Category Archives: Self Esteem

Spiritual Coaching 1 – Video

Video

Top Tips – Our Total Wellbeing in this world – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual – related in sequence of our relevant energy centres.

SCRIPT – Spiritual Coaching TOP TIPS

Hi, I’m Julia Woodman, Writer, Counsellor, Healer, & Personal Development Coach (amongst other things), and my main TOP TIP is that

EACH ONE OF YOU has the power to be the masters of your own life.

Develop confidence by using spiritual or personal development tools, and allow yourself to grow gently through the years – training your mind to help you rather than hinder you. Be heart centred and steady instead of emotionally volatile and vulnerable.

Now I am going to split my main tip into seven sections to match the (coloured) energy centres of the body from the base upwards.

• ROOT – Grounding, and Safety or Security.
Anchor yourself to the world so that you can experience life fruitfully here. Understand that F.E.A.R. stands for ‘false evidence appearing real’ – know that you can learn to see beyond it and be the master of your own life. Aim to develop a sense that you can cope with life, using a combination of your own instincts and skills, plus the help of others in this human team. Be willing to help others in return, though it may not be the same ones who helped you, it’s all a cycle. Life itself is a natural cycle. Maintain an awareness of your roots.

• SACRAL Centre – Vitality, and Connection with the Wonder all around you.
Be aware – observe details in nature, and consider animal and human behaviour. Appreciate the incredible beauty and unlimited variety in life. Find ways to be creative, and nurture ideas. It is amazing what we can do, and how things work. Focus on the vitality in your body and mind as you move and think and enjoy life. Collect inspiring motivational quotes and natural beautiful things. Enjoy the raw energy available in life.

• SOLAR PLEXUS – Self Esteem and Confidence.
Recognise that you can change your views any time you choose to. You are the sum total of what has been passed on to you, and of what you have learnt, thus far — therefore it always keeps changing as you grow. Nobody has all the answers, and each of us has a slightly different perspective anyway, so don’t hide your individuality, express it, and respect the individuality of others. Feel your self esteem growing as you realise that you have the power to keep learning new stuff and making your own choices about who you want to be and how you want to live. Take responsibility, seek experience, and learn what you need to, with the express intention of fulfilling your sense of self. Let the sun shine for you.

• HEART – LOVE dissolves all negativity.
We come from the same origins, but have differing viewpoints, so don’t judge others, let them be. Accept that they have as much right as you, to do what they wish, to make ‘mistakes’, to learn or not. Forgive them instead of taking anything personally. Holding onto resentment only hurts you, so surrender it. Boost yourself with positive thinking tools such as affirmations. Look for the positive sides of people & events. Take the opportunity to learn from things that ‘go wrong’. Let the wonderful greens and pinks of nature caress your heart.

• THROAT – Clarity and Communication.
Be clear with yourself about what you want from life, as this will automatically guide you. Communicate with others clearly, and with patience & consideration. Show them how to understand your viewpoint & let them show you how to understand theirs. Try not to bother with small stuff, focus on what is most important, and plan your approach. Show gratitude for all the good things. Let the clear stream flow.

• BROW – Follow your Intuition.
It is a path into the deep side of yourself that knows things that you may not consciously be aware of, especially if your mind is cluttered or stressed. Use tools such as visualisations, and meditation to help train your mind to be steady and more able to work for your specific benefit, instead of getting in the way. Trust that deep blue.

• CROWN – We all seek the Bliss of Union.
From trusted friendships, to lovers and life partners, to connecting with what we might think of as an ultimate creative force, or being, or stream of consciousness. Allow yourself time for this, but don’t try to force it, everything will flow into place naturally as you humbly become more and more of yourself. Let the beautiful spiritual purple bathe you.

Good luck — and do feel free to ask me more about this.

Julia Woodman — Radiance Solutions

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

Does familiarity really breed contempt or do we just get lazy with our communication?

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Of course, when you’re getting to know someone you really like, you pay special attention to each other and to what you do together.  You go out of your way to please, perhaps you even take time out of other things that you normally do. Then you get to a stage where you feel you know each other pretty well and you start to relax, and catch up with yourself a bit.  That’s fine and it works really well a lot of the time, especially if you aren’t living in each other’s pockets.  But even then it can sometimes start to appear to the other that you are taking them for granted….. for example if you are paying particular attention to another new friend and expecting your longer term friend to understand that this is just because you are making the effort to be inclusive, rather than meaning to exclude them. You tend to expect them just to know that they are safe in their established role as a friend or partner, and join in accordingly.  But they night not feel that confident in certain situations, and you still need to pay enough attention to realise if they need encouragement or reassurance, or they might start to feel as if you are making a special effort for everyone else except them.  Children might feel similarly that their mother is being especially nice to other children, and just mean or strict with them.  I think we do tend to expect those closest to us to know that they are always the most special to us, but we should realise that they might not always be confident of this, especially if you are suddenly being less attentive than you used to be. When you have been around someone a long time you also tend to act as if you think they should know how you feel about everything, but no matter how much in tune you may be, there is lots of room for misunderstanding, particularly if their awareness is hampered due to them being tired or unwell, or preoccupied with an issue or task, or if you simply didn’t explain things properly. Quite often you may well be in tune enough to know what the other is feeling, or thinking, or talking about, but we should not take this for granted and get frustrated with them if we have not been clear enough about what we mean.  It can only take a very small lapse in communication to create a huge misunderstanding – for example if your wife is talking about one thing and you start talking about another thing without specifying what, she may well assume you are discussing her topic and not realise that a new one has been introduced.  Then later you might be surprised to find that she is adamant that you said something you know you didn’t, or that she did not respond to something you thought you’d specifically mentioned.  Things can easily be misheard too, in the noise of offloading a van for example, she might have asked you “Should we leave these?” and you replied “Yes” because you thought she asked “Do we need these?” only to find that she has now left them behind.  Try not to be too annoyed, just try next time to be more specific…. For example she could have said “Should we leave the box and the tape in the van?” or you could have said “Yes, I want everything upstairs, then at least she would have realised that you had misheard her first question.  When we are busy, too often we are doing things at the same time as talking, so you can’t always hear if someone is walking away from you for example.  It is useful to stop and do a checklist with each other at some point – “have we got everything now?” for example – and go through the list.  Try to leave time for such checks as they often save a lot of time and/or trouble in the long run. Couples obviously tend to be around each other quite a lot, and even though you have chosen this situation, it can certainly be quite challenging to remain amicable.  Humour helps, but it has to be real humour for both parties, the kind of stuff that lets things wash off, not a humour that masks bitterness or pain, as can sometimes be the case.  You do need breaks from each other, time with other friends, time to pursue personal interests, and lots of trust to allow each other the freedom to do their own thing.  Ideally you want to support the other in doing what they want to do, in being themselves, but that doesn’t necessarily mean tagging along!  Often people try to cling or control, or just butt in when perhaps they shouldn’t.  Something else to watch out for here, is that things should work both ways, each should be given roughly equal support and leeway.  A girl shouldn’t expect to go off with her mates and then complain when it is her fellow’s turn.  A wife shouldn’t end up feeling that she gives way more support to her husband than she gets in return, or that he sees her as providing a certain role.  If things do get out of balance we need to remind ourselves that we are responsible for making our own choices, so if we don’t speak up about it then we can’t complain if things don’t change…. We need to take the initiative to discuss it and ask for more help for example, or say that you will be doing less as you need the time to get on with some of your own stuff, for example, or that you need more rest.  Everyone has a right to ask for consideration. I am not saying we all have to do things equally, obviously it often makes sense for one to do more of what one is best at, or to do more of one thing for example so that the other can get on with something they have a special skill for – it’s like a trade off – if I do the cooking and the dishes, you do the DIY.  If one is earning more income from going out to work then it makes sense for the other to do more at home, and it may swing the other way next time.  One person’s career should not be seen to be more important than the other’s unless you both agree that this is the case, each should be allowed the time to devote to this, and anything in your life that helps create a sense of personal fulfilment.  Sometimes we might agree that one has priority for example if they earn a lot more for their time, but careers are not just about money, they are also about self worth and validation, and helping other out too, so this all needs to be taken into account. Obviously finances can be a tricky area – but if we are working as a team, then it is a team effort really too, so if the man earns a lot more perhaps he will agree that it makes sense for him to cover more of the costs, but that she will do more of the home chores for example – or if we are both earning then when we go out we should each pay a share. A woman should not just expect the bloke to pay!  Fights for rights have been no bad thing but sometimes they have pushed us too far the other way, or confused us a bit – women who tend to want to be everything can end up stressing themselves out trying to prove that they can, when often it is better to make some logical choices.  These are all things we need to discuss in detail with our partners as we all have our personal views and needs.  It is not a woman’s fault if society still tends to deem that she earn less.

By the way, I think that it is good to involve children to some degree in discussions that involve who does what or how the bills get paid.  I don’t think we need go into a lot of detail, but I don’t think we should shield them from reality – or they will get a fright later on when they are suddenly faced with everything at once.  I also think that is much better for them to understand how decisions are made, otherwise they might make dreadful assumptions – for example thinking that one parent is treated badly by the other when that isn’t actually the case as you have agreed to do things a certain way for certain reasons that seem good and obvious to you, but that they might never have thought of. They might think that a parent is a failure because they left a job for example if it isn’t explained that this was a choice that was made on purpose and why.  They might think that one parent is ‘bad’ and the other ‘good’ simply because they know about some things and not about others.  Later when they find out that there was actually more of a balance than they thought, they can then end up feeling guilty for having judged in the first place – even though they could not have known any better.  Hopefully we learn to let things go as we mature – there just isn’t anything good about holding onto resentment or guilt. Hopefully our young people will eventually realise that being parents is a huge learning curve!

Couples should ideally be friends as well as partners, and so have the potential to make a very good team, or functional unit – and so focus on communicating properly with each other from this point of view as well as on the more personal and intimate levels. Relationships based just on physical attraction can be pretty emotionally explosive, but then so can any relationship if we let things slip.  Good communication is essential really, otherwise how can you work anything out together? I think no matter how good we might think we are at getting along, we always need to be careful, keep reviewing things, make sure we are treating each other with fairness, respect, and kindness. Sometimes it’s a good thing to remind ourselves when we feel tempted to criticize, that we also do silly things.  “Do not judge lest ye be judged” is always a good quote to bear in mind.  Couples and friends need to be tolerant of each other – not expect too much – we are all human, with human foibles, idiosyncrasies, and imperfections.  We all get tired and tetchy sometimes, or forgetful, or locked into something we are focused on. Don’t expect your partner or friend to always be attentive and tuned into your needs, take the responsibility to stand up for yourself if you think there is something they are forgetting, but try to do it at an appropriate time, when they are likely to be able to listen properly.  There is no need to be upset or take it personally, just remind them, or just do what needs doing if they are really too busy, and hope that they do the same for you when you forget something. There is nothing even to forgive, we are all innocent, bumbling along, having a try at life and love, and mistakes are bound to be made. [Obviously this is very different from someone deliberately deceiving  – all we need is to be honest with each other, and love will keep us wanting to go on trying.] Yes, when you are really close up to someone you tend to notice all their ‘faults’ – but are they really faults?  We all have them – they are just the way we are – yes we can all learn to improve our ways, but we are all on the way all the time, we never become perfect, except in the sense of being perfectly human, warts and all. Other mis-communications are omitting to explain something, for example, “I can’t do that job yet because I need the builder to finish the trimming before I can know the right measurements” will stop her wondering why he won’t get on with it.  However, she also needs to remember that she shouldn’t expect him to get on with it, as he is bound to have his reasons.  We also shouldn’t expect people to do things perfectly – they will simply do as they can. No one can do everything perfectly, and sometimes they may not be feeling well, or might be in a rush to get on to something else.  Our priorities are different, so it can be good to explain for example “I’m going to have to make the dinner a bit later as I really need to finish this first”, or we could ask “Would you mind making dinner tonight as I’m really busy with……” and not just expect them to work it out for themselves. There is no good reason to start feeling contempt and disrespect for our nearest and dearest – if you love them, just accept them for who they are, and hope that they do the same for you.  Try to accentuate the positive, giving praise as often as you can.  We are all like children really, responding well if we are praised, and inclined to give up if we are knocked down too much.  Be nice to each other, nurture what you have, appreciate it.  Don’t be lazy, don’t let it drift, as that is when you do get into trouble.  Keep being clear about the specialness, or risk losing it.  Keep being clear about how you communicate and express how you feel, so that you can keep on working things out together.  If you get lazy about communication this can start to cause huge problems and a build up of resentment.  Don’t sit back and let poisons seep in, keep on top of things.  Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself when needed.  Be true to yourself and step up to the mark for the good of the team.  Love and trust and mutual respect are the gifts we have – don’t chuck them away, make the effort to keep things going as well as they possibly can.

Other Communication Points:

  • ·        Listening – ask to be listened to when you have something important you want to communicate – don’t just spit it out when the other is in the middle of something – ensure you have their attention.
  • ·        If you are not sure you are getting things across, ask for feedback such as “Can you see why I need to do it this way?” or “Can you understand how I feel / why I reacted that way / made that decision / needed some time with my mate / wanted to go windsurfing by myself for a change…?” Etc.
  • ·        If you are still not getting things across, try explaining in a different way, perhaps making comparisons to similar situations, perhaps turning it around as if your partner or friend were in your place.
  • ·        If it is difficult for you to get your point across, you might like to ask to be listened to without interruption for a while so that you can find the right words for example, but try to balance that by saying “of course, once I have made my attempt, I will be very happy to listen to your point of view and take that into consideration / hear what you think / feel about it.
  • ·        If speaking is difficult, try writing things down, at least at first.  It will also give you time to allow any anger etc to dissipate, and you will see things more clearly.
  • ·        Try to remember that your friends don’t usually mean to criticise you – if they put forward an opinion they are probably trying to be helpful – so don’t take it as a personal sleight, try to see things from their point of view and maybe admit that they might have a point.  If something seems hurtful, try to use your common sense to remind yourself that they would be unlikely to set out to hurt you on purpose, so asking for further clarification would be a good move – much better than reacting hotly!  You might even say “I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me, so I must be misreading this a bit, could you try to clarify what you mean?” On the other hand, if someone really does mean to be hurtful then try to understand why – it may be because they are already hurting themselves.  Maybe they feel that you just said or did something hurtful to them, or maybe they feel you’ve let them down somehow, or maybe they are just upset about something else.  You could ask “Ooh, that feels really hurtful, have I done something to upset you / are you okay?” – and try to give them time to talk if you think they are going to open up – or offer it later if they don’t seem ready just then.
  • ·        Don’t forget your sense of humour! Every so often we need to have a good laugh at ourselves – “Do you remember that time we misunderstood each other and I went off in a stupid huff – ha-ha-ha – let’s not do that again in a hurry – let’s talk – always try to sort things out rather than be miserable, try to lighten up and not over-react..”
  • ·        Don’t ever feel like you don’t have a right to say what you need to say – we all have a right – and we can all learn from each other – everyone is a teacher in their own way.
  • ·        Also try to remember that the best way to teach is to show rather than to tell – be an example of how you would like others to treat you.  So treat your loved ones well, but if they just seem to then take advantage of you, you will need to point this out – don’t let them ‘walk all over you’, as that builds up disrespect.  Being nice needs to not be overdone either – it isn’t good to ‘spoil’ someone, that’s why it is called ‘spoiling’ them….. it teaches them to expect things from / of you, rather than to appreciate, or to learn how to do things for themselves, so it is actually ultimately unkind.
  • ·        Fear holds many of us back, from speaking out, from making our points. We need to try to remind ourselves that there really should be nothing to fear from our nearest and dearest. Even if they don’t agree with what we are saying, they should still respect our point of view.  In fact no one should speak down to another – we all have our place in this world, with our particular unique personality, views, and skills.  Your nearest and dearest should obviously have your best interests at heart, so would probably be mortified if they realised you were suffering in silence, so the sooner you manage to share what you feel the better.
  • ·        Often it is possible to start a communication by first saying something positive to reassure the other person that you are not out to attack them…. For example you might be able to say something like “I really love the way we go out a lot together, but do you think that you could try to bear in mind that sometimes I am very tired from work and try to make some compromise about what time we leave?”  You could also add maybe “If there is something you want to stay out really late for when I need to get up early the next morning, maybe you could go on your own.  I know I tend to go as I drink less and so can drive home, but perhaps on this occasion, you could drink less, or get a taxi?”

So, if we pay attention to our communication, hopefully contempt will not arise, and we will be able to enjoy our familiar relationships as a continual blessing instead. It can be a good idea to regularly do a little reality check to remind ourselves of this.

by Julia Woodman

 

 

Safe Cave Meditation for Relaxation, Renewal, and Confidence

Video

this was written on request for a client

Safe Cave Meditation for Relaxation, Renewal & Confidence – THE SCRIPT (includes some extra tips at the end)

You know there is a cave somewhere
in your imagination – that you can go to
if you want PEACE & QUIET.
I want you to take yourself there now
and just wander around checking it out
before you sit down in the best spot.

You feel SAFE in your cave, and secure.
It’s a place where you can be CALM
and RELAX, and LET GO of worries.
It’s a place where you can REST
and RE-CHARGE before carrying on.
It’s a place you can ride out ANY storm.

So settle down and make sure
you are comfortable & warm.
Now take some LONG SLOW BREATHS
and count them as you let go of worries – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 –
As you count you RELAX more & more – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 –
Count until you feel sleepy – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12.

RELAX & RELEASE ALL YOUR THOUGHTS –
If any thoughts do arise, just set them aside –
let them wash away in the stream
that is gurgling gently nearby.
LET ANY TENSIONS GO TOO –
wash, washing away in the stream.

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Now FEEL SOFT LIGHTS in your cave –
Maybe fairy candles or glow worms – to SOOTHE you.
They have come to help you RE-CHARGE.
So now focus on RENEWING YOURSELF.
Feel their light COMFORTING you
and gently giving you NEW ENERGY.

With every BREATH, feel more LIGHT
steadily coming INTO your body.
BREATHE IT IN and feel it in your chest & abdomen –
in ALL parts of your body, your head, and your limbs.
Now feel it warming your heart
with the YELLOW LIGHT OF CONFIDENCE.

Also now you feel an ORANGE GLOW
in the lower parts of your body,
which gives you a sense of STRENGTH.
Feel that VITALITY spread –
and join with the yellow confident light
and RISE OUT TO SURROUND YOU.

You now have A BUBBLE PROTECTING YOU,
which you can take out into the world
and use anytime to BOOST yourself.
Use it for difficult situations
to keep you STEADY in yourself.
TRUST yourself to REMEMBER this.

Now just focus on your breathing
as you FEEL THAT ENERGY IN & AROUND YOU.
Give thanks for this, and everything else you have to be grateful for.
Then count again, backwards to retunr – 12 – 11 – 10 – and on
to – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – breathing more lightly now – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 –
and feel yourself ready to stretch, and rise up.

Move about a bit, rub hands on thighs etc – if you need to ensure you come back fully to the present moment. If you go deep into a meditation, it can take a few moments to be properly present afterwards. Having a drink of water helps too.

After a bit of practice with your imagination, you should be able to imagine that bubble around you at any moment you might need it. After a bit more time, it can even happen automatically, so you will then never feel quite so vulnerable again.
If you want to, you could even ask the fairies or glow worms to make you wings, and feel what it is like to wear them, and imagine what you could do with them. You can then imagine you have them any time you want to rise above a situation.
You can use just the first part of this meditation to help you fall asleep if you have difficulty with this. You could use the second half to help you wake up in the morning too if you wish.
If you have difficulties with communication, or need to prepare for a public performance, you could also add in a bit where the lovely pale blue of the stream water rinses your throat, washing away fear of speaking, and letting you feel what it is like to be clear, and concise, with what you want to say, so that you can use this experience in real life too.
There is a saying in LIFE COACHING that if you ACT AS IF something is true (pretend you are, for example, cool, calm, and collected), then it is like having the real experience of being that, so it becomes easier for you to learn that skill. (This can even apply to falling asleep – if you have trouble with this, then act as if you are pretending to someone else that you are asleep, like children sometimes do with parents, then before you know it, it may actually be so.)
Another way to boost confidence is to say “I can do it, I can do it, I can do this!” to the rhythm of your steps when walking, or hand claps, like a chant or mantra. Children could have fun with that part of it too, or might like to make up their own. So might you.
julia@radiance-solutions.co.uk can help you create your own meditations, visualisations, affirmations, or other personal and spiritual development tools.
There are also a lot of tools already available via http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

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Stardust Meditation

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A meditation to relax, let go of stuff, gather and renew your energy.

on SoundCloud firstl ink – or on YouTube below

Self empowering – Stardust Meditation

 

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Stardust Meditation as a Video on YouTube

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Stardust Meditation – THE SCRIPT

Hi, this is Julia Woodman from Radiance Solutions. Thank you so much for joining us today, and I hope you will enjoy this meditation.

To begin with, please take several deep breaths, and relax all parts of your body. Start with your shoulders, let them move up and down with the first few breaths to release tension, then after your breaths settle down to a steady rate, begin to relax from the top of your head, down.

Feel your scalp relax, then your neck. Now relax your face muscles, your jaw, and again your neck, and shoulders, then your arms, and hands.
Feel the centre of your chest relaxing as you breathe gently now, and your abdomen,
then your hips, thighs, knees, lower legs, and feet. Wriggle your toes and fingers slightly if it helps.

Now please imagine yourself in a beautiful and special place where you feel safe and strong.
Take a moment to ensure you are settled in there.

Now, align your head with the sky, the planets, and all the elements of life out there.
Think of that wonderful universe to which we are all connected.
Feel that connection deep within you.

Now feel our mother earth beneath you
Align the core of your body with her generous beautiful energy.

Let go of any negative energies you might have been holding on to.
Let go of any worry, blame, anger, guilt.
Let these energies go from wherever they might be hidden in your body or mind.
Sigh and move a little if it helps to let it let it all go.
Feel yourself filled with gratitude for life instead.

Let go of any lies or false stories you might have been holding on to.
Feel all this coming out of any part of you it might have been weakening.
Allow mother earth and sister sky to transmute them into harmless ash.

They now give you back your energy you have been tying up and wasting on these things.
Feel it in pure form, pouring into you, filling you up, strengthening all parts of you.

Now feel the energy between the heavens and the earth meeting in your body.
They relax you deeply and balance your spine and all your energy centres.
Feel the wonderful warm loving energy caressing the insides of your body.
It is healing anything that might have been getting in your way.

Now we are going to collect any other energy which may have been scattered so that you can totally renew yourself.

Bring back any of your energy that has been left in the past or that may have gone ahead into the future. Bring all your energy back into the NOW. If you simply ask it, you body knows how to pull it back. Ask it right now to gather that energy up, and feel it coming in.
Keep breathing softly while every scrap of that scattered energy returns to you.

Now, let go of attachments to things you don’t need any more
Claim that energy back now too.
Feel your body fill with all the returning energy.

Re-claim any energy unconsciously tied up in fear – or in judgement of your self or others.
Put the returning energy in your creative power pot.
You now have more energy than you ever dreamed possible. You can create your own magic in life.

Reassure your inner child that she doesn’t need to protect you any more.
Give it a hug and explain that you are grown up now, a mature being who can take care of their own thoughts and actions, but that you will always love that child, and will still often have fun playing games with it in your special places in this lovely world.

Ask you deep inner self to always remind you to honour the world and the universe, and every living thing, by being who you truly are and sharing your gifts with joy and love.

Feel your body tingling with golden hearts and stardust — all the elements you need to return you to your true and sacred power.

You are now free and complete. Give thanks, then when you are ready, wriggle your toes and fingers again, then stretch to bring yourself fully out of the meditation.

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Authenticity, Identity, True Power

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AUTHENTICITY

Authenticity is where the BEING living their life, or delivering their work, encapsulates / embodies / represents – the absolute true essence and spirit of the life or work.

This gives the life or work grace and power that is not ego based but which simply comes from their direct connection with, and attunement to, the forces around them (the planet & universe, the elements, the sounds, the colours, the exquisite details of all life.  Their life or work is heart-centred, and absolutely sincere.

It enables a person to find their own truth of identity and being, and thus live a life that realistically fits this true self, and therefore brings fulfilment.  It also communicates that to others, and even encourages others to open to their own light in response.

I think this is what they call the Duende, in poetry and music.

EMBODY YOUR TRUE ESSENCE & SPIRIT

Stand behind who you believe you are.

Be in your heart.

Stand behind your words,

Do what you say you’ll do.

Do what you’re good at.

Be truly you.

We can all be instruments of grace.

HEAL YOUR PAST – don’t hold onto pain.  Let it go.
(escape the little boxes we get put into )

Forgive your parents
(for they know not what they did)
(they thought they were trying their best)

Free youself
to truly get on with your life.

When we lay down unnecessary baggage,

we can stand up tall and love our lives.

Choose what sets you free

To truly express your skills

Life is an expedition – where we decide who we are –

Through what we choose to experience – and how we choose to act.

Shift of identity – let go to be yourself – no masks

The steady soul and the ego pretender
Walk with their arms round each other’s shoulders
Through the mirage.

They have learnt to work together
Instead of trying to destroy each other –
Have become team-mates in a balanced life.

Despite the chaos, they can thrive
Because they have stepped out of the struggle
To view the big picture from the outside

They can use their assets such as body and mind
To solve the riddles of their soul
And let their hearts gracefully unfold.

Become the greatness you can be –
drink the Holy Grail of yourself.
‘stepping out of fear’, ‘being unlimited’, ‘finding the keys’, ‘being in your heart in all you do’,

Prose Poems from my book SPAN – ― Jay Woodman, SPAN

 OBSERVATION

 So, we may not be able t explain the world. Not exactly. But we can accept it, and love it.  We can turn our faces to the light and examine the minutest details simply for the sake of it. We can live lives of joy and purpose. We are all part of one whole. Take comfort in this. Almost every one of us is capable of holding a cup to another’s lips without our hands shaking.

reject labels
(optimist / pessimist / brave / fearful / open / pragmatist / realist / idealist / artistic / practical / loving / cut off / social / withdrawn / introvert / extrovert / patient / impatient
You are UNIQUE

Don’t let anyone put you in a box
We can be different things at different times
Or even all at once –
Like the universe we come from.
Have some fun with life,
Explore potentials and thrive.

Break out of the box today – let me help www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

Move beyond limits, frustrations, pain –

“remember, the entrance to the sanctuary is inside you” – Rumi

Walk through your door with our advice & support
www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

Open the doors to your authentic self and life with our guidance and support.

Why try to do it alone?
www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

TRUE POWER

We often think that too much power is not great (power corrupts),
But that is only because we have seen bad examples of what certain people have done.

We misunderstand POWER.
We might even fear that too much bigness would get us shot down / rejected by others.

But POWER TO HELP OTHERS is good power –
It is not destructive – like the power to oppress or hurt people (such as in war / politics / business).

Power itself is not an issue – it is how we handle it that matters.
And we can focus on the good power to do good.

If you are being IN YOUR HEART, expressing your true self,
Then you are being strong and steady, yet HUMBLE,
And giving yourself to the world.

Various QUESTIONS to ask yourself

What lies at the core of your being?

What do you identify with?

What means most to you?

What would you like to be remembered for?

How would you describe your true self?

Are you BEING that true self?

If not then why not?

When and how will you make a start to get closer to this?

Would you like us to help?

What do you love doing and what are your skills?

Write some other statements about yourself – such as these……..

I stand for freedom and truth.  I stand for fairness and objectivity.
I see all sides of the picture to understand rather than jump to judgements from a limited (subjective) perspective.
I stand for real communication and choices for all.

If you like – copy and paste these questions and their answers into a document you can then email to us,
and we will offer a response. julia@radiance-solutions.co.uk

If you would like to life-coach yourself you can do so by using our life coaching pack of guidance and forms available from www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

8 is my lucky number because it stands for infinity when it lies down.

Meditation is a wonderful tool for so many things 

You can get our meditation guide here www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

let your mind be free

and have fun


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Cute animal fun

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catnaps2stress

our cats love to relax where i do healing and give advice over the phone or internet

wings1

Absolution from Absolutes – and the Cycle of Change

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There are no absolutes in the world, not really, so don’t expect too much from yourself, anyone else, or anything – but please don’t get cynical or judgemental either.

Just keep trying to be who you want to be – but don’t be uptight about it – try to relax into it.  Be ready to forgive yourself and others for not being perfect – just try to view ‘mistakes’ or unexpected events as an opportunity to learn.

You can ask yourself and others to do things, or behave in certain ways, and you may plan as clearly and carefully as possible, but we can all only do our best as fallible human beings, each with our own limited knowledge and experience.  So life tends to be full of  setbacks and misunderstandings, but we can ultimately overcome these.

Don’t worry about it – as worry is just a waste of energy.  Just quietly develop your plans.  Choose to take the power into your own hands and choose who or what it is you want to be or do – and plan how to achieve it.

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A life coach can help to advise you, but he or she is just there to help you make realistic and achievable goals that work for you and what you wish to achieve – the ultimate responsibility still lies with yourself.  They help you plan in measurable and timely steps or stages – along with planning for the necessary support, rewards, etc, and they can also help with advice such as how to discuss things with others.

If you are not sure what you want, then a good coach can also help you work this out.  Try listing possibilities, and scoring them according to how you feel about each.  Don’t be blocked by how difficult anything might seem, just be guided by how interested you are in doing it.  If needed, a coach (or counsellor) can also chat with you to tease out what you think any issues might be and help look at them with a different perspective.

You also have the power to help others plan their achievements – see the positives in them and try to express gladness to encourage them with their progress.  This might apply to a friend, or even to a person doing some work for you.  Your support can make it easier for them to get results.  If you greet a workman by telling him you are impressed with his timing, for example, and offering him a hot drink, then he will be inclined to work well for you, and you will both be pleased.

True friends (hopefully including your close family) are people who help their friends to be who they truly are, and will remind them if they deviate from that or act out of character.  They will also support them in their efforts to achieve any change or goals, so they would for example not smoke in front of them if they are in the process of giving up, or not insist on buying them a drink if they are driving, and they would understand and give them space if they needed to study for example instead of going out with them quite so often.  Someone might even offer to take on a task such as babysitting to enable you to do what you need to do.

Don’t be afraid to ask people to listen to your point of view, or to consider your needs and feelings.  If you are able to explain then there is every chance they will be helpful.

If you have a particular thing you wish to discuss, it is best to ask to set some time aside for this rather than just randomly try to throw it into a conversation.

Don’t be afraid to try new things – say yes if an interesting opportunity arises – and then take the time to plan.  Anyone can learn new skills, reach new targets, or have an adventure, if they are prepared to try.

Change could be in any area including: communication, habits or patterns of behaviour,  financial or economical, career or work-life balance, a move, relationships, fitness, health, taking up a hobby, further study, etc.

Live on Purpose.  Change is natural, there is no need to fear it, just give yourself the tools to enable the change to happen as you would wish it.

Don’t be tempted to give up if there is a setback or relapse – the cycle of change allows for this – the thing is to recognise this for what it is and just get back on the wheel.

You need to be aware that it is normal to start going well, with all the initial motivation kicking in, and then you may get a bit disheartened when you run out of initial puff, so this is the time to really be prepared – have something else in place to see you through this tough stage – like a friend to come round and help out or just chat, or go out for a meal, or take a break (such as a weekend away) to renew yourself and build up more energy, or search for new inspiration. You could even do something nice for someone else to help boost your self esteem.

Don’t allow yourself to keep flopping out in the same place – you must figure out how to get past each stage, and you will be rewarded with your own delicious sense of success

OUR LIFE COACHING PACK
All 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle – How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS to assist you
1 – How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do.
Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
2 – HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls.  Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.
3 – Goal Setting FORMS
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, plus several examples.
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight & getting fit alongside study times, job, and committee obligations,  3) planning workshops with all the admin etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

LUCKYCLOVER4

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Dealing With Stress: Regaining Self-esteem and Making Choices

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There are many stress symptoms below Julia discusses these and offers advice on dealing with stress as well as tips to improve your self-esteem.

Stress is something that can build up gradually without us noticing too much and then suddenly it becomes intolerable and we snap. Often we are forced to take a break from work, which then gives us time to think, and we realise that we need to re-organise ourselves. Or it might not be work-related, it might be a family or relationship situation than needs a rethink.

Gradually we may have given up our power – our personal power – to others – letting them tell us what to do more and more, and letting them push us harder and harder too. Often we let others walk all over principles, or ruin our environment with poisonous sniping and unfair demands.

We may know exactly what we want to do about it, or we may like some help and support to obtain some relief, then work through the issues and decide how best to move forward. We may also need help to plan whatever changes we wish to make. As a counsellor and life coach, I can help in both these areas.

Recognising Stress

Ideally if you recognise that you could do with some help before a situation gets too bad, then we can usually deal with things more constructively. I can help you by first clarifying the situation exactly, including your feelings about it, and then figuring out how best to sort things out. Communication can be key here, and I can help advise on that, and can even mediate if necessary. I can also help show you ways of dealing better with stress in the first place.

I have many tools to help you take back your power. I can help you re-connect with the deep self within, and re-kindle your joy in life. Awareness heightens your ability to make choices earlier and be more clear about your intentions too. Affirmations, inspirational quotes, and snippets of wisdom, all help boost your self esteem. Visualisations help give you relief and a sense of calm. Meditation takes you deeper – into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power. Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life. All this adds up to give you confidence to do what you want to with your time on earth, to make your life uniquely fulfilling – instead of stressful.

Life coaching is particularly suited to help you first of all be sure about what it is you want to achieve, and then plan for success, using realistic time scales for each step, with rewards for achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation. I am here to offer you support of course, but you should also ask those around you to be supportive to help keep you on track. However, if you do slip a bit, don’t beat yourself up about it, just get back on the road when you are ready.

Choice

You always have the power to choose whether to continue as you are, or whether to make changes. Even if you go on with what you are doing, then at least you will have very consciously chosen to do that….. it becomes easier once you have evaluated why you are making that choice. Awareness brings clarity to life. You are your own master.

Of course, counselling can help you deal with any issues, so that you can move on more effectively. Emotional baggage can set you back, but I can help you let it go. Also we can often get in our own way, for example, with fears sabotaging our attempts to progress. Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or friends. I can also help with relationships and sexuality. It is natural for us to have sensual and joyful relationships with those close to us and with the world around us. If you don’t identify with that, then let me help you discover these delights, which will add greatly to your sense of fulfilment as a human being. This in turn will help you find satisfaction in your other life choices, such as your career, and help you handle anything that’s needed to exist optimally.

I also love to work with young people, helping them make a meaningful transition into adulthood with a huge mixture of offerings and skills. Identity and belonging are areas we are weak on in our present day society, and this often results in a lack of understanding, confusion, disconnection, and emotional anguish, but nonetheless I can help.

In the meantime, let me end with a quote from Shakespeare:

“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Access our full stress busting guide here

MASTERY –  Imperatives for a Masterful Life – Awareness & Intention / (So called MASTERY and what it might be, or mean. / Roundup – Beliefs & Aims / What is the Source of Life? / Does what we Believe affect what Happens to us? / What is the Nature of ‘God’ & Why would Jesus have been Crucified to save us from our sins? / What Really Matters? / What else might matter? / What can we learn to be? / What does a ‘master’ know? / What does one strive for if one wishes to work towards mastery? / Are there such things as soul contracts? / Do we learn on behalf of the ALL that is, so that the collective ONE can evolve too? / Why do ‘bad’ things happen? / As we become ‘masters’, do we find ourselves recreated anew in each moment as the same being we chose ourselves to be in the last moment, or do we continue to evolve? / HUMILITY / A little more on INTENTION / Looking back at ‘mastery’ / What might happen after death? / AWARENESS – Everywhere & Nowhere / A brief simple but powerful MEDITATION, using your intention to help others. / STREAM poem / Meditation – How to use it for Subtle Activism / Free Thinking – Helping our Young People to Think for themselves / BEING REAL – Lennon in the Collective Consciousness / You Are the ONE poem.)

Aailable from our website – http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

Many more guides, such as MEDITATION ones, are also available from this page,
and also EASY AFFIRMATIONS TO EMPOWER YOU
and EASY VISUALISATIONS TO RELAX AND INSPIRE YOU

plus
OUR LIFE COACHING PACK
All 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle – How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS to assist you
1 – How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do.
Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
2 – HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls.  Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.
3 – Goal Setting FORMS
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, plus several examples.
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight & getting fit alongside study times, job, and committee obligations,  3) planning workshops with all the admin etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

LUCKYCLOVER4

Access our full stress busting guide here

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PEERS: Public Education and Empowerment Resource Service

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PEERS: Public Education and Empowerment Resource Service.

A great source of all sorts of knowledge……

Plus do come and join us at Back to The Garden website

and our open Back to The Garden GROUP on Facebbok.

One of the books I am writing now will also be called Back to The Garden – so by joining in and sharing information and ideas, you may have some influence on this.  The group also practices subtle activism – a type of distance meditation (at regular allotted times so that many of us together make more of a difference) to plant positive thought seeds into the collective consciousness.

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