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Create Health – Empowering YOU
Tag Archives: self esteem
Pep Talk
StandardHey you, you’re amazing!
Have you thought about the details of how your body works?
How everything fits together to make a human being that can do so many things, never mind just physically surviving?
Down to the incredibly tiniest detail, everything pulls together to make you a living miracle, able to walk on this astonishingly beautiful earth.
Doesn’t it just fill you with wonder?
As long as you give it good fuel, exercise, and rest, your body manages pretty well.
And your mind – well, it’s like and extra extraordinary bonus software programme with multiple added functions all thrown in.
You can use it for basic things like how to drive your body machine in specific ways to achieve heightened accomplishments like winning races or doing jujitsu.
You can use it to learn vast reams of information that might help you to take a lead in some specialist field or to become an all-round knowledgeable person who just takes pleasure in satisfying their mind’s innate curiosity and their ability to take good care of themselves, their circumstances, and help those around them.
But did you know that you can use your mind to actually rewrite some of its own programming?
We all know that some of our programming could do with being updated – we might even be carrying programming handed to us via our upbringing or particular experiences or circumstances – rather than it all being of our own conscious making.
So – you can choose what you want to change, figure out a good way of doing it, then start taking those steps.
You can gradually change habits by simply reminding yourself what your priorities are, and by giving yourself other things to effectively keep you from falling back into old patterns, for example a delicious cloudy apple juice instead of that beer or another coffee fix, or a deep breath rather than plunging into an angry reaction to someone or something that you might later regret.
But it can get deeper than that.
You can use guided meditations to reach into the deeper parts of your brain and re-train it to move past redundant programming and accept the new – such as overcoming fears, and replacing old thoughts with new ones to focus on.
For example you could be telling yourself how amazing you are to be able to fly – to see the world from way up high – travel to new places to explore with delight.
You can literally breathe in a sense of joy by focusing on that to keep the old fear out.
You can write the new scripts yourself – the ones that help you evolve into the new you that you have chosen to be – the one that dared to take the next step to heighten your own experience of being – to enhance your already magical existence.
Or you can ask someone like me to help. I can help you write personalised scripts to suit whatever needs you wish.
I can also work individually or with groups – at any venue – even small groups gathered in a living room – to teach you how to use guided meditation, the most amazing tool, to empower yourself.
It is incredible where you could go with this.
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Agent for Transformation Slideshow
StandardSee our slideshow here:
Namaste!
No matter what the age – praising good behaviour is always better
StandardNo matter what the age – praising good behaviour is always better than punishing bad.
Even a small baby can manipulate – they have to – it is their survival mechanism – all they can do is cry for attention. If they feel insecure, for example if dad has been away for a period, then they may cry any time mum tries to leave the room. It is very hard to always take them with you, or always answer their call immediately, but they do get used to things gradually. Just try to be very reassuring when you do go to them. Be warm and cuddly with them, sing to them, and talk to them to explain – even when they can’t understand your words, then can understand your reassuring tone.
Exactly the same applies to old people or sick people dependent on your support – they feel helpless, as well as unwell, so they are bound to be cranky if they don’t get their share of attention. Give them a bell or something so that they can be sure you can hear them when they really do need you, and spend time with them whenever you can, just reading with them, chatting, playing games etc, so that they do feel you are there for them and don’t feel them to be too much of a burden. Try to show your love, talk about all the good times.
Also when working with disabled and / or mental health patients, they feel helpless, frustrated, and sidelined, so try to spend quality time with them – again reading, chatting, playing games, and singing. You might even really do a star chart for them if they can manage to shower for example without scratching or hitting, and reward them with more attention when they are doing well, although you still have to encourage and reassure them when they are struggling of course. Singing and counting can really help them achieve tasks too.
Similar things apply to your older children, especially when they are developing their own identity more….. praise them for courage in trying new things, even if the experience is not so good, they learn from it. Give them some slack, a bit of freedom, to explore their lives, relationships, and options.
So with your partners too, they will respond better when you show your appreciation for the good little things, the lovely things, the thoughtfulness and nice gestures – than if you only complain about the bad things. When you have a young family, it is hard to find time for each other, but even a few moments of tenderness here and there help. You don’t have to spend huge amounts of money and time trying to keep things alive, sometimes the little things count even more.
Remember to notice yourself, when you do good things. Don’t get all full of ego, but do acknowledge that you have managed something well. It helps your self esteem, and also your learning, as you will realise where skills are developing, but also where you could learn even more. Perhaps you will even uncover a hidden talent and start a new hobby or business.
Trying to control anybody else through punishment, manipulative behaviour, anger etc, just never works out well. If you give freedom and trust, and praise the positive, this leads to much more joy. Never forget to show by example – so express your own joy, sense of fun, and your love. Share your interests and feelings, and listen to others when they wish to do the same. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, for it is when you are truly being yourself that the right people are attracted to you, and the ones you already have around you stand with you.
Discussion Times for Couples or Others
StandardDiscussion Times for Couples or Others needing to make an effort to get along
- Make short pre-arranged times to come together to discuss a few things so that people can prepare for this instead of having things sprung on them. Obviously ensure this is a good time for all, so that it doesn’t clash with favourite programmes or things that need doing.
- Prioritise just a few of the most important things needing discussion so that no one feels overloaded. You could make a few headings for things to come under (much like an agenda), such as Finance, House Management, Relationships.
- Make it a rule that everyone gets a fair turn, and others listen properly, but no one is allowed to waffle on too long, they must learn to be concise.
- Also, if anyone becomes too emotionally worked up, it is better to call a short break, walk about, stretch, get drinks etc, before continuing.
- The main thing about this as that everyone learns to trust each other to try to make this a constructive thing to do, that isn’t stressful, so keeping it short and fair is very important.
- Bear in mind that not everything has an answer, so don’t expect too much from your partner – sometimes it is okay to accept that there may not be an obvious solution to an issue, although that should not be used as an excuse to not give things due consideration.
- Also remember, that while you can ask others to consider your needs, you cannot necessarily expect them to fulfil them. Obviously everyone can try to take things into consideration to a point, but relationships are not there for fulfilling each other’s needs, they are for working together as a team, and loving with freedom to let each other be who they are in themselves, and each person should aim to be self empowered rather than too dependent on each other.
- Look for small steps rather than expecting everything to happen at once – for example, to arrange to pay small amounts on each bill until there is more income (or prioritise the most important bills), or go to the park if you can’t afford to go out for dinner to spend time together. Don’t assume your partner will only accept big solutions, don’t be afraid to suggest compromises.
- Try not to criticise each other – show what you do like by giving compliments and showing appreciation etc, for example “I loved the way you texted me out of the blue today, it made me feel so cared for”, or “Thank you for listening so carefully to my feelings”, and you could always ask them if there is anything they would like to share in return.
- Always try to leave room for each person to express themselves without interruption, as long as they don’t overdo it. If things get too much, then ask for a break, or suggest that they speak about it again when they have better collected their thoughts so that they can be more concise and clear, or so that the emotional levels are cooled a little. Don’t continue if you are becoming distraught, but do promise to speak / listen again when things are more calm, and things can be expressed better. Writing things down can help take the emotional heat out of it, and also help you clarify which bits are important, so that you can prioritise a few points and present them as clearly and concisely as possible. This is also a good thing to do if your mind is going over something at night to prevent you from sleeping, or anytime you are upset. (Sometimes a first draft of what we write would be long and emotional, but a second draft would be much shorter and make more logical sense, so you would never show the first draft to anyone else as it would only confuse things.)
- Try to leave room after your meeting to relax before going to bed. It is always better to go to sleep on good terms, rather than stew all night. It is much harder to regain a warm outlook towards each other if you have left it until the next morning. So reassure each other after your meeting, that you are done with the discussion for now, and anything else can be set aside until next time, etc. Maybe there is something you could add to help, like some relaxing music, or even meditation? Or rubbing each others backs in a warm bath?
- However, don’t always carry things over to next time, do try to conclude some things at each meeting, otherwise the meetings will become a drag. Okay, so if you did not find a solution for something at one meeting, and people have agreed to think about it until the next one, then it is okay to have it on the agenda again, to see if any bright ideas or different perspectives have emerged, but don’t dwell on something too much. Of course some things that need doing in stages or steps will have to come up again, for example revising payment plans, or if you have paid off one bill, then you would want to agree how to redirect the funds no longer needed for that one, etc, but these are generally the more practical things.
- Even though you leave space to settle down after a meeting before bed, it may not be the best night for sex, but remember that a cuddle does not have to mean sex. Closeness should be shown in many other ways. It is better to have warmth and friendship between you than to feel pressure to perform, then when you do want to try sex, it will come more naturally.
- Massage is a wonderful way to show your caring side and to treat each other (make sure it goes both ways, unless one prefers an alternative reciprocation, but it doesn’t have to necessarily be the same time, so one could be treated one night and the other the next, for example). It does not have to be a huge thing, just a few caresses or strokes is better than nothing. A few strokes, or even just a warm hand resting on you, can release a lot of tension from the body. Don’t forget the head and face, these are areas people don’t often get touched outside of intimate relationships.
- Respect is vitally important. Respect for yourself as well as for each other. So each person is making an effort in the relationship (or team), and in their own lives, and feels they have a right to speak and to be heard – so you do listen to each other as long as they do not treat you disrespectfully. If anyone has trouble with self esteem, they should perhaps consider getting some help with this. Our pasts can have a huge influence on our behaviour, especially if we have been treated badly, and we may need help to move beyond certain patterns and to feel more empowered (in a balanced way, that does not try to control others).
- Meditations and visualisations can be wonderful tools to use individually and as a couple. They can enhance your sense of deeper self, and all your relationships (family, friends, work, etc.) I have several of these available on you tube, including an anger management one, and I will be continuing to add more.
- There are some simple things you can do here – before your meeting you could sit facing each other for a moment, maybe holding hands, and close your eyes. Breathe deeply and call up your love to help you be calm and gentle at your meeting, so that it can be a successful / positive experience for all. You could even say something out loud, such as “I promise to try to be calm and loving”, or “I promise to honour and respect you and listen to your points of view, and I ask you to do the same for me.” Call on each other’s highest (deep) selves to be present. You could also do a similar thing at the end of the meeting, for example, holding hands in a circle, and saying “Thank you” and sharing your love in the same way, silently for a moment, blessing your relationship.
- Children can be included in family discussion times from quite an early age, so that they feel empowered to have a say, learn about responsibilities, and share feelings.
Blessing to all, Julia Woodman
Any suggestions to add? Please feel free to comment.
Some Coping Strategies & Support Ideas for Mums with Young Children
StandardEffective Strategies to help you Cope if things have got Tough, and also
to help you re-engage Joyfully with life and make Practical Plans for further
Goals. This is especially slanted to suit mums, but is helpful for anybody.
by Julia Woodman – Life Coach, Counsellor, Stress Consultant, and Writer
How about keeping a special book to write down lists, notes, responses and observations as
you go along. This is a special record of things you will want to know where to find and refer
back to easily from time to time.
If you are setting out on this journey with young children, then use a large scrapbook for them
as well. Encourage them to explore the world around them and draw and stick things into their
scrapbook as they go.
Make the best of what you have. List all the good things about and around you, and focus
on appreciating them by referring to your list every day. This should include :
• Things about yourself (assets, skills, attributes – for example, you might have child care skills,
be a good cook, a loyal partner, have beautiful hair, strong arms, be friendly, have a great sense
of humour, good health, good home, job that fits around family so that you can be there for them,
considerate, helpful, creative)
• Things about your friends and family etc – listing each person separately is probably best
(very similar to above, including things like: loving partner you can communicate well
with, great children, sensible teenager, friends you can chat at ease with, parent you can
ask for help, practical brother, understanding boss, etc.)
• Things about your surroundings ( beautiful hills and valleys you can walk in, rivers to fish
or swim in, amazing flowers or butterflies you can look at or smell or draw or photograph,
places to go out and listen to music and dance, gym, martial arts or yoga etc classes,
seaside for watersports, swimming pool, good school, other kids that your kids can
spend time with, good weather for growing your crops or veg etc, access to good health
support, libraries, college, jobs, etc.)
You can also refer back to this list to make sure you remember to make use of
the good stuff – for example, keep a diary perhaps to just take note of inspiring
things at any time, and to draw in or write poems in about the beautiful things
in any wild spaces you visit.
You might like to cook a special meal for your partner or family or even just for yourself,
find ways to ensure that you keep up with your friends (even if just via the internet if they
are far away), find fun ways to keep fit, set aside time for good movies or comedy shows
or music events, access resources and knowledge available, play games with your friends
and family, etc. Remember to give praise to partners and children when you can.
When taking walks or going on trips with your children it is great to point out how things
work along the way, and show them the beautiful details in nature, encourage them to
draw or write about it, or stick things in their scrapbooks, such as leaflets about where
you have been. You could help them draw a flower or leaf, and then press it between the
pages of a heavy book in greaseproof paper (which keeps it more vibrant than tissue paper).
Then later on when it has dried you can compare it to the drawing, maybe even
stick it into the scrapbook next to the drawing.
“Beauty is alive in every moment, riding the breath of life
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Young children can understand a lot more than we tend to think, and it is crucial to keep
their curiosity, sense of wonder, and thirst for knowledge alive. You too can enjoy their
delight if you help them for example by using illustrated information books. It is
wonderful if you can put on a little act and exclaim with delight or awe at some of the
amazing details.
Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or
friends. Be prepared to ensure that you have your fair say in a respectful way. Again, it
is good to write things down in preparation so that you are clear about what the most
important one or two things you want to discuss are, and don’t muddy the waters with all
sorts of vague bits and pieces. I do have more detailed articles and videos about
communication available via my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Let go of small things that niggle at you by concentrating on being grateful for the good
things. What does the other stuff matter by comparison? We all know that no one is
perfect, so let’s stop expecting them to be. If you give praise for the good stuff it will
make everybody (including yourself) feel more willing to try to be their best.
List the knowledge and skills that you already have, and appreciate those too.
These are the building blocks of your life. No thing is too small, so put them all down.
If you are lacking in confidence then use affirmations to help build this up.
There are also some of these available via my website.
You can also learn to write your own – they must always be written in the present tense.
A wonderful affirmation that helps balance your mind, body, and spirit because it aligns
you with the earth and the universe (both of which crucially allow and support life) is to
simply say “I love, and I am loved”. You need to be comfortable, take a few deep
breaths to relax and focus, and then say this aloud and feel that it is true. Your
relationship with the universe and with the earth is fundamental to who you are. Be at
ease with yourself, and let the energy flow up and down your spine as you stand upon the
earth, holding your head steady, repeating this until you know that it is true.
When we are balanced, it is easy for others to love us, because we hold a steadiness in
our hearts and do not react to trivial things. You are regaining your connection with the
deep self and the real world beneath all the crazy stuff and meaningless rules we have
piled on it. Breathe deeply and feel yourself to be more free.
As you progress through all these ideas here and in some of my other materials, you will
find that your confidence increases quite naturally. You have to know that you are
worth it. Everyone has an equal right to live their lives as they choose because each one
of us is a vital part of the overall diversity of life and consciousness. You are a unique
human being come to experience life on this planet so you should aim to learn from
everything, even what we would normally term as negative because the most challenging
things usually have the most potential to teach us stuff. Even illness can be viewed as the
body trying to show us that it needs attention, so once you start listening to that and doing
something about it, you are taking the positive steps you need to. It is your life, and you
have the power to choose to make it good for you. You should not be afraid to follow your
heart and fulfil your dreams, don’t listen to people who tell you otherwise, or to any
niggling doubts in your ego mind.
Our minds can be used as tools to help us help ourselves, instead of allowing
ourselves to be subjected to some of the silly thoughts, fears, and worries that tend to go
round in our heads if we let them. Stop listening to that sort of negative stuff and focus on
the positive. Think about it – worry is a total waste of energy because it does not achieve
anything productive. All it does is show us that perhaps we need to take care to prepare
for whatever it is we are worrying about or fearing, so that we can face it instead of letting
it knock us down. Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real – usually if we just
get on and do what we are afraid of, then we find it is all fine after all – so we need to learn
to stop our minds getting in the way, and use them instead to help us move forwards.
By making these lists of all the good stuff, we can then remind ourselves of things to
inspire and motivate us. We can say “AHHHH YES I CAN DO THIS. Look – I already
have some of the skills, and I can learn the rest, and find out what I need to know and do
to be successful.” You can learn to follow your heart to be who you truly want to be.
If you feel stressed or depressed, then look for my articles that can help with such
issues, which are again available on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
There is a full Stress Busting guide available too. Don’t let these things steal your power,
learn how to deal with them! I also have some simple visualizations to help you relax, but
meditation is even more powerful, so if you are prepared to put in the work, go for my
full meditation guide, and you should be well rewarded for your efforts. Meditation takes
you into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power.
Promise yourself that you are going to stop beating yourself up about anything –
you are doing the best you can for the moment, and as you find out how best to move forward,
you will continue to be doing the best that you can in each moment. Of course, as you
learn and plan and achieve, that best will be better than it was before, and you can
congratulate yourself for every step that you take. Meantime just do not expect too much
from yourself, we can only do what we can, given the tools we have in each moment.
Don’t judge yourself (or others) – each moment is only one step on our journey. Even
if you take a step backwards, don’t waste time and energy on berating yourself for that, just
get back on the track.
Everyone needs a bit of space to themselves once in a while, so ensure that you
do get this, and don’t let anyone else make you feel that you can’t take it – we need to rest
and renew ourselves, recharge our energy. We all have different ways of doing this, so
plan for it as part of your life, just don’t overdo it – there is a big difference between taking
time out now and again to do something inspiring, and withdrawing or retreating from
things. It should be time to do something positive for yourself….. yes if you need to sleep,
then sleep, but ideally you could meditate or read or write or draw or play music, go for a
walk, visit a friend, or do anything you love.
Meditation is fantastic for regaining and strengthening our deeper sense of self.
It can also be used as a tool to train our minds to do what we want instead of getting in our way.
Plan lists of anything else you want to learn or achieve – You can come back to this
later, it is just to get your thoughts clear for now Don’t just think about work, think about
hobbies, enjoyment etc too, anything that might help you (and your partners, and
children, if you have them) have more fun. Obviously sometimes you may need to do
things on your own, but this can be planned for – if you really want to do it, make sure
you put it on your list, don’t leave anything off or limit yourself just because your logical
mind says it isn’t practical!
Writing all these things down helps to give them more potential. If you faithfully
make your lists as suggested, then you will find it useful to refer back to them to remind
yourself of your thoughts and renew your positive motivation. Another main factor about
writing all these things down is that it clarifies your intentions, which helps you focus on
what you want. If our minds are less muddled then we are simply much more likely to
follow what we have set down, so this focus removes the muddle and sets you on track.
We can go a stage further and use life coaching charts to actually make step by step
plans of how we are going to get from point A to B. These are different from the
lists above, because these exercises here are looking at your whole life really, whereas in
life coaching plans you need to focus on one or two specific areas – for example how to get
to do what you want at college, how to plan to move country, how to give up a bad habit,
how to save or pay off debts, how to get fit or lose weight, how to basically achieve any
goal we choose to.
We make the steps along the way realistic and achievable alongside time frames that
again are realistic and achievable. We also add in details like who is going to help or
support you where help is needed, for example you may need a child-minder so that you
can attend college, or you might just need to be able to phone someone up for moral
support if you are feeling tired and demoralised. Or you might just be able to refer back
to your book where you have written your list of reasons for doing this in the first place
to regain your sense of motivation. In any case, your plan will also include rewards for
achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation. We need to bear in mind
that any cycle of change is bound to have slight setbacks once in a while as it is normal to
feel very motivated to start with then run out of steam a bit if things get tough, but the
thing is just to get back on up and on with it again as soon as you are ready, and not waste
time and energy regretting the setback. If we are prepared well enough, then we will
have the support in place to help us get back on track. I have life coaching charts
available on www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm so that you can use them
yourself if you wish to.
If you want to find something to do and you are not sure what that is yet, then I do also
have a system included in my Life Coaching packages to help you tap your
subconscious to identify what you most want. This might help mums returning to
work or mothers whose children have left home, for example, to decide what sort of a career
or business they might want to go for, or define what hobbies or college course might suit
someone. Again, this is on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm
I also love to help Young People and have specific materials available about communication
with them, and helping them to make the transition into adulthood.
I have other guides such as ‘Confirming your Joy’, as well as the Meditation and Stress Busting
ones, all available via www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm There are ones
related to Creativity, and Spirituality, and Evolving Consciousness as well.
Creativity is not just about the generally recognised arts, it includes all sorts of
things, like cooking, sewing, woodwork, gardening, flower arranging, decorating, you name it,
we all have some creativity in us. Creativity is also often an outcome of curiosity, which
children usually have in abundance, so looking at things around you can naturally lead on to
creating something in relation to that.
Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life. Both of those
help add to your sense of confidence and satisfaction because you are interacting more
with the world around you through your creativity, which also involves a deep level of
noticing details. So I always advocate that people watch other people, animals, plants,
anything at all, and really note the finer details of behaviour, natural beauty, and the
amazing diversity of life, the interaction between things, and also how things function so
incredibly well – including our own bodies. It is equally inspiring to know that even if
we may not function that well all the time, we can always do something about helping
ourselves return to our optimum state.
More details of the HELPFUL LIFE COACHING TOOLS available hereThere are some specific pointers in there that will be helpful to Mums returning to work, plus an example form called “Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing”.Life Coaching Pack of All 3 Achievable Goal Planning Sections How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS £6.50 (which gives a saving of 50p on buying them separately as detailed below). [The sections are also available separately so that people who don’t need the “help to decide” section can save by just buying the other two. And sometimes people just want the “help to decide” section and then take it from there themselves because they might already know about life coaching, but that is a unique extra developed by me. Or people might just want to use my forms and look at my examples, although I do obviously recommend looking at the 2nd section too, as there is so much useful information in it.] Life Coaching 1 How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do £1.50Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves. Life Coaching 2 HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Life Coaching 3 Goal Setting FORMS £3 Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight and getting fit alongside study |
IN CONCLUSION
I really hope that this has been helpful, and that anyone interested in planning to achieve
goals will take the next step and get the life coaching packs, but please do also feel
free to phone or email with any questions, or if you would like further support.
Whatever choices you make
best wishes!
Links to other articles pages via our TOOLKIT page
A Holistic Approach to Loving our Bodies and Our Lives
StandardTo get a bit of healthy discussion going between our experts, Julia has a follow up post to last weeks Wednesday Wisdom on Body Confidence. (This was on another website, but I have left the mention in so that it makes sense as you read.)
I agree with Star’s 11th July Wednesday Wisdom Blog “Body Confidence”, but of course there are many other things we can love about our bodies than how they look.
I am continuously amazed by how well we are put together, how our bodies work, and the incredible things we can do with them.
I am grateful for the systems that function to keep me alive and well. Just look at the details – isn’t it incredible? Aren’t we incredible!
I like to feel strong and fit, and am pleased that I can do physical work sometimes, and feel that different kind of tiredness at the end of a day that is really satisfying, and bodes for a sound night’s sleep that is really renewing. The more muscles we use the better – it’s not so great to do things that strain some areas and leave others untouched – but we can remedy this by doing other things which do provide more of a balanced form of exercise and make us feel good all over.
I love to dance. It’s amazing how we can wriggle and shake and twist, bend and spin and kick. I revel in the feeling of it, and being able to express a response to good music in this way is wonderful. I make sure to roll my shoulders to release tension, and sway and rotate my hips at least some of the time, to prevent them from stiffening up as I get older. I often have a good laugh too, by the way.
Yoga and martial arts are great, not only for the movements that stretch us and keep us supple, but also for the balance we develop. From the centre of our bodies we can then move our limbs more effectively.
Lots of sports test your abilities and skills. I tend to prefer individual non-competitive ones such as windsurfing and climbing, but of course there are loads of team sports and things you can do with your friends too.
Swimming is fantastic for overall body exercise and way of keeping fit, and doesn’t put any weight bearing strain on your skeletal frame. Walking is absolutely excellent for you, especially if you can do it in a lovely natural environment which is soft underfoot and beautiful to enjoy. The steady movement not only exercises us in a balanced way, it also allows stress to seep away, and our breathing to deepen and cleanse us.
Exercise has many added benefits – it boosts good brain chemistry (but don’t overdo it as it can actually become addictive because of this). It also helps toxins to clear from all areas of our bodies as we move and breathe to stimulate all our systems.
It’s great if you also drink more water to help clear toxins out after exercise, or anytime in fact, rather than go for other drinks all the time. If we are exercising well, then we also tend to go naturally for more healthy foods, rather than comfort foods. Food is something else we can really appreciate and enjoy in a sensory way – the taste and aroma’s, as well as the visual. And if we eat the right things for our bodies, that of course also helps them to function better.
Of course, it is more than just the physical that we can love. I advocate total mind-body-spirit balance if you want to really make the best of life, and give yourself every reason to love and appreciate yourself, and your interaction with the world around you.
We are physical beings experiencing life here – ideally in energetic balance between the earth and the universe. We need to find ways to stimulate our minds, and have fun at the same time. And we need to look at our spiritual side too, to make life satisfying and meaningful. I can help with this. Why not take a look at some of my guides and other articles on this blog or on my website, such as “Breathing to Balance….”, “How to Feel Great”, “Philosophy & Sensuality”, “Spiritual Coaching”. “Being Lighter than this…” looks at a blend of the mental and physical to optimise performance in any area, including sports, studies, interviews, and public appearances.
I really advocate being creative and sensual in life, as well as developing practical skills, and using our minds as tools. We can use our awareness and intention to notice and enjoy things, as well as to learn new things, all of which enhance how we live.
We can fine-tune ourselves to live optimally, and really get the best out of life. As a Counsellor and Stress Consultant, I can help deal with any emotional issues that might get in the way of finding your balance here, and of becoming comfortable with yourself and with others. And as a Life Coach, I can also help you to plan how best to move forwards with anything you might wish to achieve.
We can look around us at the amazing complexity and diversity of things; how the many eco-systems of the earth work, the intricate details and variety of life, and also how the solar system incredibly allows life to exist here. I hope that you can enjoy a sense of wonder at it all, and share it with your children too. If we can hold onto that sense of child-like wonder in life, and not let it be dulled by work and other pressures, then it stimulates both mental and spiritual curiosity, and boosts your overall enjoyment of life.
Look also at the amazing skills and unique attributes we have, or can develop. Life is chock-full of opportunities to use them, to explore, to learn, and to become more and more of who we can be.
So, I encourage you to think holistically rather than putting too much emphasis on one area, and try to optimise your overall life experience. Loving it all means that you cannot help loving yourself because you are part of it.
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Power of Logic & Affirmations (for Anger Management etc)
Video
Power of Logic & Affirmations to Free us from Destructive Emotional Storms & Reclaim Respect & Control.
What is your relationship like with yourself? Sometimes we let ourselves down, getting sucked into destructive emotional storms, even though we can see this ultimately works against our desired objectives. Storms spew out far too much at once and thus tend to break everything down. If we lose control in this way, we lose the respect of others, and might even lose respect for ourselves.
If we can stand back from our emotions and look at them logically, we can then find ways of training our minds to handle them differently. To start with you can only do this after the event – when you are not in the midst of being caught up in the storm of emotions. Gradually though, you will learn to do it as you begin to feel the emotions rise, or even in the middle of an event, to calm you down again.
It is much more logical to NOT LOSE or GIVE AWAY the power of positive possibility, by not giving in to negative turmoil, so don’t let yourself be overwhelmed! If you do, then you are literally just giving away your power to the other people involved, or losing it to the situation itself.
So, let’s consider these affirmations to help us build up positive power and learn to keep it going for ourselves.
Could you please ensure you are sitting comfortably in a position that allows you to breathe deeply and slowly as you listen
Please try not to put up resistance to the affirmations, they are designed to help you get past blocks, and the more you listen to them the more they will help you.
Please try to listen with your eyes closed so that you are relaxed and focused. They will be read out slowly enough for you to absorb them, like a guided meditation.
If you really feel a resistance to the idea of listening, then please at least read the affirmations through to yourself. I suggest doing this several times over a period of several days, until you do feel ready to listen to them. Being relaxed and just listening will help them get through at a deeper level, when you are ready to be open to this.
THE AFFIRMATIONS
I feel confident in myself as a person, to do what I need to do in life.
I do not let what other people think affect this, however I am willing to learn from valid comments, and let go of all the rest as being irrelevant.
I do not waste my power and energy on worrying about what others think, I merely reconsider my own situation honestly, and move on.
I will not become upset by criticism, or take any of it personally. I am not responsible for other people’s thoughts or needs, only for my own.
I will simply consider if there are any points worth learning from, and let go of anything else.
I do not react in a way that shuts me off from the possibility of learning.
Sometimes I accept that people are going to say things because they believe they should, and I am able to let that go, like water off a ducks back, if I feel it is not valid.
I do not let it anger me, I let it slide off, let it go.
I realize that melodrama can be addictive. It may seem exciting, but it really gets in the way of things. I therefore choose not to waste my time & energy on that, instead of progressing.
It is more important to use my time and energy to move forward with situations.
I do not allow myself to succumb to reactions that get in the way of making the best of things.
I simply breathe to let emotions go, and move on with life.
I accept that people have a right to their opinions, but they do not need to affect me, unless I think they have a valid point for me to consider.
I accept that sometimes they may even wish to help me, and I accept that sometimes this may actually be of benefit, so I don’t allow my emotions to cloud my ability to listen.
I do not allow negative emotions to get in the way of my progress.
Any judgement is gently dismissed – as if blown away on the breeze.
I will not put up resistance, I will simply let it go.
I understand that if I try to resist something it only brings negative power to the situation, when it would be better to move on to something more positive.
I do not give away my energy, and precious time, by indulging in these negatives, but turn instead to directing my energy towards the next steps.
I am focused on making something new and better.
As I breathe out, I take my attention to more positive thoughts.
I begin to see more clearly what I could do next to improve the situation, instead of being caught up in churning it over and over.
I notice the good things around me, and in my life, and smile to myself.
I can even see the good things in people more easily, and the positive potential of situations.
I know that if I can let go of irrelevant stuff and relax, I am much more able to do well.
This applies to all my relationships, as well as to situations – partner, children, friends, and even those I have to do business with.
I am also developing a better relationship with myself.
I know that I can get on well with myself and my life if I let go, rather than let myself get wound up by others.
I realize that letting others wind me up only gives them power over me, so I choose instead to keep my power for myself, and direct it to where I want it to be.
I realize that anger, resentment, and bitterness actually sabotages myself.
So I do not allow myself to shoot myself in the foot, because this is obviously illogical.
I focus on my breath instead, and calm and let go in each moment.
I consider things logically later, when I am in a safe place to do so.
I know that I have the power to be COOL, CALM, and COLLECTED and to not allow others, or situations, to affect my own best ways of managing things.
I breathe in the calmness and let it fill my body right up.
I focus on feeling it coming in with each breath.
I feel powerful and in control.
I know I can find my best way forward whatever the situation.
I trust myself to keep steady.
I allow myself to unwind whenever I need to so that I can then get on with moving forwards.
I realise that animosity and stubbornness can get in my way.
I can see that there is nothing to be achieved from arguing over a point.
It is best for me to consider things later and decide for myself how to best move forward.
I do not waste time and energy on arguing because I know it is much more important to focus that energy on moving forward positively.
I keep my eyes on the positive because this allows the negatives to just slip away.
I do not give my energy away, or allow it become scattered.
I draw on it to help me, and those close to me, to succeed and be happy.
I hold my power gently within the centre of my body.
I can use it for myself and those close to me anytime I want to.
I realise that it is better to be humble and considerate, which lets life flow, than to shout and wrestle, which only puts up resistance to life.
I do not let animosity and stubbornness arise, I simply breathe in to CALM and move on to a more positive focus.
I realize that volatile emotions are usually destructive, and I know that I do not want to destroy relationships or situations, so I breathe out to let any unwanted emotions go.
I want to give things the best chance of working out, so I direct my energy to that, and the positive things I can do.
I always remind myself to let go and calm, so that I can keep focussed.
I breathe to relax so that I can go on as positively as possible.
I CHOOSE the power of logic over the power of destruction.
I choose not to waste my energy on anger, bitterness, and fear of results, but to focus my energy on getting the good things done instead.
I choose not to waste my energy on worry either, as I realize that it is all hypothetical, so I use all the energy to ensure getting the best results.
I focus now and every day on moving things forward positively.
I know that I can do this. I trust myself to do this.
I breathe in the calmness anytime I need it, and I let go of all the negatives, so that I can be the best I can be.
I do not put undue pressure on myself though, I relax wonderfully into being my best self.
I feel power gathering in me when I breathe, filling me up and helping me to progress steadily.
I feel power, like oxygen, in every cell of my body, and smile, or nod.
The smile, or nod, switches on a light in the centre of my body, and in my head.
I feel the light filling me up too, as it flows around my head, and around my body, in my blood.
I feel that I am growing as I become more filled with light and gentle power.
I feel the strength of my self-belief expand in a calm and sure way.
Now I am easily able to let go of stuff I don’t need – anytime I want to.
I trust myself to be calm yet powerful.
Calm, DIGNIFIED power fills me, and lifts me, now, and anytime I need it.
I now understand how to conserve my personal power, as well as how to build it up.
I am now ready to begin to live in each new moment with more and more of this steady power available and able to help me.
I know that I am now able to take more and more control of my future.
I will use these affirmations regularly, because each time I do so, I will take them on at a deeper level, and become more and more able to use them consistently, and even automatically.
I feel confident in myself as a person, to do what I need to do.
By facing up to things instead of obscuring them with emotional storms, I earn more and more respect.
I know now that quiet assertion is a much better way to say what I need to say, than to get sucked into melodrama.
I am now able to focus on the important points, and communicate effectively & efficiently, instead of wasting time and energy going in circles and dragging in unnecessary stuff.
I now command & deserve respect from others, and I also have more respect for myself/
I am steady and focused as I now go about my life.
Now open your eyes and stretch or move around to ensure you are fully awake.
Have a drink of water maybe.
Discuss your impressions if you wish, or simply hold them inside you for your own reference.
Take the power with you at whatever level you are ready to choose, and return to the affirmations anytime you wish to remind yourself about them, or to take them on at deeper levels.
Note if your impressions & responses change each time you do them.
There are many more self-help tools available via our website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
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Does familiarity really breed contempt or do we just get lazy with our communication?
StandardOf course, when you’re getting to know someone you really like, you pay special attention to each other and to what you do together. You go out of your way to please, perhaps you even take time out of other things that you normally do. Then you get to a stage where you feel you know each other pretty well and you start to relax, and catch up with yourself a bit. That’s fine and it works really well a lot of the time, especially if you aren’t living in each other’s pockets. But even then it can sometimes start to appear to the other that you are taking them for granted….. for example if you are paying particular attention to another new friend and expecting your longer term friend to understand that this is just because you are making the effort to be inclusive, rather than meaning to exclude them. You tend to expect them just to know that they are safe in their established role as a friend or partner, and join in accordingly. But they night not feel that confident in certain situations, and you still need to pay enough attention to realise if they need encouragement or reassurance, or they might start to feel as if you are making a special effort for everyone else except them. Children might feel similarly that their mother is being especially nice to other children, and just mean or strict with them. I think we do tend to expect those closest to us to know that they are always the most special to us, but we should realise that they might not always be confident of this, especially if you are suddenly being less attentive than you used to be. When you have been around someone a long time you also tend to act as if you think they should know how you feel about everything, but no matter how much in tune you may be, there is lots of room for misunderstanding, particularly if their awareness is hampered due to them being tired or unwell, or preoccupied with an issue or task, or if you simply didn’t explain things properly. Quite often you may well be in tune enough to know what the other is feeling, or thinking, or talking about, but we should not take this for granted and get frustrated with them if we have not been clear enough about what we mean. It can only take a very small lapse in communication to create a huge misunderstanding – for example if your wife is talking about one thing and you start talking about another thing without specifying what, she may well assume you are discussing her topic and not realise that a new one has been introduced. Then later you might be surprised to find that she is adamant that you said something you know you didn’t, or that she did not respond to something you thought you’d specifically mentioned. Things can easily be misheard too, in the noise of offloading a van for example, she might have asked you “Should we leave these?” and you replied “Yes” because you thought she asked “Do we need these?” only to find that she has now left them behind. Try not to be too annoyed, just try next time to be more specific…. For example she could have said “Should we leave the box and the tape in the van?” or you could have said “Yes, I want everything upstairs, then at least she would have realised that you had misheard her first question. When we are busy, too often we are doing things at the same time as talking, so you can’t always hear if someone is walking away from you for example. It is useful to stop and do a checklist with each other at some point – “have we got everything now?” for example – and go through the list. Try to leave time for such checks as they often save a lot of time and/or trouble in the long run. Couples obviously tend to be around each other quite a lot, and even though you have chosen this situation, it can certainly be quite challenging to remain amicable. Humour helps, but it has to be real humour for both parties, the kind of stuff that lets things wash off, not a humour that masks bitterness or pain, as can sometimes be the case. You do need breaks from each other, time with other friends, time to pursue personal interests, and lots of trust to allow each other the freedom to do their own thing. Ideally you want to support the other in doing what they want to do, in being themselves, but that doesn’t necessarily mean tagging along! Often people try to cling or control, or just butt in when perhaps they shouldn’t. Something else to watch out for here, is that things should work both ways, each should be given roughly equal support and leeway. A girl shouldn’t expect to go off with her mates and then complain when it is her fellow’s turn. A wife shouldn’t end up feeling that she gives way more support to her husband than she gets in return, or that he sees her as providing a certain role. If things do get out of balance we need to remind ourselves that we are responsible for making our own choices, so if we don’t speak up about it then we can’t complain if things don’t change…. We need to take the initiative to discuss it and ask for more help for example, or say that you will be doing less as you need the time to get on with some of your own stuff, for example, or that you need more rest. Everyone has a right to ask for consideration. I am not saying we all have to do things equally, obviously it often makes sense for one to do more of what one is best at, or to do more of one thing for example so that the other can get on with something they have a special skill for – it’s like a trade off – if I do the cooking and the dishes, you do the DIY. If one is earning more income from going out to work then it makes sense for the other to do more at home, and it may swing the other way next time. One person’s career should not be seen to be more important than the other’s unless you both agree that this is the case, each should be allowed the time to devote to this, and anything in your life that helps create a sense of personal fulfilment. Sometimes we might agree that one has priority for example if they earn a lot more for their time, but careers are not just about money, they are also about self worth and validation, and helping other out too, so this all needs to be taken into account. Obviously finances can be a tricky area – but if we are working as a team, then it is a team effort really too, so if the man earns a lot more perhaps he will agree that it makes sense for him to cover more of the costs, but that she will do more of the home chores for example – or if we are both earning then when we go out we should each pay a share. A woman should not just expect the bloke to pay! Fights for rights have been no bad thing but sometimes they have pushed us too far the other way, or confused us a bit – women who tend to want to be everything can end up stressing themselves out trying to prove that they can, when often it is better to make some logical choices. These are all things we need to discuss in detail with our partners as we all have our personal views and needs. It is not a woman’s fault if society still tends to deem that she earn less.
| By the way, I think that it is good to involve children to some degree in discussions that involve who does what or how the bills get paid. I don’t think we need go into a lot of detail, but I don’t think we should shield them from reality – or they will get a fright later on when they are suddenly faced with everything at once. I also think that is much better for them to understand how decisions are made, otherwise they might make dreadful assumptions – for example thinking that one parent is treated badly by the other when that isn’t actually the case as you have agreed to do things a certain way for certain reasons that seem good and obvious to you, but that they might never have thought of. They might think that a parent is a failure because they left a job for example if it isn’t explained that this was a choice that was made on purpose and why. They might think that one parent is ‘bad’ and the other ‘good’ simply because they know about some things and not about others. Later when they find out that there was actually more of a balance than they thought, they can then end up feeling guilty for having judged in the first place – even though they could not have known any better. Hopefully we learn to let things go as we mature – there just isn’t anything good about holding onto resentment or guilt. Hopefully our young people will eventually realise that being parents is a huge learning curve! |
Couples should ideally be friends as well as partners, and so have the potential to make a very good team, or functional unit – and so focus on communicating properly with each other from this point of view as well as on the more personal and intimate levels. Relationships based just on physical attraction can be pretty emotionally explosive, but then so can any relationship if we let things slip. Good communication is essential really, otherwise how can you work anything out together? I think no matter how good we might think we are at getting along, we always need to be careful, keep reviewing things, make sure we are treating each other with fairness, respect, and kindness. Sometimes it’s a good thing to remind ourselves when we feel tempted to criticize, that we also do silly things. “Do not judge lest ye be judged” is always a good quote to bear in mind. Couples and friends need to be tolerant of each other – not expect too much – we are all human, with human foibles, idiosyncrasies, and imperfections. We all get tired and tetchy sometimes, or forgetful, or locked into something we are focused on. Don’t expect your partner or friend to always be attentive and tuned into your needs, take the responsibility to stand up for yourself if you think there is something they are forgetting, but try to do it at an appropriate time, when they are likely to be able to listen properly. There is no need to be upset or take it personally, just remind them, or just do what needs doing if they are really too busy, and hope that they do the same for you when you forget something. There is nothing even to forgive, we are all innocent, bumbling along, having a try at life and love, and mistakes are bound to be made. [Obviously this is very different from someone deliberately deceiving – all we need is to be honest with each other, and love will keep us wanting to go on trying.] Yes, when you are really close up to someone you tend to notice all their ‘faults’ – but are they really faults? We all have them – they are just the way we are – yes we can all learn to improve our ways, but we are all on the way all the time, we never become perfect, except in the sense of being perfectly human, warts and all. Other mis-communications are omitting to explain something, for example, “I can’t do that job yet because I need the builder to finish the trimming before I can know the right measurements” will stop her wondering why he won’t get on with it. However, she also needs to remember that she shouldn’t expect him to get on with it, as he is bound to have his reasons. We also shouldn’t expect people to do things perfectly – they will simply do as they can. No one can do everything perfectly, and sometimes they may not be feeling well, or might be in a rush to get on to something else. Our priorities are different, so it can be good to explain for example “I’m going to have to make the dinner a bit later as I really need to finish this first”, or we could ask “Would you mind making dinner tonight as I’m really busy with……” and not just expect them to work it out for themselves. There is no good reason to start feeling contempt and disrespect for our nearest and dearest – if you love them, just accept them for who they are, and hope that they do the same for you. Try to accentuate the positive, giving praise as often as you can. We are all like children really, responding well if we are praised, and inclined to give up if we are knocked down too much. Be nice to each other, nurture what you have, appreciate it. Don’t be lazy, don’t let it drift, as that is when you do get into trouble. Keep being clear about the specialness, or risk losing it. Keep being clear about how you communicate and express how you feel, so that you can keep on working things out together. If you get lazy about communication this can start to cause huge problems and a build up of resentment. Don’t sit back and let poisons seep in, keep on top of things. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself when needed. Be true to yourself and step up to the mark for the good of the team. Love and trust and mutual respect are the gifts we have – don’t chuck them away, make the effort to keep things going as well as they possibly can.
Other Communication Points:
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So, if we pay attention to our communication, hopefully contempt will not arise, and we will be able to enjoy our familiar relationships as a continual blessing instead. It can be a good idea to regularly do a little reality check to remind ourselves of this.
by Julia Woodman
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Safe Cave Meditation for Relaxation, Renewal, and Confidence
Video
this was written on request for a client
Safe Cave Meditation for Relaxation, Renewal & Confidence – THE SCRIPT (includes some extra tips at the end)
You know there is a cave somewhere
in your imagination – that you can go to
if you want PEACE & QUIET.
I want you to take yourself there now
and just wander around checking it out
before you sit down in the best spot.
You feel SAFE in your cave, and secure.
It’s a place where you can be CALM
and RELAX, and LET GO of worries.
It’s a place where you can REST
and RE-CHARGE before carrying on.
It’s a place you can ride out ANY storm.
So settle down and make sure
you are comfortable & warm.
Now take some LONG SLOW BREATHS
and count them as you let go of worries – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 –
As you count you RELAX more & more – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 –
Count until you feel sleepy – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12.
RELAX & RELEASE ALL YOUR THOUGHTS –
If any thoughts do arise, just set them aside –
let them wash away in the stream
that is gurgling gently nearby.
LET ANY TENSIONS GO TOO –
wash, washing away in the stream.
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Now FEEL SOFT LIGHTS in your cave –
Maybe fairy candles or glow worms – to SOOTHE you.
They have come to help you RE-CHARGE.
So now focus on RENEWING YOURSELF.
Feel their light COMFORTING you
and gently giving you NEW ENERGY.
With every BREATH, feel more LIGHT
steadily coming INTO your body.
BREATHE IT IN and feel it in your chest & abdomen –
in ALL parts of your body, your head, and your limbs.
Now feel it warming your heart
with the YELLOW LIGHT OF CONFIDENCE.
Also now you feel an ORANGE GLOW
in the lower parts of your body,
which gives you a sense of STRENGTH.
Feel that VITALITY spread –
and join with the yellow confident light
and RISE OUT TO SURROUND YOU.
You now have A BUBBLE PROTECTING YOU,
which you can take out into the world
and use anytime to BOOST yourself.
Use it for difficult situations
to keep you STEADY in yourself.
TRUST yourself to REMEMBER this.
Now just focus on your breathing
as you FEEL THAT ENERGY IN & AROUND YOU.
Give thanks for this, and everything else you have to be grateful for.
Then count again, backwards to retunr – 12 – 11 – 10 – and on
to – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – breathing more lightly now – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 –
and feel yourself ready to stretch, and rise up.
Move about a bit, rub hands on thighs etc – if you need to ensure you come back fully to the present moment. If you go deep into a meditation, it can take a few moments to be properly present afterwards. Having a drink of water helps too.
After a bit of practice with your imagination, you should be able to imagine that bubble around you at any moment you might need it. After a bit more time, it can even happen automatically, so you will then never feel quite so vulnerable again.
If you want to, you could even ask the fairies or glow worms to make you wings, and feel what it is like to wear them, and imagine what you could do with them. You can then imagine you have them any time you want to rise above a situation.
You can use just the first part of this meditation to help you fall asleep if you have difficulty with this. You could use the second half to help you wake up in the morning too if you wish.
If you have difficulties with communication, or need to prepare for a public performance, you could also add in a bit where the lovely pale blue of the stream water rinses your throat, washing away fear of speaking, and letting you feel what it is like to be clear, and concise, with what you want to say, so that you can use this experience in real life too.
There is a saying in LIFE COACHING that if you ACT AS IF something is true (pretend you are, for example, cool, calm, and collected), then it is like having the real experience of being that, so it becomes easier for you to learn that skill. (This can even apply to falling asleep – if you have trouble with this, then act as if you are pretending to someone else that you are asleep, like children sometimes do with parents, then before you know it, it may actually be so.)
Another way to boost confidence is to say “I can do it, I can do it, I can do this!” to the rhythm of your steps when walking, or hand claps, like a chant or mantra. Children could have fun with that part of it too, or might like to make up their own. So might you.
julia@radiance-solutions.co.uk can help you create your own meditations, visualisations, affirmations, or other personal and spiritual development tools.
There are also a lot of tools already available via http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
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Total Well-being 