stages – along with planning for the necessary support, rewards, etc, and they can also help with advice such as how to discuss things with others.
If you are not sure what you want, then a good coach can also help you work this out. Try listing possibilities, and scoring them according to how you feel about each. Don’t be blocked by how difficult anything might seem, just be guided by how interested you are in doing it. If needed, a coach (or counsellor) can also chat with you to tease out what you think any issues might be and help look at them with a different perspective.
You also have the power to help others plan their achievements – see the positives in them and try to express gladness to encourage them with their progress. This might apply to a friend, or even to a person doing some work for you. Your support can make it easier for them to get results. If you greet a workman by telling him you are impressed with his timing, for example, and offering him a hot drink, then he will be inclined to work well for you, and you will both be pleased.
True friends (hopefully including your close family) are people who help their friends to be who they truly are, and will remind them if they deviate from that or act out of character. They will also support them in their efforts to achieve any change or goals, so they would for example not smoke in front of them if they are in the process of giving up, or not insist on buying them a drink if they are driving, and they would understand and give them space if they needed to study for example instead of going out with them quite so often. Someone might even offer to take on a task such as babysitting to enable you to do what you need to do.
Don’t be afraid to ask people to listen to your point of view, or to consider your needs and feelings. If you are able to explain then there is every chance they will be helpful.
If you have a particular thing you wish to discuss, it is best to ask to set some time aside for this rather than just randomly try to throw it into a conversation.
Don’t be afraid to try new things – say yes if an interesting opportunity arises – and then take the time to plan. Anyone can learn new skills, reach new targets, or have an adventure, if they are prepared to try.
Change could be in any area including: communication, habits or patterns of behaviour, financial or economical, career or work-life balance, a move, relationships, fitness, health, taking up a hobby, further study, etc.
Live on Purpose. Change is natural, there is no need to fear it, just give yourself the tools to enable the change to happen as you would wish it.
Don’t be tempted to give up if there is a setback or relapse – the cycle of change allows for this – the thing is to recognise this for what it is and just get back on the wheel.
You need to be aware that it is normal to start going well, with all the initial motivation kicking in, and then you may get a bit disheartened when you run out of initial puff, so this is the time to really be prepared – have something else in place to see you through this tough stage – like a friend to come round and help out or just chat, or go out for a meal, or take a break (such as a weekend away) to renew yourself and build up more energy, or search for new inspiration. You could even do something nice for someone else to help boost your self esteem.
Don’t allow yourself to keep flopping out in the same place – you must figure out how to get past each stage, and you will be rewarded with your own delicious sense of success
OUR LIFE COACHING PACK
All 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle – How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS to assist you
1 – How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do.
Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
2 – HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls. Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.
3 – Goal Setting FORMS
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, plus several examples.
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight & getting fit alongside study times, job, and committee obligations, 3) planning workshops with all the admin etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.
When we are very young we do not have a lot of choices because parents, teachers, etc tend to tell us what to do. We need guidance as we mature, and gradually we are given more choices.
Growing up can sometimes feel hard. often perhaps because we are not yet ready for the sense of responsibility that comes with making choices. Perhaps also we do not feel we have been given enough background knowledge to enable us to make good choices. We could arguably always feel short of confidence due to this, but there is no complete answer to getting this right, one just has to start finding out for ones self somewhere along the line. We have to accept that even making choices that turn out to be mistakes are still part of our learning and maturing. We can get help from researching information, talking to friends, counsellors even, but at the end of the day the time comes for us to make our choices for ourselves, without anyone telling us what to do any more.
We often forget that it might not matter very much if some of our choices are ’wrong’, in fact they might not be ’wrong’ in actuality, but have given us the opportunity to try something out and learn from it.
We tend to beat ourselves up if we make mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes! If we judge ourselves harshly, does this mean that we also treat our family and friends this way? If we pour scorn on others, they will tend to walk away, so why pour scorn on yourself – you have to live with yourself – so try to be understanding of your own ways.
Often there is no blindingly obvious ’right’ or ’wrong’ choice – we may have to try out the options anyway, and be patient with ourselves. This is just all part of life, maturing further. We never stop learning really.
If you feel stuck in a place and a job you are not that happy with, then the worst thing you can do is dwell on thoughts about how unhappy you are. One thing is for certain, the more you tell yourself you are unhappy, the more you will be! The best thing to do is to focus on the positives – for example – the area is cheap to live in and the job pays well, therefore you can save a lot for whatever you might want to do next.
So, this means you are making a choice. You have decided to be there and do this job for the meantime at least, and you can review this choice any time you want to see if it is still the best choice for that time. You have identified why it is the best choice for now, so now you can focus on trying to decide what exactly it might be that you want to do next. Again, internet research, talking to people, etc, can provoke ideas. Surely it is better to stick something out until you know what you want to do next, rather than just drift off, or walk away in anger, with no options in place?
There is no need to be manic about trying to find answers, sometimes it takes time. Meanwhile, we can also find hobbies that help keep us interested, stimulated, active, etc. We can look at our diets too and ensure that we are well balanced and healthy – obtaining all the vitamins and minerals we need to keep us optimally functioning. A lack of something can cause all sorts of issues, often including physical and mental lethargy. It is harder to get everything we need these days from a simple diet as our soil has become depleted and our environment polluted, so sometimes we need to keep topped up, and we also need to keep well hydrated so that our bodies can detoxify properly.
Being able to turn something around from feeling stuck in negative reactive thinking about your situation, to the fact that you have made certain choices and why, is very empowering.
Once you feel better about yourself, you will be more able to see the path ahead, and plan positively for it. You may not be so sure that what you studied at uni, for example, is the line you want to go on working in, but perhaps there is a path slightly off centre to that which would suit you. Perhaps you know somewhere deep down that all your received teaching is not necessarily one hundred percent correct, so perhaps you might want to investigate the anomalies further? Perhaps your role in life is to shed new light on a topic. You don’t have to stop doing research just because you finished uni – one’s whole life could be regarded as research if you want – research, then experimenting via experience, then further development from what you learn.
You can share things you discover, or even just think about, via all sorts of media, publications, talks, through writing songs, just networking. There is a whole world of people out there interested in listening.
Curiosity is one of man’s greatest instincts. Many other instincts underpin our survival, but curiosity spurs evolution. Without it we become stagnant, like a blocked stream. But with it, we are able to keep moving, have the energy to consider change, be alive to our choices.
Awareness and intention are both necessary to enable us to understand our situation and then formulate what our choices might be, and the reasoning behind them. This means that we do have to think about our situation, but we must not allow ourselves to dwell on it in a negative way as this produces a downward spiral. We need to be a little detached if we can, try to look at it logically rather than too emotionally. If we pretend we are looking at someone else’s life perhaps, this should reduce the emotional content. However, when looking at possible new choices, we need to have the emotion back in. We need to know what excites us, what feels like a poor option, what seems logical yet is not inspiring enough, what feels intuitively right. (You can do this by writing things into columns, scoring things, drawing brain storming diagrams, etc. You can do it alone, or you can do it with friends.)
If you still feel stuck then you probably need a boost – maybe it’s a shortage of some mineral, maybe you need a holiday in the sun, or some work experience of a different nature in your ’spare’ time. Maybe you need to travel and discover some totally different place, with different perspectives on life, to reawaken your sense of adventure.
In the prime of your life you should have the energy to follow your inspiration, and even to find that inspiration again if it has become lost somewhere – under a pile of old books perhaps, or under your desk or carpet at work, or perhaps you chucked it out by mistake along with an old relationship. Claim it back, it’s yours! No amount of disappointment should douse its flames. Let go of the other stuff you don’t need – any sourness or guilt about an old relationship, or a job, or family issues – and reclaim what you do need in order to move on. Forgive past stuff and let it go, holding onto it only hurts you. Forgive others, but also forgive yourself. Be grateful for what good you did get out of it, even if it was just a lesson, and then turn your face forwards and head on up the road. Now be grateful for the things you do have right now, and the chance to move towards fresh choices.
You are a unique being come here to live on earth. Find out what it is you really want to do and journey onwards. Remember that our earth is here to support you in many ways – keep grounded and balanced by connecting with it, and try not to harm it. Remember the universe is there to support you too, reflecting the fullness of your true being, and deepening your sense of knowing who you are. Being in touch with the world around you helps keep you steady as well as aware. Use your intuition to filter the stream of information. so that what you glean is knowledge that is right for you, rather than just swallowing whatever you are fed. Always remember that you have the power to choose.
Having a family is a very big choice to make, and too often we just fall into it without the committment that it takes. It is your choice of course to take the proper precautions until you feel you are both ready.
As always we have to realise that choices we make on behalf of our children will not necessarily always be ’right’, we can only try our best. It is better to have some experience of the world first, try out a few things, so that we have got to a place of some balance within ourselves.
Even so, there is so much room for misunderstanding in a relationship, especially one that is focused on the kids. We have to not blame each other for stuff, choices we made along the way, and try to understand and respect each other’s points of view. People often feel trapped by commitment, but often it is not the relationship itself, but outside things like having to move country, not being able to give up your job because of having to provide security for the family, etc. It may be more constrained, but there are always still choices, you just have to discuss stuff properly as friends, and work primarily as a team. It is important to be honest about how you feel, but fair, taking into account also how the other feels. As ever you should try to focus on the good things instead of the negatives, find the things to be grateful for, especially in each other.
It is very sad sometimes that the best choice seems to be to split up again, but that is still better than suffocating each other slowly if you have grown too far apart to resolve things. If you love (or have loved) someone, you would surely prefer to set them free than to go on being a cause (or perceived cause) of hurt to them. It is no good clinging together because of fear of how you will manage, as that will only end up causing more resentment. Once you know you have to make the choice, you will find ways to manage.
As we become older we are hopefully even less tied to the world out there in some ways. We may be able to be more free in our choice of what we do for example. If we are lucky, we may not need to put up with other people telling us what to do too much anymore. We may have more time to talk with people, to find out details about things, such as how the world really works, and we may have more time to share what we have learned. We can be more detached from what goes on, so we can see the bigger picture more easily.
We don’t have dependents anymore, so we have less to lose, thus fear is less likely to stop us from saying what we think and doing what we see fit to do, although obviously we won’t get too cranky. We can choose to accept people and situations for what they are, or we can still choose to make changes. Either way, by this time we figure that we must be about as informed and experienced as we are likely to be, so we accept full responsibility for our choices, and consequently tend to be more at peace.
You are a unique being, here on earth to experience life. It is up to you what you make of
that life. If you find a way to be your true self then that will give you a deep sense of
personal power. There are many things you might like to find out about to help you
achieve this, so plenty to keep you busy!
If depression is getting in the way, don’t despair, there are many things you can do to
take back control. It isn’t all about medication and counselling, although it is of course
always highly recommended to see your doctor and discuss options. Also bear in mind,
that some people do have misconceptions about counselling – it is not a huge mystery –
it is just a chance to talk with a professionally trained person who is detached from your
situation and can therefore help you obtain a different perspective on it and hopefully
understand better what you might need to do to help yourself move forwards.
You can also look at your lifestyle to ensure you are getting enough sleep, exercise, and a
balanced diet, for starters. It’s really important to give ourselves the best chance for
recovery by taking care of all aspects of ourselves.
• Shortage of certain minerals can be linked to depression (look for my article about
this, or use a kinesiologist to test you for shortages). Basically if you are short of
something (which can easily happen for many reasons) then your body and brain may
not have the right chemical balance to function properly. So if this is the case, then it
can easily be addressed and will help you enormously.
• Lack of daylight hours or sunlight can also be a cause, and these days you can get
supplements to help with that, or use special lighting to emulate the sunlight. This
can make a huge difference to your brain function. Consider this especially if you are
living in more northern latitudes, or if you have moved country. It can take a lot of
time to adjust to the seasons and ways of a new country anyway.
• Teenagers do need more sleep than adults, but only a bit more, so it’s okay to rest on
weekends for example if you are up early during the week, but don’t get sucked into
sleeping all day as that tends to make things worse. Try to plan things for yourself to
do and so set times by which you have to be up. If you have been sleeping too much,
then addressing this by setting some limits and routines can help a lot. You tend to
feel better about yourself anyway if you are not just lazing around all the time. I
know it can be hard to be motivated if you are not working for example, but try to
make lists of things you can do, find hobbies, be creative, help others. There is so
much interesting stuff in the world, and the internet can help us find out about almost
anything, so it seems crazy to allow ourselves to be sucked into games all the time –
try to break any addiction to playing day after day, and to any other addictions that
might have too much power over you. A life coaching plan can help you approach
this if you want to ask me about this, just email.
• Teenagers also tend to have more difficulty going to sleep if they go to bed too early,
so plan your sleeping hours to suit, but bear in mind that you may have to make
allowances for others in the home, so if you need to negotiate things promise to be
considerate, and that will help.
• Plan what you eat to suit you too, different types of people need different food types,
and also some days we need to eat more than others, so listen to your body’s needs. I
don’t mean eat chocolate and junk food, I mean healthy things obviously. But some
people need a lot of protein for example, and some people get most of their vitamins
from fruit, whereas for others it may be better to focus on vegetables. A lot of people
do not get on well with wheat or dairy products, this does not necessarily mean you
have a huge reaction, it may just mean you feel a bit bloated or full of catarrh. We all
need a certain amount of carbohydrate, but sometimes we really overdo it. If there
are a lot of colds going round, it is good to keep strong to fight them off by eating a
bit extra of what seems really good for you, and if you already have a cold, the same
applies. I tend to want salty things like anchovies, along with salad such as lettuce,
and avocado, and even olives (which I don’t normally like).
• Energy management is something we often forget. I used to stay up all night painting
when I was first living on my own, and felt great for a bit, but then it caught up with
me, and I was not just tired, but down. These days I manage my energy better, says
she, now writing this article at 2.30am, but I did get a sleep thisafternoon, honest. (I
needed the rest then after working in a hospital most of the day.) Also, sometimes we
have to say no to things or even to visitors so that we can conserve our energy for
something we have to do later for example.
• Drinking enough water helps to move toxins out of your system. There is no other
drink that works as a substitute for water except herbal teas (not infusions), with no
• Exercise also helps to get rid of toxins, and of course stress too. You might like to
consider some of the more unusual things to find something that really works for you.
You might like something that tests particular skills, such as rock climbing, or might
want more overall stretching and balance, like Yoga. Martial arts are very holistic.
Or perhaps you could help someone elderly or unwell by taking their dog for a walk?
• If you are putting too much stress on your body with drink and smoking or other
substances, then perhaps you can find help to reduce that, as they will take their toll.
Mineral imbalance can be a factor in addiction too (refer to my first point).
• If you still need help with depression, then yes, a counsellor can help, but be sure to
choose one that is not going to dwell on negative stuff for too long. They do need to
get a proper understanding of your situation, which includes looking at all the things
that might be challenging you, but then they should help you to move forwards
positively. If things aren’t going the way you think they should, then do say so.
Any professional should be willing and able to change their approach if needed.
If not, then change your professional. This is your life, it is too important to just let
• Sometimes a life coach may be more help to look at forward planning to achieve
goals. I can send you planning sheets and guidance notes by email if you request
them, and let me know what you are aiming to achieve.
• If you are not sure what you want to do with life yet, or have become confused or
diverted, then I have a method that can help you intuitively tap your subconscious to
discover your true interests, so contact me by email to ask me to send you my
instructions for doing this. I have even helped mothers decide what they want to do
when their kids have grown up, as this can sometimes seem like an empty time.
• Or you might benefit from more therapeutic help, such as healing sessions. You can
find pretty much anything you need via the internet.
• We all need to find a balance of mind, body, and spirit, to be complete in ourselves,
so you may be seeking answers for spiritual questions, to help you make sense of life.
(If this is the case, then do take a look at some of my spiritual and nature related
articles. They might help open up a whole new perspective.)
• There are many tools like meditation which can really help you find the balance to
cope with life. In fact they can be fully integrated with your life.
• Communication can be an issue for anyone, and I have written about that too, from
the perspectives of parents, children, young people, adults, friends, partners, and work
situations – so I hope that some of this might be of help.
• If your depression or emotions make you feel as if you can’t talk to anyone, then
often writing can be an alternative, whether it be letters, poems, songs, or anything
else. This tends to release the emotions, and you can end up seeing things a bit more
clearly then too. You can even write really nasty things and then just throw them
away afterwards, but it allows you to vent about how you really feel without hurting
others. I tend to only publish positive stuff, but I do also write dark stuff just to work
those things through. Everyone has dark times, it’s just how we deal with them that
matters. I used to have 3 days in a cycle of every few months or so (and still do
sometimes, especially in winter) where everything just seemed to be wrong, and
nothing seemed to help, but I knew it would only be those 3 says, so I would just keep
myself to myself and write rubbish until it worked itself through. This could have
been hormonal, as I recognised that I often had 3 day migraine periods on the other
months, and just had to accept that I needed to take tablets for those 3 days to enable
me to carry on with normal life. Writing also formulates your ideas better so that you
can communicate them to others, or so that you can plan what you want to do next.
If you feel confused about a situation or your emotions, it really can help a lot to just
write everything down, and in time you will tend to formulate an idea of which bits
really matter and which don’t, and what you could maybe do about the ones that do.
• There may also be other forms of creative output that will help ease your pain,
anything from woodwork to pottery to painting to needlework to gardening, to
making music….. you name it really. Most people benefit from having a hobby –
it tends to bring some balance to things like having to go out to work every day or
having to be around to care for someone else, for example.
If your family or colleagues do not seem to respect your views and feelings, then you
must ask for that respect, and ask for opportunities to make your input. They are
probably not doing it deliberately, nor realising how you feel. Even if you don’t know
what you want to say yet, that opportunity should be created, and then you will be more
likely to develop ideas to express, particularly as you hear others doing so, or in response
to certain topics. It might be nice to start with debates on topics that having nothing to do
with your personal situation but that you have an interest in, for example current issues in
your locality, or at work. Everyone should be allowed to introduce topics, kind of like
making an agenda.
If you find you need to look further afield to find someone to talk to, then do so, perhaps
a grandparent, a friend’s father, someone you hardly know but seem to ‘click’ with, or a
special interest group. Don’t expect those closest to you to necessarily have the skills to
be everything for you. We all have certain strengths and weaknesses, no one can do
everything well. Parents do not receive training to be parents although it is the most
important thing in the world! They just have to try to make the best of it according to
instinct, and what they can find out. Often they would be only too glad to help do things
differently if only they knew how, so asking to talk to try to gain mutual understanding
could be a huge relief to them. Ask everyone to plan to set aside time to both speak and
listen. It could help to make some notes about what you want to say, to help with clarity,
and prompt memory. We all need to take responsibility for our communication, as well
as for our actions. Perhaps as we learn more, we might even be able to help someone
else, or help the human race by finding ways of doing things a bit better in future.
You might think you are different from others, and indeed you are, but only to a certain
extent (as we are all unique, and yet we all belong to the human race). You might be
surprised to find that a lot of other people might think more like you than you imagined.
It is quite normal for a young person starting out in an adult world to feel a bit out of
place – there is so much to learn about and deal with for a start. Indeed anyone can
suddenly find themselves struggling in this way. We might have been caught up in things
and not thinking much about the meaning of stuff, and then suddenly start to question.
There is so much noise and bustle, and emphasis put on artificial and/or superficial
things. A lot of things don’t seem to make sense, including people’s behaviour. You
might think that we have got ourselves in an awful mess, but then again, if you take a
look at history you can see that we have done it before and then sorted things out again
somehow. There are lots of good things too, so we can try to focus on these while we try
to figure out the rest. We need variation and contrast in the world otherwise we would
not be able to appreciate the good stuff as everything would just be the same – boring.
Always cut yourself some slack. If you are impatient with others around you then
chances are that you are impatient with yourself too. Stop expecting so much from
everyone, including yourself – we are just humans trying to bumble along, some being
lucky enough to have more in their favour perhaps, but everyone has something to bring
to the table, so do try not to judge.
I know it is easier said than done when you are depressed, but try to find ways to focus on
the positive. Turn your thoughts away from criticising others and things around you by
simply thinking about better things. You can use affirmations in many ways.
• First thing in the morning and/or last thing at night, you could just remind yourself of
a couple of things to be grateful for – such as good weather, loving husband, helpful
teenagers, wonderful children, our good health, our job, our good looks, our specialist
skills,, etc etc.
• Anytime at all you could use affirmations to boost your own self esteem – just say
them calmly to yourself several times, for several days in a row, until you start to feel
they are true. Here are a few ideas, breathe deeply and try to FEEL them to be true.
”I am loved” (this could mean by family, partner, friends, God, or the universe, etc)
”I love” (this could be anything such as the above, or such as hugs, food, books,
music, walks, swimming, flowers, trees, cats, sunshine, rain, whatever you can think
of. Try writing down a list, and add to it every day. Draw too if you feel so inclined.
”I am lucky enough to be able to ……..” (list your skills here, and also everyday
things such as cook, drive, read and write, etc… anything that lets you go about your
life in both normal and special or unique ways.). These are also nice to do while you
are walking along, and you can add things you see around you – perhaps the bird
singing in the hedge, the blossom, the sun.
• And here are some more:
I release past fears and resentments / I am open to receive. / Life is a miraculous
gift! / I am here to learn, grow, and have fun. / I am responsible for creating my own
happiness. / I deserve to take good care of myself. / I nurture my body and feed my
soul. / I make the time to be still, and listen to the truth. / Talking it out – heals /
I express myself clearly and positively. / I forgive others and myself, and let pain go. /
I am becoming more and more of who I can be. / I am ready to move forwards.
• Affirmations must be in the present tense to be effective – not some vague distant
• There are also a lot of inspiring quotations out there – I have an inspiration page on
my website, which I regularly add to. I also include some in my books.
Do remember that is normal for people to feel down at least some of the time, just some
people hide it better or deal with it differently perhaps. I tend to think it is people who
think more deeply about life who struggle a bit more with it, perhaps because a night’s
partying doesn’t switch it off – it is not really the answer because it all seems a bit
shallow to you.
Please don’t feel bad about yourself because of it, as obviously that would make it worse
– just try to recognise the patterns and find the best ways for your unique self to deal with
it. Try to look for things you can learn from difficult situations or emotions instead of
trying to dismiss them. Allow yourself time to work things through instead of expecting
to be unrealistically ‘normal’ all the time – just ensure that you put a limit on how long
you dwell on stuff – you must move beyond it at some point – and if you let yourself
work it through fully instead of trying to ignore it, then you are more likely to do this.
Observe yourself and notice the patterns – then use your self management skills – for
example you might say, okay so this weekend I am going to just set time aside of myself
to work this situation over, and I’ll be okay by Sunday dinner time and go out for a really
nice meal (as a reward). If you need an extra day, then take Monday off work, but be
sure to return Tuesday, don’t allow this to drift. This is how you take back control, and
earn your own self respect, which is much more important than other people’s respect.
However, you do also earn other people’s respect when you take control – step back
when you need to, instead of trying to be sociable – even ask people to give you a bit of
space instead of coming round – knowing that you will be better company later on when
you are ready and be open, explain to them why instead of letting them feel rejected.
Your true friends will understand, and will also feel good if you promise to call on them
if you really need to, otherwise that you will see them when you are done. This honesty
lets them see that you are managing the situation logically, and it also sets an example to
give other people the permission to use these skills.
I should say here that it is really important to write things down as you work them
through, rather than just trying to work them out inside your head – because your mind
will tend to just get woolly and run out of steam, whereas writing it down develops
clarity, mostly because there is more of a sequence to it. There are other ways you could
do it of course, such as speaking out loud and making recordings, and listening back, then
recording again. I can’t say I’ve tried this, but I can imagine I might find myself
laughing at myself after a bit – I must try it! What I have tried though, is to pretend I am
actually having a conversation with someone, where I am both people, so I change places
and speak for each one – an amazing exercise, as not only do you work through the
situation, but you also get to understand the other point of view a bit, if you don’t just
make a parody of it – but even that would be fun.
Don’t try to speak directly with other people involved in the situation, or actually send
them a letter or email, until you have taken the heat out of your emotions and reached
some clarity about your feelings. This way you can vent without walking out of or losing
your job, or damaging your relationship (whether partner, colleague, friend, or family).
Obviously, if by the end of it you have boiled it down to a few crucial bits that need
addressing, then you can deal with it appropriately because the exaggerated emotional
response has gone and you can be clear about what you need to do or say. You should
thus be able to respectfully approach others and explain your viewpoint and ask for what
you need. If you feel a need to apologise for anything, then that is fine, but don’t be
defensive about it or dismiss the problem that way because it will only arise again, try to
be clear about your viewpoint and what steps you think need taking to remedy the
situation. As long as you are prepared to listen to other people’s viewpoints as well, then
you should expect people to consider yours. It is the only way that solutions can ever be
found that work for all parties. If there are negative things that need to be said, then you
could always soften these by also pointing out any positives – for example, “I really
appreciate that this is a great project, but do I think that we should take a different
approach to how we…….. because I feel ………..” or “I am really grateful that you want
to always do the cooking, but I would really like to sometimes have a turn. To be honest,
we do have some differences in taste, and it’s only fair that I get to choose what we eat
and prepare it the way I want to sometimes. Also on the days I cook, perhaps you could
do the dishes, instead of it always being my job – I don’t mind doing chores, but I like a
bit of variation where possible, and I would enjoy the creativity of cooking.”
You cannot progress with life if you don’t deal with the bits that really matter. If in the
clear light of day you decide you need to make some big changes, then it will also restore
your power to start making your plans gradually. Even if it is something like moving out
to your own place, or a total change of career, let the power of knowing that you need to
do it guide you so that you feel excited by new possibilities rather than daunted by the
process of getting there. If you lose steam anywhere along the way, remind yourself that
you are breaking free of a situation that you could have let yourself remain trapped in if
you hadn’t had the strength and insight to realise it, and the courage to do something
Okay so maybe there are a few ideas here that might help you start to feel more
comfortable with yourself and the world around you, and I can always help you find more
if you would like to contact me. If we can find our rightful place in the world then we are
likely to be able to banish depression and take back our personal power. Please do not be
afraid to seek it out.
As Shakespeare wrote “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day,
thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Bundle of 2 MEDITATION GUIDES is available from our GUIDES page.
Guide 1 – Information / Principles / Energy and Breath / Protection /
Grounding / Safety
12 full pages + 4 pg bonus informative book review.
Guide 2 Practice
23 full pages of techniques & examples to use from simple to advanced.
Includes some meditations for groups and for couples.
Bundle of 2 STRESS BUSTING Guides is available from our GUIDES page.
A 40+ page Guide for Stress Busting
from Stress Consultant Julia Woodman
including her TV demonstration script.
plus an additional 20+ pages of guidelines
which she uses for her workshops
with extra ideas and exercises to help you.
and see my other blog here –
Depression, Addiction, and even Weight issues can be linked to Mineral Imbalance –
for some ideas about how body chemistry might be affecting you
(including cell function, hydration, detoxification)
It’s not like you just want to change because you know something’s bad for you.
You need to think of it like you are climbing a tree –
Make sure the next branch is firm before you leap (climb on it). So prepare for what you want.
What is the branch going to provide for you?
A good view you can relax & enjoy life more from?
Not need to go to pub anymore to get pissed to drown the sorrows or pain?
Take more control of where you are going!
Make yourself a comfortable plan of how to get where you want.
Get everything you need in place to support you, and ensure you don’t fail and have to clamber back down to what was familiar before. Know you are going to be strong,
Be confident in your next step, achieve what you want.
Don’t be tempted to play safe by staying back – be excited to go on!
However, if you do go back a bit, don’t be put off, this is actually a normal part of the cycle of change. Just go back up when you are ready. Take another look to ensure you have everything in place to ensure you succeed this time first, and it might just turn out to be easier than you think because it isn’t so scary this time because you already took a peek.
Open the doors to your authentic self and life with our guidance and support.
Why try to do it alone? www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Let us help you move beyond pain…….
HEAL YOUR PAST – don’t hold onto pain…..
Forgive yourself for holding on to it for so long and let go now xx
Be freed to truly get on with your life.
Shift of identity – letting go to be yourself – no more masks or other pretences.
The steady soul and the ego pretender
Walk with their arms round each other’s shoulders
Through the mirage.
They have learnt to work together
Instead of trying to destroy each other –
Have become team-mates in a balanced life.
Despite the chaos, they can thrive
Because they have stepped out of the struggle
To view the big picture from the outside
And can use their assets such as body and mind
To solve the riddles of their soul
And let their hearts gracefully unfold.
Become the greatness you can be!
‘step out of fear’,
‘find the keys’,
‘be in your heart in all you do’,
‘choose what sets you free to truly be you and express your skills.’
Various QUESTIONS to ask yourself
What lies at the core of your being?
What do you identify with?
What means most to you?
What would you like to be remembered for?
How would you describe your true self?
Are you BEING that true self?
If not then why not?
When and how will you make a start to get closer to this?
Would you like us to help?
What do you love doing and what are your skills?
Write some other statements about yourself – such as these……..
I stand for freedom and truth. I stand for fairness and objectivity – seeing all sides of the picture to understand rather than jumping to judgements from a limited (subjective) perspective. I stand for real communication, equality, and choices for all.
If you like – copy and paste these questions and their answers into a document you can then email to us, and we will offer a response. email@example.com
Our time is right now –
“Wherever you are is the starting point.” Kabir
Web Page = www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Life is an expedition – where we decide who we are – Through what we choose to experience – and how we choose to act.
It can be an exciting expedition while we learn how to use our tools to control the journey.
Julia Woodman – Life Coach, Writer, and Total Wellbeing Consultant.)
We also have guides, and life coaching packs, for your own use –
including how to use consciousness expanding tools such as meditation.
The life coaching packs include all 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle –
How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all the FORMS to assist you
We offer advice and support via phone and email
Dealing With Stress: Regaining Self-esteem and Making Choices