Practicing tenderness and massage

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Showing tenderness in a relationship keeps reminding us of the positive love in the world as a whole and in our hearts.
There are exercises in my spiritual sex guide (available on our guides page) to help bring couples very close so that they can share an absolutely pure relationship. They are based on open communication, which can only be done with truly opened hearts.
Massage is a wonderful tool for two people who wish to learn to trust each other at a very deep level, and to deepen each other’s faith in their partner’s love for them. Partners need to respect each other’s feelings and boundaries or limits, as well as their bodies, so you also need to talk openly and listen fully. Massage also enables you to process the toxins of trapped emotions, and start fresh.

Some Essential Oils that can be mixed with Base Oils for Massage:

A great base or carrier oil is Jojoba, which is good for nourishing the skin. You can also use Sweet Almond, which is non-irritating, and softens the skin. Some others are Evening Primrose, Grapeseed (which is light, penetrating, and virtually odourless), Macadamia (which tones dry skin), and Wheatgerm (which is beneficial for tired muscles and revitalizing dry and aging skin).
For massage purposes, blend 4 to 5 drops of an essential oil with 10ml of carrier oil, but use less for the elderly or children (2 to 3 drops). Test for allergies first. You can also add a few drops to your bath water for an aromatic relaxing bath.

• Bergamot – is floral, fruity and sweet citrus. It is uplifting and good for increasing self confidence.
• Jasmine – Sweet and floral. Uplifting, warming, and good for instilling optimism.
• Neroli – Warm, floral and good for calming restlessness, shock, or anxiety.
• Patchouli – Rich, sweet, and great for grounding and stabilising.
• Tea Tree – Woody, camphorous, and Spiritually Cleansing.
• Ylang Ylang – Floral, exotic, uplifting, and good for soothing and inhibiting anger.
• Camphor – Sharp, menthol. An aphrodisiac and Muscle relaxant. Good for clearing sinuses if you don’t like any of those other sort of smells.
• Marjoram – Warm and sweet. Helpful for muscle fatigue.
• Orange (Blood) – Fresh berries. Reduces tension & anxiety, and inspires concentration.
• Palmarosa – Grassy, lemony, and rejuvenating. Good for skin care.
• Basil – Warm and spicy. Good for refreshing and toning skin.
• Cedarwood – Soft, sweet, relaxing and harmonizing. Good for meditation.
• Chamomile – Bright, crisp, sweet, fruity. Calming & Relaxing.
• Clary Sage – Sweet, warm, nutty. Relaxing & Uplifting.
• Cypress – Gives strength in difficult situations.
• Eucalyptus – Refreshing, cool, invigorating.
• Frankincense – Woody & calming. Helps soothe nervous tension.
• Juniper – Crisp & clean. Good for the atmosphere of a room and meditation.
• Lavender – Floral & Green. Relaxing, relieves nervous tension.
• Lemon – Fresh & sweet citrus. Helps calm irritability.
• Peppermint – Cool, invigorating. Relieves tiredness & increases concentration.
• Rosemary – Spicy. Good for memory and concentration.
• Sandalwood – Sweet, warm, sensual and relaxing. Excellent for meditation.
• Benzoin – warm, soothing, and eases tired muscles.
• Citronella – Powerful lemony aroma. Good for oily skin and insect repellant.
• Clover leaf – Hot, penetrating, spicy. Strengthens mind & memory.
• Geranium – Sweet rose & citrus. Uplifting & stabilising.
• Litsea – Uplifting, stimulating, and ideal for tired muscles or greasy skin.
• Mandarin – soft, warm, and gentle. Helps overcome restlessness.
• Myrtle – Spicy, camphor-like aroma. Clarifying & cleansing.

Tenderness (a song)

D G
Hold me, stroke me, / touch me tender
D G lo A
Like no other / sun gave me its / light

D G hi A
Like no other / sta-ars kissed my / eyes
D G lo D A lo
Like no other / pla- a- a-nets / spun inside my / head

D G lo A
Like no other / wi-ind blew its / breath
D G hi D A
Like no other / water sang its / so-o-ong / before

D G lo D A
Like no other / earth ; cradled / me-ee in its / arms
D G lo hi A hi
Like no other / tree ; held me to its / heart

hi D G hi D A
Like no other / bi–ird gave to / me its wings / before
D G lo A
Like no other / kitten shared its / licks
D G lo A
Like no other / cloud gave me its / lips
D G hi D A
Like no other / moon laid its ca / ress upon my / skin
D G lo A
Like no other / grass has shared its / dreams
D G lo A lo
Like no other / leaves have ever / li-ist-ened

hi D G hi D A
Like no other / flo-ow-ers showed / me-ee their / co-o-lours
D G lo A
Like no other / God showed me his / love
D G lo A D
Like no other / God showed me his / lo-o- / ove

trnderness

Here are a couple of pieces from my book of prose poems – SPAN –

FLY

Delicate, butterfly winged, we vainly push against the sky, each trying to find our place. Yes, we are going to die, let’s not beat about the bush. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. Maybe many years from now. Meanwhile, we have someone who loves us, someone to love. Surely there is no need to hesitate.

OBSERVATION

So, we may not be able to explain the world. Not exactly. But we CAN accept it, and love it. We CAN turn our faces to the light and examine the minutest details simply for the sake of it. We CAN live lives of joy and purpose. We are all part of one whole. Take comfort in this: Almost every one of us is capable of holding a cup to another’s lips without our hands shaking.

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A Holistic Approach to Loving our Bodies and Our Lives

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To get a bit of healthy discussion going between our experts, Julia has a follow up post to last weeks Wednesday Wisdom on Body Confidence. (This was on another website, but I have left the mention in so that it makes sense as you read.)

I agree with Star’s 11th July Wednesday Wisdom Blog “Body Confidence”, but of course there are many other things we can love about our bodies than how they look.

I am continuously amazed by how well we are put together, how our bodies work, and the incredible things we can do with them.

I am grateful for the systems that function to keep me alive and well.  Just look at the details – isn’t it incredible?  Aren’t we incredible!

I like to feel strong and fit, and am pleased that I can do physical work sometimes, and feel that different kind of tiredness at the end of a day that is really satisfying, and bodes for a sound night’s sleep that is really renewing.  The more muscles we use the better – it’s not so great to do things that strain some areas and leave others untouched – but we can remedy this by doing other things which do provide more of a balanced form of exercise and make us feel good all over.

I love to dance.  It’s amazing how we can wriggle and shake and twist, bend and spin and kick.  I revel in the feeling of it, and being able to express a response to good music in this way is wonderful.  I make sure to roll my shoulders to release tension, and sway and rotate my hips at least some of the time, to prevent them from stiffening up as I get older.  I often have a good laugh too, by the way.

trnderness

Yoga and martial arts are great, not only for the movements that stretch us and keep us supple, but also for the balance we develop.  From the centre of our bodies we can then move our limbs more effectively.

Lots of sports test your abilities and skills.  I tend to prefer individual non-competitive ones such as windsurfing and climbing, but of course there are loads of team sports and things you can do with your friends too.

Swimming is fantastic for overall body exercise and way of keeping fit, and doesn’t put any weight bearing strain on your skeletal frame. Walking is absolutely excellent for you, especially if you can do it in a lovely natural environment which is soft underfoot and beautiful to enjoy.  The steady movement not only exercises us in a balanced way, it also allows stress to seep away, and our breathing to deepen and cleanse us.

Exercise has many added benefits – it boosts good brain chemistry (but don’t overdo it as it can actually become addictive because of this).  It also helps toxins to clear from all areas of our bodies as we move and breathe to stimulate all our systems.

It’s great if you also drink more water to help clear toxins out after exercise, or anytime in fact, rather than go for other drinks all the time.  If we are exercising well, then we also tend to go naturally for more healthy foods, rather than comfort foods.  Food is something else we can really appreciate and enjoy in a sensory way – the taste and aroma’s, as well as the visual.  And if we eat the right things for our bodies, that of course also helps them to function better.

Of course, it is more than just the physical that we can love.  I advocate total mind-body-spirit balance if you want to really make the best of life, and give yourself every reason to love and appreciate yourself, and your interaction with the world around you.

We are physical beings experiencing life here – ideally in energetic balance between the earth and the universe.  We need to find ways to stimulate our minds, and have fun at the same time.  And we need to look at our spiritual side too, to make life satisfying and meaningful.  I can help with this.  Why not take a look at some of my guides and other articles on this blog or on my website, such as “Breathing to Balance….”, “How to Feel Great”, “Philosophy & Sensuality”, “Spiritual Coaching”.  “Being Lighter than this…” looks at a blend of the mental and physical to optimise performance in any area, including sports, studies, interviews, and public appearances.

I really advocate being creative and sensual in life, as well as developing practical skills, and using our minds as tools. We can use our awareness and intention to notice and enjoy things, as well as to learn new things, all of which enhance how we live.

We can fine-tune ourselves to live optimally, and really get the best out of life.  As a Counsellor and Stress Consultant, I can help deal with any emotional issues that might get in the way of finding your balance here, and of becoming comfortable with yourself and with others.  And as a Life Coach, I can also help you to plan how best to move forwards with anything you might wish to achieve.

We can look around us at the amazing complexity and diversity of things; how the many eco-systems of the earth work, the intricate details and variety of life, and also how the solar system incredibly allows life to exist here.  I hope that you can enjoy a sense of wonder at it all, and share it with your children too.  If we can hold onto that sense of child-like wonder in life, and not let it be dulled by work and other pressures, then it stimulates both mental and spiritual curiosity, and boosts your overall enjoyment of life.

Look also at the amazing skills and unique attributes we have, or can develop.  Life is chock-full of opportunities to use them, to explore, to learn, and to become more and more of who we can be.

So, I encourage you to think holistically rather than putting too much emphasis on one area, and try to optimise your overall life experience.  Loving it all means that you cannot help loving yourself because you are part of it.

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