New Create Health blog in progress here – which I hope you will follow please!
Tag Archives: positive
Dear Vibrant UniverseStandard
Dear Vibrant Universe,
please untie all the knots within me –
I surrender them to your graceful infinity.
Please bathe me in your living light
to cleanse me of all dis-ease.
Please assist me to keep balanced,
and to reach my optimum state of being
right here, right now, in this lifetime,
so that I might fulfill my chosen destiny.
Thanks, love, peace, blessings everywhere.
No matter what the age – praising good behaviour is always betterStandard
No matter what the age – praising good behaviour is always better than punishing bad.
Even a small baby can manipulate – they have to – it is their survival mechanism – all they can do is cry for attention. If they feel insecure, for example if dad has been away for a period, then they may cry any time mum tries to leave the room. It is very hard to always take them with you, or always answer their call immediately, but they do get used to things gradually. Just try to be very reassuring when you do go to them. Be warm and cuddly with them, sing to them, and talk to them to explain – even when they can’t understand your words, then can understand your reassuring tone.
Exactly the same applies to old people or sick people dependent on your support – they feel helpless, as well as unwell, so they are bound to be cranky if they don’t get their share of attention. Give them a bell or something so that they can be sure you can hear them when they really do need you, and spend time with them whenever you can, just reading with them, chatting, playing games etc, so that they do feel you are there for them and don’t feel them to be too much of a burden. Try to show your love, talk about all the good times.
Also when working with disabled and / or mental health patients, they feel helpless, frustrated, and sidelined, so try to spend quality time with them – again reading, chatting, playing games, and singing. You might even really do a star chart for them if they can manage to shower for example without scratching or hitting, and reward them with more attention when they are doing well, although you still have to encourage and reassure them when they are struggling of course. Singing and counting can really help them achieve tasks too.
Similar things apply to your older children, especially when they are developing their own identity more….. praise them for courage in trying new things, even if the experience is not so good, they learn from it. Give them some slack, a bit of freedom, to explore their lives, relationships, and options.
So with your partners too, they will respond better when you show your appreciation for the good little things, the lovely things, the thoughtfulness and nice gestures – than if you only complain about the bad things. When you have a young family, it is hard to find time for each other, but even a few moments of tenderness here and there help. You don’t have to spend huge amounts of money and time trying to keep things alive, sometimes the little things count even more.
Remember to notice yourself, when you do good things. Don’t get all full of ego, but do acknowledge that you have managed something well. It helps your self esteem, and also your learning, as you will realise where skills are developing, but also where you could learn even more. Perhaps you will even uncover a hidden talent and start a new hobby or business.
Trying to control anybody else through punishment, manipulative behaviour, anger etc, just never works out well. If you give freedom and trust, and praise the positive, this leads to much more joy. Never forget to show by example – so express your own joy, sense of fun, and your love. Share your interests and feelings, and listen to others when they wish to do the same. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, for it is when you are truly being yourself that the right people are attracted to you, and the ones you already have around you stand with you.
Some Coping Strategies & Support Ideas for Mums with Young ChildrenStandard
Effective Strategies to help you Cope if things have got Tough, and also
to help you re-engage Joyfully with life and make Practical Plans for further
Goals. This is especially slanted to suit mums, but is helpful for anybody.
by Julia Woodman – Life Coach, Counsellor, Stress Consultant, and Writer
How about keeping a special book to write down lists, notes, responses and observations as
you go along. This is a special record of things you will want to know where to find and refer
back to easily from time to time.
If you are setting out on this journey with young children, then use a large scrapbook for them
as well. Encourage them to explore the world around them and draw and stick things into their
scrapbook as they go.
Make the best of what you have. List all the good things about and around you, and focus
on appreciating them by referring to your list every day. This should include :
• Things about yourself (assets, skills, attributes – for example, you might have child care skills,
be a good cook, a loyal partner, have beautiful hair, strong arms, be friendly, have a great sense
of humour, good health, good home, job that fits around family so that you can be there for them,
considerate, helpful, creative)
• Things about your friends and family etc – listing each person separately is probably best
(very similar to above, including things like: loving partner you can communicate well
with, great children, sensible teenager, friends you can chat at ease with, parent you can
ask for help, practical brother, understanding boss, etc.)
• Things about your surroundings ( beautiful hills and valleys you can walk in, rivers to fish
or swim in, amazing flowers or butterflies you can look at or smell or draw or photograph,
places to go out and listen to music and dance, gym, martial arts or yoga etc classes,
seaside for watersports, swimming pool, good school, other kids that your kids can
spend time with, good weather for growing your crops or veg etc, access to good health
support, libraries, college, jobs, etc.)
You can also refer back to this list to make sure you remember to make use of
the good stuff – for example, keep a diary perhaps to just take note of inspiring
things at any time, and to draw in or write poems in about the beautiful things
in any wild spaces you visit.
You might like to cook a special meal for your partner or family or even just for yourself,
find ways to ensure that you keep up with your friends (even if just via the internet if they
are far away), find fun ways to keep fit, set aside time for good movies or comedy shows
or music events, access resources and knowledge available, play games with your friends
and family, etc. Remember to give praise to partners and children when you can.
When taking walks or going on trips with your children it is great to point out how things
work along the way, and show them the beautiful details in nature, encourage them to
draw or write about it, or stick things in their scrapbooks, such as leaflets about where
you have been. You could help them draw a flower or leaf, and then press it between the
pages of a heavy book in greaseproof paper (which keeps it more vibrant than tissue paper).
Then later on when it has dried you can compare it to the drawing, maybe even
stick it into the scrapbook next to the drawing.
“Beauty is alive in every moment, riding the breath of life
Young children can understand a lot more than we tend to think, and it is crucial to keep
their curiosity, sense of wonder, and thirst for knowledge alive. You too can enjoy their
delight if you help them for example by using illustrated information books. It is
wonderful if you can put on a little act and exclaim with delight or awe at some of the
Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or
friends. Be prepared to ensure that you have your fair say in a respectful way. Again, it
is good to write things down in preparation so that you are clear about what the most
important one or two things you want to discuss are, and don’t muddy the waters with all
sorts of vague bits and pieces. I do have more detailed articles and videos about
communication available via my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Let go of small things that niggle at you by concentrating on being grateful for the good
things. What does the other stuff matter by comparison? We all know that no one is
perfect, so let’s stop expecting them to be. If you give praise for the good stuff it will
make everybody (including yourself) feel more willing to try to be their best.
List the knowledge and skills that you already have, and appreciate those too.
These are the building blocks of your life. No thing is too small, so put them all down.
If you are lacking in confidence then use affirmations to help build this up.
There are also some of these available via my website.
You can also learn to write your own – they must always be written in the present tense.
A wonderful affirmation that helps balance your mind, body, and spirit because it aligns
you with the earth and the universe (both of which crucially allow and support life) is to
simply say “I love, and I am loved”. You need to be comfortable, take a few deep
breaths to relax and focus, and then say this aloud and feel that it is true. Your
relationship with the universe and with the earth is fundamental to who you are. Be at
ease with yourself, and let the energy flow up and down your spine as you stand upon the
earth, holding your head steady, repeating this until you know that it is true.
When we are balanced, it is easy for others to love us, because we hold a steadiness in
our hearts and do not react to trivial things. You are regaining your connection with the
deep self and the real world beneath all the crazy stuff and meaningless rules we have
piled on it. Breathe deeply and feel yourself to be more free.
As you progress through all these ideas here and in some of my other materials, you will
find that your confidence increases quite naturally. You have to know that you are
worth it. Everyone has an equal right to live their lives as they choose because each one
of us is a vital part of the overall diversity of life and consciousness. You are a unique
human being come to experience life on this planet so you should aim to learn from
everything, even what we would normally term as negative because the most challenging
things usually have the most potential to teach us stuff. Even illness can be viewed as the
body trying to show us that it needs attention, so once you start listening to that and doing
something about it, you are taking the positive steps you need to. It is your life, and you
have the power to choose to make it good for you. You should not be afraid to follow your
heart and fulfil your dreams, don’t listen to people who tell you otherwise, or to any
niggling doubts in your ego mind.
Our minds can be used as tools to help us help ourselves, instead of allowing
ourselves to be subjected to some of the silly thoughts, fears, and worries that tend to go
round in our heads if we let them. Stop listening to that sort of negative stuff and focus on
the positive. Think about it – worry is a total waste of energy because it does not achieve
anything productive. All it does is show us that perhaps we need to take care to prepare
for whatever it is we are worrying about or fearing, so that we can face it instead of letting
it knock us down. Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real – usually if we just
get on and do what we are afraid of, then we find it is all fine after all – so we need to learn
to stop our minds getting in the way, and use them instead to help us move forwards.
By making these lists of all the good stuff, we can then remind ourselves of things to
inspire and motivate us. We can say “AHHHH YES I CAN DO THIS. Look – I already
have some of the skills, and I can learn the rest, and find out what I need to know and do
to be successful.” You can learn to follow your heart to be who you truly want to be.
If you feel stressed or depressed, then look for my articles that can help with such
issues, which are again available on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
There is a full Stress Busting guide available too. Don’t let these things steal your power,
learn how to deal with them! I also have some simple visualizations to help you relax, but
meditation is even more powerful, so if you are prepared to put in the work, go for my
full meditation guide, and you should be well rewarded for your efforts. Meditation takes
you into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power.
Promise yourself that you are going to stop beating yourself up about anything –
you are doing the best you can for the moment, and as you find out how best to move forward,
you will continue to be doing the best that you can in each moment. Of course, as you
learn and plan and achieve, that best will be better than it was before, and you can
congratulate yourself for every step that you take. Meantime just do not expect too much
from yourself, we can only do what we can, given the tools we have in each moment.
Don’t judge yourself (or others) – each moment is only one step on our journey. Even
if you take a step backwards, don’t waste time and energy on berating yourself for that, just
get back on the track.
Everyone needs a bit of space to themselves once in a while, so ensure that you
do get this, and don’t let anyone else make you feel that you can’t take it – we need to rest
and renew ourselves, recharge our energy. We all have different ways of doing this, so
plan for it as part of your life, just don’t overdo it – there is a big difference between taking
time out now and again to do something inspiring, and withdrawing or retreating from
things. It should be time to do something positive for yourself….. yes if you need to sleep,
then sleep, but ideally you could meditate or read or write or draw or play music, go for a
walk, visit a friend, or do anything you love.
Meditation is fantastic for regaining and strengthening our deeper sense of self.
It can also be used as a tool to train our minds to do what we want instead of getting in our way.
Plan lists of anything else you want to learn or achieve – You can come back to this
later, it is just to get your thoughts clear for now Don’t just think about work, think about
hobbies, enjoyment etc too, anything that might help you (and your partners, and
children, if you have them) have more fun. Obviously sometimes you may need to do
things on your own, but this can be planned for – if you really want to do it, make sure
you put it on your list, don’t leave anything off or limit yourself just because your logical
mind says it isn’t practical!
Writing all these things down helps to give them more potential. If you faithfully
make your lists as suggested, then you will find it useful to refer back to them to remind
yourself of your thoughts and renew your positive motivation. Another main factor about
writing all these things down is that it clarifies your intentions, which helps you focus on
what you want. If our minds are less muddled then we are simply much more likely to
follow what we have set down, so this focus removes the muddle and sets you on track.
We can go a stage further and use life coaching charts to actually make step by step
plans of how we are going to get from point A to B. These are different from the
lists above, because these exercises here are looking at your whole life really, whereas in
life coaching plans you need to focus on one or two specific areas – for example how to get
to do what you want at college, how to plan to move country, how to give up a bad habit,
how to save or pay off debts, how to get fit or lose weight, how to basically achieve any
goal we choose to.
We make the steps along the way realistic and achievable alongside time frames that
again are realistic and achievable. We also add in details like who is going to help or
support you where help is needed, for example you may need a child-minder so that you
can attend college, or you might just need to be able to phone someone up for moral
support if you are feeling tired and demoralised. Or you might just be able to refer back
to your book where you have written your list of reasons for doing this in the first place
to regain your sense of motivation. In any case, your plan will also include rewards for
achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation. We need to bear in mind
that any cycle of change is bound to have slight setbacks once in a while as it is normal to
feel very motivated to start with then run out of steam a bit if things get tough, but the
thing is just to get back on up and on with it again as soon as you are ready, and not waste
time and energy regretting the setback. If we are prepared well enough, then we will
have the support in place to help us get back on track. I have life coaching charts
available on www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm so that you can use them
yourself if you wish to.
If you want to find something to do and you are not sure what that is yet, then I do also
have a system included in my Life Coaching packages to help you tap your
subconscious to identify what you most want. This might help mums returning to
work or mothers whose children have left home, for example, to decide what sort of a career
or business they might want to go for, or define what hobbies or college course might suit
someone. Again, this is on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm
I also love to help Young People and have specific materials available about communication
with them, and helping them to make the transition into adulthood.
I have other guides such as ‘Confirming your Joy’, as well as the Meditation and Stress Busting
ones, all available via www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm There are ones
related to Creativity, and Spirituality, and Evolving Consciousness as well.
Creativity is not just about the generally recognised arts, it includes all sorts of
things, like cooking, sewing, woodwork, gardening, flower arranging, decorating, you name it,
we all have some creativity in us. Creativity is also often an outcome of curiosity, which
children usually have in abundance, so looking at things around you can naturally lead on to
creating something in relation to that.
Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life. Both of those
help add to your sense of confidence and satisfaction because you are interacting more
with the world around you through your creativity, which also involves a deep level of
noticing details. So I always advocate that people watch other people, animals, plants,
anything at all, and really note the finer details of behaviour, natural beauty, and the
amazing diversity of life, the interaction between things, and also how things function so
incredibly well – including our own bodies. It is equally inspiring to know that even if
we may not function that well all the time, we can always do something about helping
ourselves return to our optimum state.
More details of the HELPFUL LIFE COACHING TOOLS
available hereThere are some specific pointers in there that will be helpful to Mums returning to
work, plus an example form called “Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having
Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing”.Life Coaching Pack of All 3 Achievable Goal Planning Sections
How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS £6.50
(which gives a saving of 50p on buying them separately as detailed below).
[The sections are also available separately so that people who don’t need the “help to
decide” section can save by just buying the other two. And sometimes people just want
the “help to decide” section and then take it from there themselves because they might
already know about life coaching, but that is a unique extra developed by me. Or people
might just want to use my forms and look at my examples, although I do obviously
recommend looking at the 2nd section too, as there is so much useful information in it.]
Life Coaching 1 How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do £1.50Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you
begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort.
For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career
(or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you
are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc).
We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure
what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
Life Coaching 2 HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan.
Life Coaching 3 Goal Setting FORMS £3
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on,
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight and getting fit alongside study
I really hope that this has been helpful, and that anyone interested in planning to achieve
goals will take the next step and get the life coaching packs, but please do also feel
free to phone or email with any questions, or if you would like further support.
Whatever choices you make
Power of Logic & Affirmations (for Anger Management etc)Video
Power of Logic & Affirmations to Free us from Destructive Emotional Storms & Reclaim Respect & Control.
What is your relationship like with yourself? Sometimes we let ourselves down, getting sucked into destructive emotional storms, even though we can see this ultimately works against our desired objectives. Storms spew out far too much at once and thus tend to break everything down. If we lose control in this way, we lose the respect of others, and might even lose respect for ourselves.
If we can stand back from our emotions and look at them logically, we can then find ways of training our minds to handle them differently. To start with you can only do this after the event – when you are not in the midst of being caught up in the storm of emotions. Gradually though, you will learn to do it as you begin to feel the emotions rise, or even in the middle of an event, to calm you down again.
It is much more logical to NOT LOSE or GIVE AWAY the power of positive possibility, by not giving in to negative turmoil, so don’t let yourself be overwhelmed! If you do, then you are literally just giving away your power to the other people involved, or losing it to the situation itself.
So, let’s consider these affirmations to help us build up positive power and learn to keep it going for ourselves.
Could you please ensure you are sitting comfortably in a position that allows you to breathe deeply and slowly as you listen
Please try not to put up resistance to the affirmations, they are designed to help you get past blocks, and the more you listen to them the more they will help you.
Please try to listen with your eyes closed so that you are relaxed and focused. They will be read out slowly enough for you to absorb them, like a guided meditation.
If you really feel a resistance to the idea of listening, then please at least read the affirmations through to yourself. I suggest doing this several times over a period of several days, until you do feel ready to listen to them. Being relaxed and just listening will help them get through at a deeper level, when you are ready to be open to this.
I feel confident in myself as a person, to do what I need to do in life.
I do not let what other people think affect this, however I am willing to learn from valid comments, and let go of all the rest as being irrelevant.
I do not waste my power and energy on worrying about what others think, I merely reconsider my own situation honestly, and move on.
I will not become upset by criticism, or take any of it personally. I am not responsible for other people’s thoughts or needs, only for my own.
I will simply consider if there are any points worth learning from, and let go of anything else.
I do not react in a way that shuts me off from the possibility of learning.
Sometimes I accept that people are going to say things because they believe they should, and I am able to let that go, like water off a ducks back, if I feel it is not valid.
I do not let it anger me, I let it slide off, let it go.
I realize that melodrama can be addictive. It may seem exciting, but it really gets in the way of things. I therefore choose not to waste my time & energy on that, instead of progressing.
It is more important to use my time and energy to move forward with situations.
I do not allow myself to succumb to reactions that get in the way of making the best of things.
I simply breathe to let emotions go, and move on with life.
I accept that people have a right to their opinions, but they do not need to affect me, unless I think they have a valid point for me to consider.
I accept that sometimes they may even wish to help me, and I accept that sometimes this may actually be of benefit, so I don’t allow my emotions to cloud my ability to listen.
I do not allow negative emotions to get in the way of my progress.
Any judgement is gently dismissed – as if blown away on the breeze.
I will not put up resistance, I will simply let it go.
I understand that if I try to resist something it only brings negative power to the situation, when it would be better to move on to something more positive.
I do not give away my energy, and precious time, by indulging in these negatives, but turn instead to directing my energy towards the next steps.
I am focused on making something new and better.
As I breathe out, I take my attention to more positive thoughts.
I begin to see more clearly what I could do next to improve the situation, instead of being caught up in churning it over and over.
I notice the good things around me, and in my life, and smile to myself.
I can even see the good things in people more easily, and the positive potential of situations.
I know that if I can let go of irrelevant stuff and relax, I am much more able to do well.
This applies to all my relationships, as well as to situations – partner, children, friends, and even those I have to do business with.
I am also developing a better relationship with myself.
I know that I can get on well with myself and my life if I let go, rather than let myself get wound up by others.
I realize that letting others wind me up only gives them power over me, so I choose instead to keep my power for myself, and direct it to where I want it to be.
I realize that anger, resentment, and bitterness actually sabotages myself.
So I do not allow myself to shoot myself in the foot, because this is obviously illogical.
I focus on my breath instead, and calm and let go in each moment.
I consider things logically later, when I am in a safe place to do so.
I know that I have the power to be COOL, CALM, and COLLECTED and to not allow others, or situations, to affect my own best ways of managing things.
I breathe in the calmness and let it fill my body right up.
I focus on feeling it coming in with each breath.
I feel powerful and in control.
I know I can find my best way forward whatever the situation.
I trust myself to keep steady.
I allow myself to unwind whenever I need to so that I can then get on with moving forwards.
I realise that animosity and stubbornness can get in my way.
I can see that there is nothing to be achieved from arguing over a point.
It is best for me to consider things later and decide for myself how to best move forward.
I do not waste time and energy on arguing because I know it is much more important to focus that energy on moving forward positively.
I keep my eyes on the positive because this allows the negatives to just slip away.
I do not give my energy away, or allow it become scattered.
I draw on it to help me, and those close to me, to succeed and be happy.
I hold my power gently within the centre of my body.
I can use it for myself and those close to me anytime I want to.
I realise that it is better to be humble and considerate, which lets life flow, than to shout and wrestle, which only puts up resistance to life.
I do not let animosity and stubbornness arise, I simply breathe in to CALM and move on to a more positive focus.
I realize that volatile emotions are usually destructive, and I know that I do not want to destroy relationships or situations, so I breathe out to let any unwanted emotions go.
I want to give things the best chance of working out, so I direct my energy to that, and the positive things I can do.
I always remind myself to let go and calm, so that I can keep focussed.
I breathe to relax so that I can go on as positively as possible.
I CHOOSE the power of logic over the power of destruction.
I choose not to waste my energy on anger, bitterness, and fear of results, but to focus my energy on getting the good things done instead.
I choose not to waste my energy on worry either, as I realize that it is all hypothetical, so I use all the energy to ensure getting the best results.
I focus now and every day on moving things forward positively.
I know that I can do this. I trust myself to do this.
I breathe in the calmness anytime I need it, and I let go of all the negatives, so that I can be the best I can be.
I do not put undue pressure on myself though, I relax wonderfully into being my best self.
I feel power gathering in me when I breathe, filling me up and helping me to progress steadily.
I feel power, like oxygen, in every cell of my body, and smile, or nod.
The smile, or nod, switches on a light in the centre of my body, and in my head.
I feel the light filling me up too, as it flows around my head, and around my body, in my blood.
I feel that I am growing as I become more filled with light and gentle power.
I feel the strength of my self-belief expand in a calm and sure way.
Now I am easily able to let go of stuff I don’t need – anytime I want to.
I trust myself to be calm yet powerful.
Calm, DIGNIFIED power fills me, and lifts me, now, and anytime I need it.
I now understand how to conserve my personal power, as well as how to build it up.
I am now ready to begin to live in each new moment with more and more of this steady power available and able to help me.
I know that I am now able to take more and more control of my future.
I will use these affirmations regularly, because each time I do so, I will take them on at a deeper level, and become more and more able to use them consistently, and even automatically.
I feel confident in myself as a person, to do what I need to do.
By facing up to things instead of obscuring them with emotional storms, I earn more and more respect.
I know now that quiet assertion is a much better way to say what I need to say, than to get sucked into melodrama.
I am now able to focus on the important points, and communicate effectively & efficiently, instead of wasting time and energy going in circles and dragging in unnecessary stuff.
I now command & deserve respect from others, and I also have more respect for myself/
I am steady and focused as I now go about my life.
Now open your eyes and stretch or move around to ensure you are fully awake.
Have a drink of water maybe.
Discuss your impressions if you wish, or simply hold them inside you for your own reference.
Take the power with you at whatever level you are ready to choose, and return to the affirmations anytime you wish to remind yourself about them, or to take them on at deeper levels.
Note if your impressions & responses change each time you do them.
There are many more self-help tools available via our website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Intention II – Positive Mind and Body TalkStandard
If you have a major op =then yes you have a tough time and it’s fine to talk honestly about it and expect people to be sympathetic and make allowances for you – for example you won’t be able to do a lot of physical work for a while, and you will need time to rest and recuperate.
However, after a bit you need to move on to a new reality. You can’t expect your body to heal itself properly if your thoughts remain stuck in the past reality – the pain and the trauma.
Our bodies are very good at repairing themselves, even after a major operation, especially if we give them a little help. “My body is amazingly good at healing itself” – say that now to yourself, and to your friends, instead of dwelling on the previous reality – the reality now is that yes, you had an op in the past, but your body is healing itself and you are recovering.
If you don’t do this, not only might your friends start getting a bit impatient with you – your own body will be confused. It’s as if the individual cells and the organs are not sure whether they are supposed to be carrying out repairs or not, because you are giving them mixed messages. You need to focus your intention on getting better, and your body will go along with it.
It’s the same when you want to move forward with your life in other ways – you need to send out clear messages about what your intentions are – and things happen more easily. If you are confused in your thoughts then how can you expect to get things going smoothly? It can be very useful to make out plans with logical steps to take as well. Life Coaching can really help you with this if you are not sure how to go ahead. It is so much better to choose to do things because you have devised a plan for moving towards a goal, than it is to do things out of fear – to avoid consequences.
So, if you are struggling to fall asleep at night for example, you can also set your intentions to help you out here. Instead of focusing on things you fear, like bad dreams, you can actually say to yourself – “I intend to have a good night’s sleep tonight and get some proper rest”. You can also add “It is my intention to only wake up at 9 am”, for example, instead of worrying about waking up during the night.
If you are using a crutch like alcohol or sleeping pills, then don’t worry about that either – take control of the plan by saying to yourself “I am using this as a tool for the moment, but it is my intention to move past that. I am learning about other tools I can use instead, such as positive thinking, and meditation to help relax me”, for example.
There are many different types of meditation, and ways we can use this wonderful tool – so there is something to suit everybody.
You can simply use deep breaths to help relax your body and then visualise yourself in a beautiful place of your choice, and notice all the wonderful things around you. This has the added advantage of keeping your mind too busy to start thinking of negative things, or going in useless circles trying to solve some issue.
Letting our monkey minds run away with us uses up energy and achieves nothing, so meditation is great for stilling this wheel spinning type activity and de-stressing. If such thinking keeps returning, then just imagine setting the thoughts aside on a shelf next to you and go back to your beautiful visualisation.
My favourite sort of visualisations are to imagine myself in some place in nature, where I can explore the details using all my senses to bring it alive, what can I see, feel, hear, smell, and sometimes even taste. But you can imagine yourself anywhere you like, out or playing games with friends, or having a family meal, for example is fine too.
Some people like to focus on just the breath, or on a single object such as a flower or a flame, in order to still their minds, but the visualisation is easier to use in that it does help deflect other thoughts. It takes much more practice to just be able to still the mind at will without using distracting tactics.
It depends how good you are at visualising as to what methods you might choose, so just experiment and find out what suits you.
You can also relax your body by focusing on it bit by bit and telling it to relax – your scalp, your face, your eyes, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, and so on. Some people like to clench the muscles then relax them, but I prefer to just relax them. You can repeat the same area several times if you feel there is more to relax there. Or you can say, “Can I relax this any more?” “Can this area feel any lighter than this?”
Another alternative is to do a few exercises before meditating, just stretching or sort of warm up or loosening up exercises, not a huge big deal – it gets your system flowing before the meditation.
You don’t have to be physically still in your visualisation to relax. Although you may be sitting still imagining it – you could be visualising yourself chatting and laughing or dancing or running about, as long as you are enjoying yourself and not wound up about anything. In fact, there are even such things as active meditations where instead of sitting still to meditate, you use movement such as rhythmic walking, dancing, or laughter to let go of tensions and focus the mind.
You could even try making sounds such as growling, yapping, howling – as you go up the scale – which can give you a sense of being set free to play. And you can use singing, toning, or humming, where the different vibrations of various sounds literally roll; around the body, affecting different parts of it, a little bit like internal massage. The movement and sound also helps ground you very well.
Learning and using any such techniques gives you the power of taking control of, and responsibility for, your way forward, and thus also helps you build confidence or self-assurance., so meditation really is a great tool. You can also have a lot of fun with it.
You can even use your mind as a tool to solve problems without having to dwell on them – just set your intention for the answer to pop up later and stop worrying about the situation – and usually that works just fine. Worrying is a total waste of energy anyway and it gets you nowhere by itself.
You can also set your intention to process and let go of issues and your mind and body will find a way to do just that. Stop hanging on to things that hurt you.
Even if you do catch yourself in negative talk or thoughts, just say “But that was then and NOW it is my intention to move forward….” or just tell your mind to stop doing that and re-direct it. Try to use affirmations in the present tense when talking to yourself – so instead of “I am planning to do it”, say “I am doing it.“ Soon it will become a good habit to talk positively to yourself as well as to others.
We all come from the original stream of pure consciousness, innocent and free, until we allow things to drag us down – but we can return to that lightness of being by learning to use tools that help us take back control of our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Link to blog on Personal Change Management
Link to blog on Heart Centred Communication
Link to blog on Evolution of Communication