Tag Archives: goals

Perfectionism – positives and negatives.

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Perfectionism can have both good and bad tendencies, both for the perfectionist him/herself and for those around them.  It is possible for others to learn from some of the things that might frustrate a perfectionist.  They are usually quite bright people who might have some great ideas about improving things, if you have a common perspective on a situation.

However, they can also be quite obsessive, and may need to be helped to look at things from a different perspective so that they reach a better understanding and let go of their obsession a little bit.  There are things that might be discussed logically to help put things in perspective, but remember that all people do not have the same kind of logic.  A perfectionist’s first principle might be that everything should be done right, but their idea of what is right, and why, may differ a lot from yours, or from the company’s.

If you are a manager, it might be pertinent to discuss priorities alongside logic and logistics, as there are always limits to what can be achieved within any given time, budget, staffing levels, etc.

If you are a perfectionist employee it might be very helpful if you were to ask for such explanations to help you see things in perspective and not become overwhelmed with trying to overdo things.

If a perfectionist strives for perfection in himself/herself – do they –

  • get depressed when they do not meet their own expectations?  
    Consider – Do they really expect to get everything right everywhere in any situation all the time (which is illogical), or are they just trying to do their best according to some inner set of standards or self-defined principles?  Do they perhaps not realise that these may not be applicable to others or for certain situations?  These could be good logical discussion points.

  • expect others to be perfect too?  Do they get annoyed by others and by situations which do not match their expectations?  Surely they must realise that people and situations differ?  Do they realise that others might be equally annoyed by them and their frustrating tendencies?

  • expect situations, such as jobs or relationships, to be perfect too?  Do they try to run from situations where they feel frustrated by not attaining expected standards, without realising that the same dilemma is just as likely to arise in any new job or relationship?

  • understand their goals?  Do they have a tendency to worry about details when there is actually no time to take care of such details, so there is a necessity to focus instead on the main things that really matter? [It might be helpful to make a list (a physical or at least a mental list) of what things do need to be focused on so that those take priority.  I would argue that the whole of life is like this – one might sacrifice housework goals for example in order to have time for studies or art or anything else one deems important, otherwise one might easily use up all one’s time on less important things, and never fulfil one’s higher desires.].  Goals are personal choices, but if you are in a partnership you should aim to at least understand each other’s priorities.

  • even know how to define perfection?  I mean surely the ideal of perfection is actually one of those unattainable absolutes really?  Surely getting things into proportion would help?

Perfectionists might really appreciate being given an understanding of how the business works so that they can see the reasoning behind decision making.  If they understand where a company, or indeed a partner in any type of relationship, is coming from, then they will be much more likely to make positive input in the most useful areas and learn to leave aside the little niggly things that are not deemed as relevant.

In this way they will feel they fit in better, and can be respected more for their contribution, instead of floundering around in a quagmire of miserable misconception.

I suspect that most perfectionists are really very good-intentioned.  I also doubt that any perfectionist really believes they are perfect!  I think that is a total myth, but I suppose I can see how others might think that of them.  I’m surprised that some people think that perfectionists don’t admit to faults – I think they definitely know when they have got something wrong, but they do tend to be quite upset about it until they get it into perspective.  Even they have to admit that mistakes do happen, and that is just part of life, all we can do is learn from it and move on.

I suspect that they are mostly good-hearted people trying to give of their best, but perhaps a bit confused about how best to do that.  If they can be helped to get things in balance, then they will feel better about themselves too.  Instead of illogically beating themselves up for not achieving the impossible, they can settle into a happier rhythm of doing the best they can – according to the circumstances, and become a better team player, or colleague; plus even an easier-to-love friend, partner, parent, etc.

If you are the kind of perfectionist who thinks that people will love you more if you are ‘perfect’, please think again.  You may well be alienating yourself by being obsessive, and you would be better off letting go a little and learning how to become more balanced.  That doesn’t mean you have to follow the crowd to try to fit in either, you can still be yourself, and achieve a lot, just try to get a reasonable perspective on things.  

Be kind to yourself, don’t expect so much of yourself that you drive yourself to exhaustion or become exasperated with yourself, be gentle and take care of yourself.  You will flourish much better if you allow yourself rest periods and healthy meals in-between your work and studies etc.  It always pays to ensure you take care of your physical and emotional health instead of just pushing yourself ever onwards, as in the end you achieve more, and can obtain more satisfaction from the results too. There is also a close correlation between caring about yourself and caring for others, again as long as it is not obsessive, those who care for others really should understand that they need to take care of themselves first in order to do so effectively.  In personal relationships as well as in business, if you care about yourself enough not to let others take advantage or push you around, and also avoid taking on too much yourself, then there is balance there to enable all to thrive in your work and relationships.

 


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What is your personal idea of perfection, in life, in art, in a book,
in a moment, in your mind, in your heart?


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perfection is subjective

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nature is never subjective, only our ideas of nature are

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….. sending electronic kisses across the world …..

xx

Some Coping Strategies & Support Ideas for Mums with Young Children

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Effective Strategies to help you Cope if things have got Tough, and also
to help you re-engage Joyfully with life and make Practical Plans for further
Goals. This is especially slanted to suit mums, but is helpful for anybody.

by Julia Woodman – Life Coach, Counsellor, Stress Consultant, and Writer

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How about keeping a special book to write down lists, notes, responses and observations as
you go along.  This is a special record of things you will want to know where to find and refer
back to easily from time to time.

If you are setting out on this journey with young children, then use a large scrapbook for them
as well.  Encourage them to explore the world around them and draw and stick things into their
scrapbook as they go.

Make the best of what you have.  List all the good things about and around you, and focus
on appreciating them by referring to your list every day.  This should include :

• Things about yourself (assets, skills, attributes – for example, you might have child care skills,
be a good cook, a loyal partner, have beautiful hair, strong arms, be friendly, have a great sense
of humour, good health, good home, job that fits around family so that you can be there for them,
considerate, helpful, creative)

• Things about your friends and family etc – listing each person separately is probably best
(very similar to above, including things like: loving partner you can communicate well
with, great children, sensible teenager, friends you can chat at ease with, parent you can
ask for help, practical brother, understanding boss, etc.)

• Things about your surroundings ( beautiful hills and valleys you can walk in, rivers to fish
or swim in, amazing flowers or butterflies you can look at or smell or draw or photograph,
places to go out and listen to music and dance, gym, martial arts or yoga etc classes,
seaside for watersports, swimming pool, good school, other kids that your kids can
spend time with, good weather for growing your crops or veg etc, access to good health
support, libraries, college, jobs, etc.)

You can also refer back to this list to make sure you remember to make use of
the good stuff – for example, keep a diary perhaps to just take note of inspiring
things at any time, and to draw in or write poems in about the beautiful things
in any wild spaces you visit.

You might like to cook a special meal for your partner or family or even just for yourself,
find ways to ensure that you keep up with your friends (even if just via the internet if they
are far away), find fun ways to keep fit, set aside time for good movies or comedy shows
or music events, access resources and knowledge available, play games with your friends
and family, etc.  Remember to give praise to partners and children when you can.

When taking walks or going on trips with your children it is great to point out how things
work along the way, and show them the beautiful details in nature, encourage them to
draw or write about it, or stick things in their scrapbooks, such as leaflets about where
you have been.  You could help them draw a flower or leaf, and then press it between the
pages of a heavy book in greaseproof paper (which keeps it more vibrant than tissue paper).
Then later on when it has dried you can compare it to the drawing, maybe even
stick it into the scrapbook next to the drawing.

“Beauty is alive in every moment, riding the breath of life
to remind you of the flower that is your heart.” Global Love Project

“To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.” Mary Oliver

Basically, if you practice paying attention to all the beauty and detail of life,
you are bearing witness to what is possible, and showing appreciation
of the diversity,thereby also increasing your own sense of joy in
being alive,and your capacity for learning and creativity.

Young children can understand a lot more than we tend to think, and it is crucial to keep
their curiosity, sense of wonder, and thirst for knowledge alive.  You too can enjoy their
delight if you help them for example by using illustrated information books.  It is
wonderful if you can put on a little act and exclaim with delight or awe at some of the
amazing details.

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Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or
friends.  Be prepared to ensure that you have your fair say in a respectful way.  Again, it
is good to write things down in preparation so that you are clear about what the most
important one or two things you want to discuss are, and don’t muddy the waters with all
sorts of vague bits and pieces.  I do have more detailed articles and videos about
communication available via my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

Let go of small things that niggle at you by concentrating on being grateful for the good
things.  What does the other stuff matter by comparison?  We all know that no one is
perfect, so let’s stop expecting them to be.  If you give praise for the good stuff it will
make everybody (including yourself) feel more willing to try to be their best.

List the knowledge and skills that you already have, and appreciate those too.
These are the building blocks of your life. No thing is too small, so put them all down.

If you are lacking in confidence then use affirmations to help build this up.
There are also some of these available via my website.

You can also learn to write your own – they must always be written in the present tense.

A wonderful affirmation that helps balance your mind, body, and spirit because it aligns
you with the earth and the universe (both of which crucially allow and support life) is to
simply say “I love, and I am loved”.  You need to be comfortable, take a few deep
breaths to relax and focus, and then say this aloud and feel that it is true.  Your
relationship with the universe and with the earth is fundamental to who you are.  Be at
ease with yourself, and let the energy flow up and down your spine as you stand upon the
earth, holding your head steady, repeating this until you know that it is true.

When we are balanced, it is easy for others to love us, because we hold a steadiness in
our hearts and do not react to trivial things.  You are regaining your connection with the
deep self and the real world beneath all the crazy stuff and meaningless rules we have
piled on it.  Breathe deeply and feel yourself to be more free.

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As you progress through all these ideas here and in some of my other materials, you will
find that your confidence increases quite naturally.  You have to know that you are
worth it.  Everyone has an equal right to live their lives as they choose because each one
of us is a vital part of the overall diversity of life and consciousness. You are a unique
human being come to experience life on this planet so you should aim to learn from
everything, even what we would normally term as negative because the most challenging
things usually have the most potential to teach us stuff.  Even illness can be viewed as the
body trying to show us that it needs attention, so once you start listening to that and doing
something about it, you are taking the positive steps you need to.  It is your life, and you
have the power to choose to make it good for you.  You should not be afraid to follow your
heart and fulfil your dreams, don’t listen to people who tell you otherwise, or to any
niggling doubts in your ego ­mind.

Our minds can be used as tools to help us help ourselves, instead of allowing
ourselves to be subjected to some of the silly thoughts, fears, and worries that tend to go
round in our heads if we let them.  Stop listening to that sort of negative stuff and focus on
the positive.  Think about it – worry is a total waste of energy because it does not achieve
anything productive.  All it does is show us that perhaps we need to take care to prepare
for whatever it is we are worrying about or fearing, so that we can face it instead of letting
it knock us down.  Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real – usually if we just
get on and do what we are afraid of, then we find it is all fine after all – so we need to learn
to stop our minds getting in the way, and use them instead to help us move forwards.

By making these lists of all the good stuff, we can then remind ourselves of things to
inspire and motivate us.  We can say “AHHHH YES I CAN DO THIS. Look – I already
have some of the skills, and I can learn the rest, and find out what I need to know and do
to be successful.”  You can learn to follow your heart to be who you truly want to be.

If you feel stressed or depressed, then look for my articles that can help with such
issues, which are again available on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

There is a full Stress Busting guide available too.  Don’t let these things steal your power,
learn how to deal with them!  I also have some simple visualizations to help you relax, but
meditation is even more powerful, so if you are prepared to put in the work, go for my
full meditation guide, and you should be well rewarded for your efforts.  Meditation takes
you into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power.

Promise yourself that you are going to stop beating yourself up about anything –
you are doing the best you can for the moment, and as you find out how best to move forward,
you will continue to be doing the best that you can in each moment.  Of course, as you
learn and plan and achieve, that best will be better than it was before, and you can
congratulate yourself for every step that you take.  Meantime just do not expect too much
from yourself, we can only do what we can, given the tools we have in each moment.

Don’t judge yourself (or others) – each moment is only one step on our journey.  Even
if you take a step backwards, don’t waste time and energy on berating yourself for that, just
get back on the track.

Everyone needs a bit of space to themselves once in a while, so ensure that you
do get this, and don’t let anyone else make you feel that you can’t take it – we need to rest
and renew ourselves, recharge our energy.  We all have different ways of doing this, so
plan for it as part of your life, just don’t overdo it – there is a big difference between taking
time out now and again to do something inspiring, and withdrawing or retreating from
things.  It should be time to do something positive for yourself….. yes if you need to sleep,
then sleep, but ideally you could meditate or read or write or draw or play music, go for a
walk, visit a friend, or do anything you love.

Meditation is fantastic for regaining and strengthening our deeper sense of self.
It can also be used as a tool to train our minds to do what we want instead of getting in our way.

Plan lists of anything else you want to learn or achieve – You can come back to this
later, it is just to get your thoughts clear for now  Don’t just think about work, think about
hobbies, enjoyment etc too, anything that might help you (and your partners, and
children, if you have them) have more fun.  Obviously sometimes you may need to do
things on your own, but this can be planned for – if you really want to do it, make sure
you put it on your list, don’t leave anything off or limit yourself just because your logical
mind says it isn’t practical!

Writing all these things down helps to give them more potential.  If you faithfully
make your lists as suggested, then you will find it useful to refer back to them to remind
yourself of your thoughts and renew your positive motivation.  Another main factor about
writing all these things down is that it clarifies your intentions, which helps you focus on
what you want.  If our minds are less muddled then we are simply much more likely to
follow what we have set down, so this focus removes the muddle and sets you on track.

We can go a stage further and use life coaching charts to actually make step by step
plans of how we are going to get from point A to B.  These are different from the
lists above, because these exercises here are looking at your whole life really, whereas in
life coaching plans you need to focus on one or two specific areas – for example how to get
to do what you want at college, how to plan to move country, how to give up a bad habit,
how to save or pay off debts, how to get fit or lose weight, how to basically achieve any
goal we choose to.

We make the steps along the way realistic and achievable alongside time frames that
again are realistic and achievable.  We also add in details like who is going to help or
support you where help is needed, for example you may need a child-minder so that you
can attend college, or you might just need to be able to phone someone up for moral
support if you are feeling tired and demoralised.  Or you might just be able to refer back
to your book where you have written your list of reasons for doing this in the first place
to regain your sense of motivation.  In any case, your plan will also include rewards for
achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation.  We need to bear in mind
that any cycle of change is bound to have slight setbacks once in a while as it is normal to
feel very motivated to start with then run out of steam a bit if things get tough, but the
thing is just to get back on up and on with it again as soon as you are ready, and not waste
time and energy regretting the setback.  If we are prepared well enough, then we will
have the support in place to help us get back on track.  I have life coaching charts
available on www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm so that you can use them
yourself if you wish to.

If you want to find something to do and you are not sure what that is yet, then I do also
have a system included in my Life Coaching packages to help you tap your
subconscious to identify what you most want.  This might help mums returning to
work or mothers whose children have left home, for example, to decide what sort of a career
or business they might want to go for, or define what hobbies or college course might suit
someone.  Again, this is on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm

I also love to help Young People and have specific materials available about communication
with them, and helping them to make the transition into adulthood.

I have other guides such as ‘Confirming your Joy’, as well as the Meditation and Stress Busting
ones, all available via www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm  There are ones
related to Creativity, and Spirituality, and Evolving Consciousness as well.

Creativity is not just about the generally recognised arts, it includes all sorts of
things, like cooking, sewing, woodwork, gardening, flower arranging, decorating, you name it,
we all have some creativity in us.  Creativity is also often an outcome of curiosity, which
children usually have in abundance, so looking at things around you can naturally lead on to
creating something in relation to that.

Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life.  Both of those
help add to your sense of confidence and satisfaction because you are interacting more
with the world around you through your creativity, which also involves a deep level of
noticing details.  So I always advocate that people watch other people, animals, plants,
anything at all, and really note the finer details of behaviour, natural beauty, and the
amazing diversity of life, the interaction between things, and also how things function so
incredibly well – including our own bodies.  It is equally inspiring to know that even if
we may not function that well all the time, we can always do something about helping
ourselves return to our optimum state.


More details of the HELPFUL LIFE COACHING TOOLS
available hereThere are some specific pointers in there that will be helpful to Mums returning to 
work, plus an example form called “Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having
Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing”.Life Coaching ­ Pack of All 3 Achievable Goal Planning Sections ­
How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS ­ £6.50
(which gives a saving of 50p on buying them separately as detailed below).
[The sections are also available separately so that people who don’t need the “help to
decide” section can save by just buying the other two.  And sometimes people just want
the “help to decide” section and then take it from there themselves because they might
already know about life coaching, but that is a unique extra developed by me.  Or people
might just want to use my forms and look at my examples, although I do obviously
recommend looking at the 2nd section too, as there is so much useful information in it.]
Life Coaching 1 ­ How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do ­ £1.50Help with deciding on your goals in the first place.  It’s best to get really clear before you
begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort.
For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career
(or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you
are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc).
We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure
what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.

Life Coaching 2 ­ HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic
Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS ­ £2.50

Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan.
Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls.
Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.

Life Coaching 3 ­ Goal Setting FORMS ­ £3

Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on,
plus several examples.

Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight and getting fit alongside study
times, job, and committee member obligations, 3) planning workshops with all the admin
etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills
& a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.

IN CONCLUSION

I really hope that this has been helpful, and that anyone interested in planning to achieve
goals will take the next step and get the life coaching packs, but please do also feel
free to phone or email with any questions, or if you would like further support.

Whatever choices you make
best wishes!

Links to other articles pages via our TOOLKIT page

radsolcirccheart2b

Mastery – a new guide available from our website

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MASTERY –  Imperatives for a Masterful Life – Awareness & Intention /
(So called MASTERY and what it might be, or mean. / Roundup – Beliefs & Aims /
What is the Source of Life? / Does what we Believe affect what Happens to us? /
What is the Nature of ‘God’ & Why would Jesus have been Crucified to save us
from our sins? / What Really Matters? / What else might matter? / What can we
learn to be? / What does a ‘master’ know? / What does one strive for if one wishes
to work towards mastery? / Are there such things as soul contracts? / Do we learn
on behalf of the ALL that is, so that the collective ONE can evolve too? / Why do
‘bad’ things happen? / As we become ‘masters’, do we find ourselves recreated
anew in each moment as the same being we chose ourselves to be in the last
moment, or do we continue to evolve? / HUMILITY / A little more on INTENTION /
Looking back at ‘mastery’ / What might happen after death? / AWARENESS –
Everywhere & Nowhere / A brief simple but powerful MEDITATION, using your
intention to help others. / STREAM poem / Meditation – How to use it for Subtle
Activism / Free Thinking – Helping our Young People to Think for themselves /
BEING REAL – Lennon in the Collective Consciousness / You Are the ONE poem.)

Aailable from our website – http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

Many more guides, such as MEDITATION ones, are also available from this page,
and also EASY AFFIRMATIONS TO EMPOWER YOU
and EASY VISUALISATIONS TO RELAX AND INSPIRE YOU

plus
OUR LIFE COACHING PACK
All 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle – How to Maximise Success,
Help to Decide, and all FORMS to assist you
1 – How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do.
Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
2 – HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls.  Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.
3 – Goal Setting FORMS
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, plus several examples.
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight & getting fit alongside study times, job, and committee obligations,  3) planning workshops with all the admin etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

LUCKYCLOVER4

LIFE COACHING

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LIFE COACHING.

Julia Woodman (also known as Jay or Joules) writes and teaches about many thngs to try to help people and communities locally and globally.  She has lots of experience of working with people of all ages, including children and young people.

Julia does also work via the phone and internet, offering support and advice globally.

She also has a pack of life coaching materials available for your own use http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm