New Create Health blog in progress here – which I hope you will follow please!
Use a very simple meditation to breathe out stress:
- Sit or lie comfortably but making sure that no part of your body is restricted or strained (no sitting on feet, crossed legs, or lying on one elbow etc.
- Now breathe deeply in and out, focusing on the breath and making it slow down. Counting your in breath, then counting a pause, then counting the outbreath, can help. Find a natural rhythm for you.
- Now focus on relaxing parts of your body from the top down. Head, face, neck, shoulders, arms.
- Breathe deeply, and wriggle a bit if you feel inclined to, then do those same areas again.
- Breathe deeply, and move down the body gradually until you are relaxed from top to toe.
- Just to check, ask you body if there are any tense areas left, and go back to these.
Use the word RELAX – say it slowly but meaningfully to yourself as you feel your muscles soften.
- Now Breathe to let go of past issues – take deep breaths in, and let go as you breathe out.
- LET GO of any tensions regarding past relationships.
Allow yourself to let them go – you do not need to carry them now.
Keep breathing until they are all gone, then give a last big sigh along with a shrug, shake, or wriggle.
- Breathe out tensions regarding outside things or involvements affecting you or your family.
Know that you can cope with this. Take strength from what you have managed so far.
- Breathe in confidence and self respect. Ask the universe (or God) to support you, to give you the energy to continue to be strong, and balanced.
- Now breathe out tensions about any financial or other worries hanging over you.
You know you can only do your best, make what plans you can, and try to greet each day as it comes. There is no point in wasting more energy on worrying, once you’ve done what you can.
- Now breathe out any tensions about current family or relationship issues.
Focus instead on all the positive things you are trying to do.
Think also about the good things, the funny things, the loveable things, and be grateful.
- Shrug, shake, or wriggle to let go of any last bits of tension, and you are done.
Use my mediations videos on youtube – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHMEoye4AytW1RjFJw1Br1g –
to help get you started on more ideas, and to get more of a hang of the idea of meditation itself –
or tracks on soundcloud – https://soundcloud.com/julia-woodman –
(Julia Woodman / Radiance Solutions)
Life Coaching, Counselling, Healing, Creativity – (Advice & Support available by phone or email)
Discussion Times for Couples or Others needing to make an effort to get along
- Make short pre-arranged times to come together to discuss a few things so that people can prepare for this instead of having things sprung on them. Obviously ensure this is a good time for all, so that it doesn’t clash with favourite programmes or things that need doing.
- Prioritise just a few of the most important things needing discussion so that no one feels overloaded. You could make a few headings for things to come under (much like an agenda), such as Finance, House Management, Relationships.
- Make it a rule that everyone gets a fair turn, and others listen properly, but no one is allowed to waffle on too long, they must learn to be concise.
- Also, if anyone becomes too emotionally worked up, it is better to call a short break, walk about, stretch, get drinks etc, before continuing.
- The main thing about this as that everyone learns to trust each other to try to make this a constructive thing to do, that isn’t stressful, so keeping it short and fair is very important.
- Bear in mind that not everything has an answer, so don’t expect too much from your partner – sometimes it is okay to accept that there may not be an obvious solution to an issue, although that should not be used as an excuse to not give things due consideration.
- Also remember, that while you can ask others to consider your needs, you cannot necessarily expect them to fulfil them. Obviously everyone can try to take things into consideration to a point, but relationships are not there for fulfilling each other’s needs, they are for working together as a team, and loving with freedom to let each other be who they are in themselves, and each person should aim to be self empowered rather than too dependent on each other.
- Look for small steps rather than expecting everything to happen at once – for example, to arrange to pay small amounts on each bill until there is more income (or prioritise the most important bills), or go to the park if you can’t afford to go out for dinner to spend time together. Don’t assume your partner will only accept big solutions, don’t be afraid to suggest compromises.
- Try not to criticise each other – show what you do like by giving compliments and showing appreciation etc, for example “I loved the way you texted me out of the blue today, it made me feel so cared for”, or “Thank you for listening so carefully to my feelings”, and you could always ask them if there is anything they would like to share in return.
- Always try to leave room for each person to express themselves without interruption, as long as they don’t overdo it. If things get too much, then ask for a break, or suggest that they speak about it again when they have better collected their thoughts so that they can be more concise and clear, or so that the emotional levels are cooled a little. Don’t continue if you are becoming distraught, but do promise to speak / listen again when things are more calm, and things can be expressed better. Writing things down can help take the emotional heat out of it, and also help you clarify which bits are important, so that you can prioritise a few points and present them as clearly and concisely as possible. This is also a good thing to do if your mind is going over something at night to prevent you from sleeping, or anytime you are upset. (Sometimes a first draft of what we write would be long and emotional, but a second draft would be much shorter and make more logical sense, so you would never show the first draft to anyone else as it would only confuse things.)
- Try to leave room after your meeting to relax before going to bed. It is always better to go to sleep on good terms, rather than stew all night. It is much harder to regain a warm outlook towards each other if you have left it until the next morning. So reassure each other after your meeting, that you are done with the discussion for now, and anything else can be set aside until next time, etc. Maybe there is something you could add to help, like some relaxing music, or even meditation? Or rubbing each others backs in a warm bath?
- However, don’t always carry things over to next time, do try to conclude some things at each meeting, otherwise the meetings will become a drag. Okay, so if you did not find a solution for something at one meeting, and people have agreed to think about it until the next one, then it is okay to have it on the agenda again, to see if any bright ideas or different perspectives have emerged, but don’t dwell on something too much. Of course some things that need doing in stages or steps will have to come up again, for example revising payment plans, or if you have paid off one bill, then you would want to agree how to redirect the funds no longer needed for that one, etc, but these are generally the more practical things.
- Even though you leave space to settle down after a meeting before bed, it may not be the best night for sex, but remember that a cuddle does not have to mean sex. Closeness should be shown in many other ways. It is better to have warmth and friendship between you than to feel pressure to perform, then when you do want to try sex, it will come more naturally.
- Massage is a wonderful way to show your caring side and to treat each other (make sure it goes both ways, unless one prefers an alternative reciprocation, but it doesn’t have to necessarily be the same time, so one could be treated one night and the other the next, for example). It does not have to be a huge thing, just a few caresses or strokes is better than nothing. A few strokes, or even just a warm hand resting on you, can release a lot of tension from the body. Don’t forget the head and face, these are areas people don’t often get touched outside of intimate relationships.
- Respect is vitally important. Respect for yourself as well as for each other. So each person is making an effort in the relationship (or team), and in their own lives, and feels they have a right to speak and to be heard – so you do listen to each other as long as they do not treat you disrespectfully. If anyone has trouble with self esteem, they should perhaps consider getting some help with this. Our pasts can have a huge influence on our behaviour, especially if we have been treated badly, and we may need help to move beyond certain patterns and to feel more empowered (in a balanced way, that does not try to control others).
- Meditations and visualisations can be wonderful tools to use individually and as a couple. They can enhance your sense of deeper self, and all your relationships (family, friends, work, etc.) I have several of these available on you tube, including an anger management one, and I will be continuing to add more.
- There are some simple things you can do here – before your meeting you could sit facing each other for a moment, maybe holding hands, and close your eyes. Breathe deeply and call up your love to help you be calm and gentle at your meeting, so that it can be a successful / positive experience for all. You could even say something out loud, such as “I promise to try to be calm and loving”, or “I promise to honour and respect you and listen to your points of view, and I ask you to do the same for me.” Call on each other’s highest (deep) selves to be present. You could also do a similar thing at the end of the meeting, for example, holding hands in a circle, and saying “Thank you” and sharing your love in the same way, silently for a moment, blessing your relationship.
- Children can be included in family discussion times from quite an early age, so that they feel empowered to have a say, learn about responsibilities, and share feelings.
Blessing to all, Julia Woodman
Any suggestions to add? Please feel free to comment.
Effective Strategies to help you Cope if things have got Tough, and also
to help you re-engage Joyfully with life and make Practical Plans for further
Goals. This is especially slanted to suit mums, but is helpful for anybody.
by Julia Woodman – Life Coach, Counsellor, Stress Consultant, and Writer
How about keeping a special book to write down lists, notes, responses and observations as
you go along. This is a special record of things you will want to know where to find and refer
back to easily from time to time.
If you are setting out on this journey with young children, then use a large scrapbook for them
as well. Encourage them to explore the world around them and draw and stick things into their
scrapbook as they go.
Make the best of what you have. List all the good things about and around you, and focus
on appreciating them by referring to your list every day. This should include :
• Things about yourself (assets, skills, attributes – for example, you might have child care skills,
be a good cook, a loyal partner, have beautiful hair, strong arms, be friendly, have a great sense
of humour, good health, good home, job that fits around family so that you can be there for them,
considerate, helpful, creative)
• Things about your friends and family etc – listing each person separately is probably best
(very similar to above, including things like: loving partner you can communicate well
with, great children, sensible teenager, friends you can chat at ease with, parent you can
ask for help, practical brother, understanding boss, etc.)
• Things about your surroundings ( beautiful hills and valleys you can walk in, rivers to fish
or swim in, amazing flowers or butterflies you can look at or smell or draw or photograph,
places to go out and listen to music and dance, gym, martial arts or yoga etc classes,
seaside for watersports, swimming pool, good school, other kids that your kids can
spend time with, good weather for growing your crops or veg etc, access to good health
support, libraries, college, jobs, etc.)
You can also refer back to this list to make sure you remember to make use of
the good stuff – for example, keep a diary perhaps to just take note of inspiring
things at any time, and to draw in or write poems in about the beautiful things
in any wild spaces you visit.
You might like to cook a special meal for your partner or family or even just for yourself,
find ways to ensure that you keep up with your friends (even if just via the internet if they
are far away), find fun ways to keep fit, set aside time for good movies or comedy shows
or music events, access resources and knowledge available, play games with your friends
and family, etc. Remember to give praise to partners and children when you can.
When taking walks or going on trips with your children it is great to point out how things
work along the way, and show them the beautiful details in nature, encourage them to
draw or write about it, or stick things in their scrapbooks, such as leaflets about where
you have been. You could help them draw a flower or leaf, and then press it between the
pages of a heavy book in greaseproof paper (which keeps it more vibrant than tissue paper).
Then later on when it has dried you can compare it to the drawing, maybe even
stick it into the scrapbook next to the drawing.
“Beauty is alive in every moment, riding the breath of life
Young children can understand a lot more than we tend to think, and it is crucial to keep
their curiosity, sense of wonder, and thirst for knowledge alive. You too can enjoy their
delight if you help them for example by using illustrated information books. It is
wonderful if you can put on a little act and exclaim with delight or awe at some of the
Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or
friends. Be prepared to ensure that you have your fair say in a respectful way. Again, it
is good to write things down in preparation so that you are clear about what the most
important one or two things you want to discuss are, and don’t muddy the waters with all
sorts of vague bits and pieces. I do have more detailed articles and videos about
communication available via my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Let go of small things that niggle at you by concentrating on being grateful for the good
things. What does the other stuff matter by comparison? We all know that no one is
perfect, so let’s stop expecting them to be. If you give praise for the good stuff it will
make everybody (including yourself) feel more willing to try to be their best.
List the knowledge and skills that you already have, and appreciate those too.
These are the building blocks of your life. No thing is too small, so put them all down.
If you are lacking in confidence then use affirmations to help build this up.
There are also some of these available via my website.
You can also learn to write your own – they must always be written in the present tense.
A wonderful affirmation that helps balance your mind, body, and spirit because it aligns
you with the earth and the universe (both of which crucially allow and support life) is to
simply say “I love, and I am loved”. You need to be comfortable, take a few deep
breaths to relax and focus, and then say this aloud and feel that it is true. Your
relationship with the universe and with the earth is fundamental to who you are. Be at
ease with yourself, and let the energy flow up and down your spine as you stand upon the
earth, holding your head steady, repeating this until you know that it is true.
When we are balanced, it is easy for others to love us, because we hold a steadiness in
our hearts and do not react to trivial things. You are regaining your connection with the
deep self and the real world beneath all the crazy stuff and meaningless rules we have
piled on it. Breathe deeply and feel yourself to be more free.
As you progress through all these ideas here and in some of my other materials, you will
find that your confidence increases quite naturally. You have to know that you are
worth it. Everyone has an equal right to live their lives as they choose because each one
of us is a vital part of the overall diversity of life and consciousness. You are a unique
human being come to experience life on this planet so you should aim to learn from
everything, even what we would normally term as negative because the most challenging
things usually have the most potential to teach us stuff. Even illness can be viewed as the
body trying to show us that it needs attention, so once you start listening to that and doing
something about it, you are taking the positive steps you need to. It is your life, and you
have the power to choose to make it good for you. You should not be afraid to follow your
heart and fulfil your dreams, don’t listen to people who tell you otherwise, or to any
niggling doubts in your ego mind.
Our minds can be used as tools to help us help ourselves, instead of allowing
ourselves to be subjected to some of the silly thoughts, fears, and worries that tend to go
round in our heads if we let them. Stop listening to that sort of negative stuff and focus on
the positive. Think about it – worry is a total waste of energy because it does not achieve
anything productive. All it does is show us that perhaps we need to take care to prepare
for whatever it is we are worrying about or fearing, so that we can face it instead of letting
it knock us down. Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real – usually if we just
get on and do what we are afraid of, then we find it is all fine after all – so we need to learn
to stop our minds getting in the way, and use them instead to help us move forwards.
By making these lists of all the good stuff, we can then remind ourselves of things to
inspire and motivate us. We can say “AHHHH YES I CAN DO THIS. Look – I already
have some of the skills, and I can learn the rest, and find out what I need to know and do
to be successful.” You can learn to follow your heart to be who you truly want to be.
If you feel stressed or depressed, then look for my articles that can help with such
issues, which are again available on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
There is a full Stress Busting guide available too. Don’t let these things steal your power,
learn how to deal with them! I also have some simple visualizations to help you relax, but
meditation is even more powerful, so if you are prepared to put in the work, go for my
full meditation guide, and you should be well rewarded for your efforts. Meditation takes
you into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power.
Promise yourself that you are going to stop beating yourself up about anything –
you are doing the best you can for the moment, and as you find out how best to move forward,
you will continue to be doing the best that you can in each moment. Of course, as you
learn and plan and achieve, that best will be better than it was before, and you can
congratulate yourself for every step that you take. Meantime just do not expect too much
from yourself, we can only do what we can, given the tools we have in each moment.
Don’t judge yourself (or others) – each moment is only one step on our journey. Even
if you take a step backwards, don’t waste time and energy on berating yourself for that, just
get back on the track.
Everyone needs a bit of space to themselves once in a while, so ensure that you
do get this, and don’t let anyone else make you feel that you can’t take it – we need to rest
and renew ourselves, recharge our energy. We all have different ways of doing this, so
plan for it as part of your life, just don’t overdo it – there is a big difference between taking
time out now and again to do something inspiring, and withdrawing or retreating from
things. It should be time to do something positive for yourself….. yes if you need to sleep,
then sleep, but ideally you could meditate or read or write or draw or play music, go for a
walk, visit a friend, or do anything you love.
Meditation is fantastic for regaining and strengthening our deeper sense of self.
It can also be used as a tool to train our minds to do what we want instead of getting in our way.
Plan lists of anything else you want to learn or achieve – You can come back to this
later, it is just to get your thoughts clear for now Don’t just think about work, think about
hobbies, enjoyment etc too, anything that might help you (and your partners, and
children, if you have them) have more fun. Obviously sometimes you may need to do
things on your own, but this can be planned for – if you really want to do it, make sure
you put it on your list, don’t leave anything off or limit yourself just because your logical
mind says it isn’t practical!
Writing all these things down helps to give them more potential. If you faithfully
make your lists as suggested, then you will find it useful to refer back to them to remind
yourself of your thoughts and renew your positive motivation. Another main factor about
writing all these things down is that it clarifies your intentions, which helps you focus on
what you want. If our minds are less muddled then we are simply much more likely to
follow what we have set down, so this focus removes the muddle and sets you on track.
We can go a stage further and use life coaching charts to actually make step by step
plans of how we are going to get from point A to B. These are different from the
lists above, because these exercises here are looking at your whole life really, whereas in
life coaching plans you need to focus on one or two specific areas – for example how to get
to do what you want at college, how to plan to move country, how to give up a bad habit,
how to save or pay off debts, how to get fit or lose weight, how to basically achieve any
goal we choose to.
We make the steps along the way realistic and achievable alongside time frames that
again are realistic and achievable. We also add in details like who is going to help or
support you where help is needed, for example you may need a child-minder so that you
can attend college, or you might just need to be able to phone someone up for moral
support if you are feeling tired and demoralised. Or you might just be able to refer back
to your book where you have written your list of reasons for doing this in the first place
to regain your sense of motivation. In any case, your plan will also include rewards for
achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation. We need to bear in mind
that any cycle of change is bound to have slight setbacks once in a while as it is normal to
feel very motivated to start with then run out of steam a bit if things get tough, but the
thing is just to get back on up and on with it again as soon as you are ready, and not waste
time and energy regretting the setback. If we are prepared well enough, then we will
have the support in place to help us get back on track. I have life coaching charts
available on www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm so that you can use them
yourself if you wish to.
If you want to find something to do and you are not sure what that is yet, then I do also
have a system included in my Life Coaching packages to help you tap your
subconscious to identify what you most want. This might help mums returning to
work or mothers whose children have left home, for example, to decide what sort of a career
or business they might want to go for, or define what hobbies or college course might suit
someone. Again, this is on my website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides3.htm
I also love to help Young People and have specific materials available about communication
with them, and helping them to make the transition into adulthood.
I have other guides such as ‘Confirming your Joy’, as well as the Meditation and Stress Busting
ones, all available via www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm There are ones
related to Creativity, and Spirituality, and Evolving Consciousness as well.
Creativity is not just about the generally recognised arts, it includes all sorts of
things, like cooking, sewing, woodwork, gardening, flower arranging, decorating, you name it,
we all have some creativity in us. Creativity is also often an outcome of curiosity, which
children usually have in abundance, so looking at things around you can naturally lead on to
creating something in relation to that.
Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life. Both of those
help add to your sense of confidence and satisfaction because you are interacting more
with the world around you through your creativity, which also involves a deep level of
noticing details. So I always advocate that people watch other people, animals, plants,
anything at all, and really note the finer details of behaviour, natural beauty, and the
amazing diversity of life, the interaction between things, and also how things function so
incredibly well – including our own bodies. It is equally inspiring to know that even if
we may not function that well all the time, we can always do something about helping
ourselves return to our optimum state.
More details of the HELPFUL LIFE COACHING TOOLS
available hereThere are some specific pointers in there that will be helpful to Mums returning to
work, plus an example form called “Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having
Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing”.Life Coaching Pack of All 3 Achievable Goal Planning Sections
How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS £6.50
(which gives a saving of 50p on buying them separately as detailed below).
[The sections are also available separately so that people who don’t need the “help to
decide” section can save by just buying the other two. And sometimes people just want
the “help to decide” section and then take it from there themselves because they might
already know about life coaching, but that is a unique extra developed by me. Or people
might just want to use my forms and look at my examples, although I do obviously
recommend looking at the 2nd section too, as there is so much useful information in it.]
Life Coaching 1 How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do £1.50Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you
begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort.
For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career
(or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you
are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc).
We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure
what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
Life Coaching 2 HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan.
Life Coaching 3 Goal Setting FORMS £3
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on,
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight and getting fit alongside study
I really hope that this has been helpful, and that anyone interested in planning to achieve
goals will take the next step and get the life coaching packs, but please do also feel
free to phone or email with any questions, or if you would like further support.
Whatever choices you make
You are a unique being, here on earth to experience life. It is up to you what you make of
that life. If you find a way to be your true self then that will give you a deep sense of
personal power. There are many things you might like to find out about to help you
achieve this, so plenty to keep you busy!
If depression is getting in the way, don’t despair, there are many things you can do to
take back control. It isn’t all about medication and counselling, although it is of course
always highly recommended to see your doctor and discuss options. Also bear in mind,
that some people do have misconceptions about counselling – it is not a huge mystery –
it is just a chance to talk with a professionally trained person who is detached from your
situation and can therefore help you obtain a different perspective on it and hopefully
understand better what you might need to do to help yourself move forwards.
You can also look at your lifestyle to ensure you are getting enough sleep, exercise, and a
balanced diet, for starters. It’s really important to give ourselves the best chance for
recovery by taking care of all aspects of ourselves.
• Shortage of certain minerals can be linked to depression (look for my article about
this, or use a kinesiologist to test you for shortages). Basically if you are short of
something (which can easily happen for many reasons) then your body and brain may
not have the right chemical balance to function properly. So if this is the case, then it
can easily be addressed and will help you enormously.
• Lack of daylight hours or sunlight can also be a cause, and these days you can get
supplements to help with that, or use special lighting to emulate the sunlight. This
can make a huge difference to your brain function. Consider this especially if you are
living in more northern latitudes, or if you have moved country. It can take a lot of
time to adjust to the seasons and ways of a new country anyway.
• Teenagers do need more sleep than adults, but only a bit more, so it’s okay to rest on
weekends for example if you are up early during the week, but don’t get sucked into
sleeping all day as that tends to make things worse. Try to plan things for yourself to
do and so set times by which you have to be up. If you have been sleeping too much,
then addressing this by setting some limits and routines can help a lot. You tend to
feel better about yourself anyway if you are not just lazing around all the time. I
know it can be hard to be motivated if you are not working for example, but try to
make lists of things you can do, find hobbies, be creative, help others. There is so
much interesting stuff in the world, and the internet can help us find out about almost
anything, so it seems crazy to allow ourselves to be sucked into games all the time –
try to break any addiction to playing day after day, and to any other addictions that
might have too much power over you. A life coaching plan can help you approach
this if you want to ask me about this, just email.
• Teenagers also tend to have more difficulty going to sleep if they go to bed too early,
so plan your sleeping hours to suit, but bear in mind that you may have to make
allowances for others in the home, so if you need to negotiate things promise to be
considerate, and that will help.
• Plan what you eat to suit you too, different types of people need different food types,
and also some days we need to eat more than others, so listen to your body’s needs. I
don’t mean eat chocolate and junk food, I mean healthy things obviously. But some
people need a lot of protein for example, and some people get most of their vitamins
from fruit, whereas for others it may be better to focus on vegetables. A lot of people
do not get on well with wheat or dairy products, this does not necessarily mean you
have a huge reaction, it may just mean you feel a bit bloated or full of catarrh. We all
need a certain amount of carbohydrate, but sometimes we really overdo it. If there
are a lot of colds going round, it is good to keep strong to fight them off by eating a
bit extra of what seems really good for you, and if you already have a cold, the same
applies. I tend to want salty things like anchovies, along with salad such as lettuce,
and avocado, and even olives (which I don’t normally like).
• Energy management is something we often forget. I used to stay up all night painting
when I was first living on my own, and felt great for a bit, but then it caught up with
me, and I was not just tired, but down. These days I manage my energy better, says
she, now writing this article at 2.30am, but I did get a sleep thisafternoon, honest. (I
needed the rest then after working in a hospital most of the day.) Also, sometimes we
have to say no to things or even to visitors so that we can conserve our energy for
something we have to do later for example.
• Drinking enough water helps to move toxins out of your system. There is no other
drink that works as a substitute for water except herbal teas (not infusions), with no
• Exercise also helps to get rid of toxins, and of course stress too. You might like to
consider some of the more unusual things to find something that really works for you.
You might like something that tests particular skills, such as rock climbing, or might
want more overall stretching and balance, like Yoga. Martial arts are very holistic.
Or perhaps you could help someone elderly or unwell by taking their dog for a walk?
• If you are putting too much stress on your body with drink and smoking or other
substances, then perhaps you can find help to reduce that, as they will take their toll.
Mineral imbalance can be a factor in addiction too (refer to my first point).
• If you still need help with depression, then yes, a counsellor can help, but be sure to
choose one that is not going to dwell on negative stuff for too long. They do need to
get a proper understanding of your situation, which includes looking at all the things
that might be challenging you, but then they should help you to move forwards
positively. If things aren’t going the way you think they should, then do say so.
Any professional should be willing and able to change their approach if needed.
If not, then change your professional. This is your life, it is too important to just let
• Sometimes a life coach may be more help to look at forward planning to achieve
goals. I can send you planning sheets and guidance notes by email if you request
them, and let me know what you are aiming to achieve.
• If you are not sure what you want to do with life yet, or have become confused or
diverted, then I have a method that can help you intuitively tap your subconscious to
discover your true interests, so contact me by email to ask me to send you my
instructions for doing this. I have even helped mothers decide what they want to do
when their kids have grown up, as this can sometimes seem like an empty time.
• Or you might benefit from more therapeutic help, such as healing sessions. You can
find pretty much anything you need via the internet.
• We all need to find a balance of mind, body, and spirit, to be complete in ourselves,
so you may be seeking answers for spiritual questions, to help you make sense of life.
(If this is the case, then do take a look at some of my spiritual and nature related
articles. They might help open up a whole new perspective.)
• There are many tools like meditation which can really help you find the balance to
cope with life. In fact they can be fully integrated with your life.
• Communication can be an issue for anyone, and I have written about that too, from
the perspectives of parents, children, young people, adults, friends, partners, and work
situations – so I hope that some of this might be of help.
• If your depression or emotions make you feel as if you can’t talk to anyone, then
often writing can be an alternative, whether it be letters, poems, songs, or anything
else. This tends to release the emotions, and you can end up seeing things a bit more
clearly then too. You can even write really nasty things and then just throw them
away afterwards, but it allows you to vent about how you really feel without hurting
others. I tend to only publish positive stuff, but I do also write dark stuff just to work
those things through. Everyone has dark times, it’s just how we deal with them that
matters. I used to have 3 days in a cycle of every few months or so (and still do
sometimes, especially in winter) where everything just seemed to be wrong, and
nothing seemed to help, but I knew it would only be those 3 says, so I would just keep
myself to myself and write rubbish until it worked itself through. This could have
been hormonal, as I recognised that I often had 3 day migraine periods on the other
months, and just had to accept that I needed to take tablets for those 3 days to enable
me to carry on with normal life. Writing also formulates your ideas better so that you
can communicate them to others, or so that you can plan what you want to do next.
If you feel confused about a situation or your emotions, it really can help a lot to just
write everything down, and in time you will tend to formulate an idea of which bits
really matter and which don’t, and what you could maybe do about the ones that do.
• There may also be other forms of creative output that will help ease your pain,
anything from woodwork to pottery to painting to needlework to gardening, to
making music….. you name it really. Most people benefit from having a hobby –
it tends to bring some balance to things like having to go out to work every day or
having to be around to care for someone else, for example.
If your family or colleagues do not seem to respect your views and feelings, then you
must ask for that respect, and ask for opportunities to make your input. They are
probably not doing it deliberately, nor realising how you feel. Even if you don’t know
what you want to say yet, that opportunity should be created, and then you will be more
likely to develop ideas to express, particularly as you hear others doing so, or in response
to certain topics. It might be nice to start with debates on topics that having nothing to do
with your personal situation but that you have an interest in, for example current issues in
your locality, or at work. Everyone should be allowed to introduce topics, kind of like
making an agenda.
If you find you need to look further afield to find someone to talk to, then do so, perhaps
a grandparent, a friend’s father, someone you hardly know but seem to ‘click’ with, or a
special interest group. Don’t expect those closest to you to necessarily have the skills to
be everything for you. We all have certain strengths and weaknesses, no one can do
everything well. Parents do not receive training to be parents although it is the most
important thing in the world! They just have to try to make the best of it according to
instinct, and what they can find out. Often they would be only too glad to help do things
differently if only they knew how, so asking to talk to try to gain mutual understanding
could be a huge relief to them. Ask everyone to plan to set aside time to both speak and
listen. It could help to make some notes about what you want to say, to help with clarity,
and prompt memory. We all need to take responsibility for our communication, as well
as for our actions. Perhaps as we learn more, we might even be able to help someone
else, or help the human race by finding ways of doing things a bit better in future.
You might think you are different from others, and indeed you are, but only to a certain
extent (as we are all unique, and yet we all belong to the human race). You might be
surprised to find that a lot of other people might think more like you than you imagined.
It is quite normal for a young person starting out in an adult world to feel a bit out of
place – there is so much to learn about and deal with for a start. Indeed anyone can
suddenly find themselves struggling in this way. We might have been caught up in things
and not thinking much about the meaning of stuff, and then suddenly start to question.
There is so much noise and bustle, and emphasis put on artificial and/or superficial
things. A lot of things don’t seem to make sense, including people’s behaviour. You
might think that we have got ourselves in an awful mess, but then again, if you take a
look at history you can see that we have done it before and then sorted things out again
somehow. There are lots of good things too, so we can try to focus on these while we try
to figure out the rest. We need variation and contrast in the world otherwise we would
not be able to appreciate the good stuff as everything would just be the same – boring.
Always cut yourself some slack. If you are impatient with others around you then
chances are that you are impatient with yourself too. Stop expecting so much from
everyone, including yourself – we are just humans trying to bumble along, some being
lucky enough to have more in their favour perhaps, but everyone has something to bring
to the table, so do try not to judge.
I know it is easier said than done when you are depressed, but try to find ways to focus on
the positive. Turn your thoughts away from criticising others and things around you by
simply thinking about better things. You can use affirmations in many ways.
• First thing in the morning and/or last thing at night, you could just remind yourself of
a couple of things to be grateful for – such as good weather, loving husband, helpful
teenagers, wonderful children, our good health, our job, our good looks, our specialist
skills,, etc etc.
• Anytime at all you could use affirmations to boost your own self esteem – just say
them calmly to yourself several times, for several days in a row, until you start to feel
they are true. Here are a few ideas, breathe deeply and try to FEEL them to be true.
”I am loved” (this could mean by family, partner, friends, God, or the universe, etc)
”I love” (this could be anything such as the above, or such as hugs, food, books,
music, walks, swimming, flowers, trees, cats, sunshine, rain, whatever you can think
of. Try writing down a list, and add to it every day. Draw too if you feel so inclined.
”I am lucky enough to be able to ……..” (list your skills here, and also everyday
things such as cook, drive, read and write, etc… anything that lets you go about your
life in both normal and special or unique ways.). These are also nice to do while you
are walking along, and you can add things you see around you – perhaps the bird
singing in the hedge, the blossom, the sun.
• And here are some more:
I release past fears and resentments / I am open to receive. / Life is a miraculous
gift! / I am here to learn, grow, and have fun. / I am responsible for creating my own
happiness. / I deserve to take good care of myself. / I nurture my body and feed my
soul. / I make the time to be still, and listen to the truth. / Talking it out – heals /
I express myself clearly and positively. / I forgive others and myself, and let pain go. /
I am becoming more and more of who I can be. / I am ready to move forwards.
• Affirmations must be in the present tense to be effective – not some vague distant
• There are also a lot of inspiring quotations out there – I have an inspiration page on
my website, which I regularly add to. I also include some in my books.
Do remember that is normal for people to feel down at least some of the time, just some
people hide it better or deal with it differently perhaps. I tend to think it is people who
think more deeply about life who struggle a bit more with it, perhaps because a night’s
partying doesn’t switch it off – it is not really the answer because it all seems a bit
shallow to you.
Please don’t feel bad about yourself because of it, as obviously that would make it worse
– just try to recognise the patterns and find the best ways for your unique self to deal with
it. Try to look for things you can learn from difficult situations or emotions instead of
trying to dismiss them. Allow yourself time to work things through instead of expecting
to be unrealistically ‘normal’ all the time – just ensure that you put a limit on how long
you dwell on stuff – you must move beyond it at some point – and if you let yourself
work it through fully instead of trying to ignore it, then you are more likely to do this.
Observe yourself and notice the patterns – then use your self management skills – for
example you might say, okay so this weekend I am going to just set time aside of myself
to work this situation over, and I’ll be okay by Sunday dinner time and go out for a really
nice meal (as a reward). If you need an extra day, then take Monday off work, but be
sure to return Tuesday, don’t allow this to drift. This is how you take back control, and
earn your own self respect, which is much more important than other people’s respect.
However, you do also earn other people’s respect when you take control – step back
when you need to, instead of trying to be sociable – even ask people to give you a bit of
space instead of coming round – knowing that you will be better company later on when
you are ready and be open, explain to them why instead of letting them feel rejected.
Your true friends will understand, and will also feel good if you promise to call on them
if you really need to, otherwise that you will see them when you are done. This honesty
lets them see that you are managing the situation logically, and it also sets an example to
give other people the permission to use these skills.
I should say here that it is really important to write things down as you work them
through, rather than just trying to work them out inside your head – because your mind
will tend to just get woolly and run out of steam, whereas writing it down develops
clarity, mostly because there is more of a sequence to it. There are other ways you could
do it of course, such as speaking out loud and making recordings, and listening back, then
recording again. I can’t say I’ve tried this, but I can imagine I might find myself
laughing at myself after a bit – I must try it! What I have tried though, is to pretend I am
actually having a conversation with someone, where I am both people, so I change places
and speak for each one – an amazing exercise, as not only do you work through the
situation, but you also get to understand the other point of view a bit, if you don’t just
make a parody of it – but even that would be fun.
Don’t try to speak directly with other people involved in the situation, or actually send
them a letter or email, until you have taken the heat out of your emotions and reached
some clarity about your feelings. This way you can vent without walking out of or losing
your job, or damaging your relationship (whether partner, colleague, friend, or family).
Obviously, if by the end of it you have boiled it down to a few crucial bits that need
addressing, then you can deal with it appropriately because the exaggerated emotional
response has gone and you can be clear about what you need to do or say. You should
thus be able to respectfully approach others and explain your viewpoint and ask for what
you need. If you feel a need to apologise for anything, then that is fine, but don’t be
defensive about it or dismiss the problem that way because it will only arise again, try to
be clear about your viewpoint and what steps you think need taking to remedy the
situation. As long as you are prepared to listen to other people’s viewpoints as well, then
you should expect people to consider yours. It is the only way that solutions can ever be
found that work for all parties. If there are negative things that need to be said, then you
could always soften these by also pointing out any positives – for example, “I really
appreciate that this is a great project, but do I think that we should take a different
approach to how we…….. because I feel ………..” or “I am really grateful that you want
to always do the cooking, but I would really like to sometimes have a turn. To be honest,
we do have some differences in taste, and it’s only fair that I get to choose what we eat
and prepare it the way I want to sometimes. Also on the days I cook, perhaps you could
do the dishes, instead of it always being my job – I don’t mind doing chores, but I like a
bit of variation where possible, and I would enjoy the creativity of cooking.”
You cannot progress with life if you don’t deal with the bits that really matter. If in the
clear light of day you decide you need to make some big changes, then it will also restore
your power to start making your plans gradually. Even if it is something like moving out
to your own place, or a total change of career, let the power of knowing that you need to
do it guide you so that you feel excited by new possibilities rather than daunted by the
process of getting there. If you lose steam anywhere along the way, remind yourself that
you are breaking free of a situation that you could have let yourself remain trapped in if
you hadn’t had the strength and insight to realise it, and the courage to do something
Okay so maybe there are a few ideas here that might help you start to feel more
comfortable with yourself and the world around you, and I can always help you find more
if you would like to contact me. If we can find our rightful place in the world then we are
likely to be able to banish depression and take back our personal power. Please do not be
afraid to seek it out.
As Shakespeare wrote “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day,
thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Bundle of 2 MEDITATION GUIDES is available from our GUIDES page.
Guide 1 – Information / Principles / Energy and Breath / Protection /
Grounding / Safety
12 full pages + 4 pg bonus informative book review.
Guide 2 Practice
23 full pages of techniques & examples to use from simple to advanced.
Includes some meditations for groups and for couples.
Bundle of 2 STRESS BUSTING Guides is available from our GUIDES page.
A 40+ page Guide for Stress Busting
from Stress Consultant Julia Woodman
including her TV demonstration script.
plus an additional 20+ pages of guidelines
which she uses for her workshops
with extra ideas and exercises to help you.
and see my other blog here –
Depression, Addiction, and even Weight issues can be linked to Mineral Imbalance –
for some ideas about how body chemistry might be affecting you
(including cell function, hydration, detoxification)