Nice to hear this again – just when I happened to have signed up for a CBT course.
Nice to hear this again – just when I happened to have signed up for a CBT course.
I take a holistic approach to Life and Wellbeing. Everything
is interlinked – our minds, our bodies, and our spiritual
selves. I’ve helped people of all ages, from a wide variety
of backgrounds, each with different experiences and
perspectives, and each reflecting what life is like for them.
Our beliefs, attitudes, and emotions all affect our physical
health. We can easily learn to slightly change the way we
look at things, and do things, in order to increase our sense
of wellbeing. Becoming more aware of our options gives us
huge power to then choose how we want to live.
Of course I focus on the areas people want to focus on, but it’s important to consider the
broader picture, otherwise we are in danger of just patching symptoms. We need to look
at lifestyle, work-life balance – how we treat ourselves and each other, whether or not we
are happy in our relationships and in what we are doing. All these add up to present a
picture of where we are at the present moment; and it is only by looking at the whole
spectrum that we can really get to the root of things.
This is why I’ve done a range of training – from healing, to counselling and stress relief,
to life coaching, and more. I aim to help each person find their way back to balance –
empower them to find what works for them personally, and give them the confidence and
the tools to enable them to progress as they wish.
Stress is a prime example of how distress about a situation can manifest itself in a very
physical way. We can soon see if changing the situation is a possibility, or if we can
make small changes in our approach, to help us deal with it better. Even if we choose to
stick with something challenging, we feel much more empowered, because we’ve looked
at the how’s and the why’s, then made that choice in a very aware way. We no longer
feel at the mercy of the situation and our reactive emotional responses to it. With this
clarity, things can be turned right around to become a success story.
We are all, in our way, trying to make sense of life. We can easily become caught up in a
chain of events and reactions, yet if we become aware enough to understand ourselves,
then we can take a very different, and more objective, approach to life – appreciating the
beauty and variety in it – the amazing way things work – taking our chances to be the
unique individuals we are, choosing what we wish to experience.
As a Life Coach, I can help you decide what you want to do and plan how to achieve
your goals in a very practical way. My pdf “1 step, 2 step, 3 …. Life Coaching to
help you Achieve” explains in more detail how my life coaching service works, and I
have Life Coaching Tools also available here – which give you the guidance
and the forms to use if you’d like to do this for yourself, but I can help motivate
and support you.
As a Counsellor and Stress Consultant, I can help you deal with any issues. Emotional
baggage can set you back, but I can help you let it go. We sometimes get in our own
way, allowing fears to sabotage our attempts to progress, but I can help you move on, and
feel comfortable with yourself, and others. Effective communication is vital, whether it
be at work, or with family, children, or friends. I can also help with relationships and any
changes or situations at home or at work, or with your studies.
I have written articles that cover many aspects of living holistically – about self
empowerment and self confidence, creativity, communication, parenting, and about
stimulating young children, and helping teenagers grow and develop into adults. Also
articles about dealing with depression, addiction, and stress, about sexuality and
relationships, and about our spiritual balance, and our place and purpose here on earth.
All of it is part of our life experience – of our being whole.
I also have guides such as “Confirming your Joy”, “Stress Busting”, and my Meditation
one. All are available here,
Meditation is a wonderful tool that we can integrate into our lives to give us inner
strength. We all have a connection to that still ground of being that we originate from
which gives us consciousness and life, and a fundamental sense of peace … which is also
reflected in a sunset, the surface of a lake, or the view from a mountain top. If we have
forgotten our link to this, and thus our interconnection with everyone and everything,
then we can feel very lost. Awakening to it once more is the most wonderfully joyous
feeling, like coming home into open arms, where you feel supported, and safe.
In my Blog about Loving our Bodies and our Lives, I discuss how we can love the
physical side of life, then say: “It’s more than just the physical that we can love. I
advocate total mind, body, spirit balance if you want to really make the best of life,
and give yourself every reason to love yourself, and your interaction with the world
We need to find ways to stimulate our minds, and have fun at the same time. We also
need to make life satisfying and meaningful. And we need to be creative with our lives,
as well as developing practical skills, and using our minds as tools. We should take time
to notice and enjoy details – about nature, and the world around us – about ourselves, and
how our minds and bodies work and we can learn new things, all of which enhance how
So, I encourage you to think holistically rather than putting too much emphasis on one
area try to optimise your overall life experience. Loving it all means that you cannot
help loving yourself because you are part of it.
Having spent my life doing many different things – always learning what I wanted to
know I would now love to be able to share that with you through my books, articles,
blogs, and downloads, and by working directly with those of you who contact me via
phone or email. Of course, I will continue to learn more as I go … the journey always
Julia Woodman – Life Coach, Counsellor, Stress Consultant, and Writer
Advice & Support available via phone, post, or email.
What is your relationship like with yourself? Sometimes we let ourselves down, getting sucked into destructive emotional storms, even though we can see this ultimately works against our desired objectives. Storms spew out far too much at once and thus tend to break everything down. If we lose control in this way, we lose the respect of others, and might even lose respect for ourselves.
If we can stand back from our emotions and look at them logically, we can then find ways of training our minds to handle them differently. To start with you can only do this after the event – when you are not in the midst of being caught up in the storm of emotions. Gradually though, you will learn to do it as you begin to feel the emotions rise, or even in the middle of an event, to calm you down again.
It is much more logical to NOT LOSE or GIVE AWAY the power of positive possibility, by not giving in to negative turmoil, so don’t let yourself be overwhelmed! If you do, then you are literally just giving away your power to the other people involved, or losing it to the situation itself.
So, let’s consider these affirmations to help us build up positive power and learn to keep it going for ourselves.
Could you please ensure you are sitting comfortably in a position that allows you to breathe deeply and slowly as you listen
Please try not to put up resistance to the affirmations, they are designed to help you get past blocks, and the more you listen to them the more they will help you.
Please try to listen with your eyes closed so that you are relaxed and focused. They will be read out slowly enough for you to absorb them, like a guided meditation.
If you really feel a resistance to the idea of listening, then please at least read the affirmations through to yourself. I suggest doing this several times over a period of several days, until you do feel ready to listen to them. Being relaxed and just listening will help them get through at a deeper level, when you are ready to be open to this.
I feel confident in myself as a person, to do what I need to do in life.
I do not let what other people think affect this, however I am willing to learn from valid comments, and let go of all the rest as being irrelevant.
I do not waste my power and energy on worrying about what others think, I merely reconsider my own situation honestly, and move on.
I will not become upset by criticism, or take any of it personally. I am not responsible for other people’s thoughts or needs, only for my own.
I will simply consider if there are any points worth learning from, and let go of anything else.
I do not react in a way that shuts me off from the possibility of learning.
Sometimes I accept that people are going to say things because they believe they should, and I am able to let that go, like water off a ducks back, if I feel it is not valid.
I do not let it anger me, I let it slide off, let it go.
I realize that melodrama can be addictive. It may seem exciting, but it really gets in the way of things. I therefore choose not to waste my time & energy on that, instead of progressing.
It is more important to use my time and energy to move forward with situations.
I do not allow myself to succumb to reactions that get in the way of making the best of things.
I simply breathe to let emotions go, and move on with life.
I accept that people have a right to their opinions, but they do not need to affect me, unless I think they have a valid point for me to consider.
I accept that sometimes they may even wish to help me, and I accept that sometimes this may actually be of benefit, so I don’t allow my emotions to cloud my ability to listen.
I do not allow negative emotions to get in the way of my progress.
Any judgement is gently dismissed – as if blown away on the breeze.
I will not put up resistance, I will simply let it go.
I understand that if I try to resist something it only brings negative power to the situation, when it would be better to move on to something more positive.
I do not give away my energy, and precious time, by indulging in these negatives, but turn instead to directing my energy towards the next steps.
I am focused on making something new and better.
As I breathe out, I take my attention to more positive thoughts.
I begin to see more clearly what I could do next to improve the situation, instead of being caught up in churning it over and over.
I notice the good things around me, and in my life, and smile to myself.
I can even see the good things in people more easily, and the positive potential of situations.
I know that if I can let go of irrelevant stuff and relax, I am much more able to do well.
This applies to all my relationships, as well as to situations – partner, children, friends, and even those I have to do business with.
I am also developing a better relationship with myself.
I know that I can get on well with myself and my life if I let go, rather than let myself get wound up by others.
I realize that letting others wind me up only gives them power over me, so I choose instead to keep my power for myself, and direct it to where I want it to be.
I realize that anger, resentment, and bitterness actually sabotages myself.
So I do not allow myself to shoot myself in the foot, because this is obviously illogical.
I focus on my breath instead, and calm and let go in each moment.
I consider things logically later, when I am in a safe place to do so.
I know that I have the power to be COOL, CALM, and COLLECTED and to not allow others, or situations, to affect my own best ways of managing things.
I breathe in the calmness and let it fill my body right up.
I focus on feeling it coming in with each breath.
I feel powerful and in control.
I know I can find my best way forward whatever the situation.
I trust myself to keep steady.
I allow myself to unwind whenever I need to so that I can then get on with moving forwards.
I realise that animosity and stubbornness can get in my way.
I can see that there is nothing to be achieved from arguing over a point.
It is best for me to consider things later and decide for myself how to best move forward.
I do not waste time and energy on arguing because I know it is much more important to focus that energy on moving forward positively.
I keep my eyes on the positive because this allows the negatives to just slip away.
I do not give my energy away, or allow it become scattered.
I draw on it to help me, and those close to me, to succeed and be happy.
I hold my power gently within the centre of my body.
I can use it for myself and those close to me anytime I want to.
I realise that it is better to be humble and considerate, which lets life flow, than to shout and wrestle, which only puts up resistance to life.
I do not let animosity and stubbornness arise, I simply breathe in to CALM and move on to a more positive focus.
I realize that volatile emotions are usually destructive, and I know that I do not want to destroy relationships or situations, so I breathe out to let any unwanted emotions go.
I want to give things the best chance of working out, so I direct my energy to that, and the positive things I can do.
I always remind myself to let go and calm, so that I can keep focussed.
I breathe to relax so that I can go on as positively as possible.
I CHOOSE the power of logic over the power of destruction.
I choose not to waste my energy on anger, bitterness, and fear of results, but to focus my energy on getting the good things done instead.
I choose not to waste my energy on worry either, as I realize that it is all hypothetical, so I use all the energy to ensure getting the best results.
I focus now and every day on moving things forward positively.
I know that I can do this. I trust myself to do this.
I breathe in the calmness anytime I need it, and I let go of all the negatives, so that I can be the best I can be.
I do not put undue pressure on myself though, I relax wonderfully into being my best self.
I feel power gathering in me when I breathe, filling me up and helping me to progress steadily.
I feel power, like oxygen, in every cell of my body, and smile, or nod.
The smile, or nod, switches on a light in the centre of my body, and in my head.
I feel the light filling me up too, as it flows around my head, and around my body, in my blood.
I feel that I am growing as I become more filled with light and gentle power.
I feel the strength of my self-belief expand in a calm and sure way.
Now I am easily able to let go of stuff I don’t need – anytime I want to.
I trust myself to be calm yet powerful.
Calm, DIGNIFIED power fills me, and lifts me, now, and anytime I need it.
I now understand how to conserve my personal power, as well as how to build it up.
I am now ready to begin to live in each new moment with more and more of this steady power available and able to help me.
I know that I am now able to take more and more control of my future.
I will use these affirmations regularly, because each time I do so, I will take them on at a deeper level, and become more and more able to use them consistently, and even automatically.
I feel confident in myself as a person, to do what I need to do.
By facing up to things instead of obscuring them with emotional storms, I earn more and more respect.
I know now that quiet assertion is a much better way to say what I need to say, than to get sucked into melodrama.
I am now able to focus on the important points, and communicate effectively & efficiently, instead of wasting time and energy going in circles and dragging in unnecessary stuff.
I now command & deserve respect from others, and I also have more respect for myself/
I am steady and focused as I now go about my life.
Now open your eyes and stretch or move around to ensure you are fully awake.
Have a drink of water maybe.
Discuss your impressions if you wish, or simply hold them inside you for your own reference.
Take the power with you at whatever level you are ready to choose, and return to the affirmations anytime you wish to remind yourself about them, or to take them on at deeper levels.
Note if your impressions & responses change each time you do them.
There are many more self-help tools available via our website www.radiance-solutions.co.uk
Of course, when you’re getting to know someone you really like, you pay special attention to each other and to what you do together. You go out of your way to please, perhaps you even take time out of other things that you normally do. Then you get to a stage where you feel you know each other pretty well and you start to relax, and catch up with yourself a bit. That’s fine and it works really well a lot of the time, especially if you aren’t living in each other’s pockets. But even then it can sometimes start to appear to the other that you are taking them for granted….. for example if you are paying particular attention to another new friend and expecting your longer term friend to understand that this is just because you are making the effort to be inclusive, rather than meaning to exclude them. You tend to expect them just to know that they are safe in their established role as a friend or partner, and join in accordingly. But they night not feel that confident in certain situations, and you still need to pay enough attention to realise if they need encouragement or reassurance, or they might start to feel as if you are making a special effort for everyone else except them. Children might feel similarly that their mother is being especially nice to other children, and just mean or strict with them. I think we do tend to expect those closest to us to know that they are always the most special to us, but we should realise that they might not always be confident of this, especially if you are suddenly being less attentive than you used to be. When you have been around someone a long time you also tend to act as if you think they should know how you feel about everything, but no matter how much in tune you may be, there is lots of room for misunderstanding, particularly if their awareness is hampered due to them being tired or unwell, or preoccupied with an issue or task, or if you simply didn’t explain things properly. Quite often you may well be in tune enough to know what the other is feeling, or thinking, or talking about, but we should not take this for granted and get frustrated with them if we have not been clear enough about what we mean. It can only take a very small lapse in communication to create a huge misunderstanding – for example if your wife is talking about one thing and you start talking about another thing without specifying what, she may well assume you are discussing her topic and not realise that a new one has been introduced. Then later you might be surprised to find that she is adamant that you said something you know you didn’t, or that she did not respond to something you thought you’d specifically mentioned. Things can easily be misheard too, in the noise of offloading a van for example, she might have asked you “Should we leave these?” and you replied “Yes” because you thought she asked “Do we need these?” only to find that she has now left them behind. Try not to be too annoyed, just try next time to be more specific…. For example she could have said “Should we leave the box and the tape in the van?” or you could have said “Yes, I want everything upstairs, then at least she would have realised that you had misheard her first question. When we are busy, too often we are doing things at the same time as talking, so you can’t always hear if someone is walking away from you for example. It is useful to stop and do a checklist with each other at some point – “have we got everything now?” for example – and go through the list. Try to leave time for such checks as they often save a lot of time and/or trouble in the long run. Couples obviously tend to be around each other quite a lot, and even though you have chosen this situation, it can certainly be quite challenging to remain amicable. Humour helps, but it has to be real humour for both parties, the kind of stuff that lets things wash off, not a humour that masks bitterness or pain, as can sometimes be the case. You do need breaks from each other, time with other friends, time to pursue personal interests, and lots of trust to allow each other the freedom to do their own thing. Ideally you want to support the other in doing what they want to do, in being themselves, but that doesn’t necessarily mean tagging along! Often people try to cling or control, or just butt in when perhaps they shouldn’t. Something else to watch out for here, is that things should work both ways, each should be given roughly equal support and leeway. A girl shouldn’t expect to go off with her mates and then complain when it is her fellow’s turn. A wife shouldn’t end up feeling that she gives way more support to her husband than she gets in return, or that he sees her as providing a certain role. If things do get out of balance we need to remind ourselves that we are responsible for making our own choices, so if we don’t speak up about it then we can’t complain if things don’t change…. We need to take the initiative to discuss it and ask for more help for example, or say that you will be doing less as you need the time to get on with some of your own stuff, for example, or that you need more rest. Everyone has a right to ask for consideration. I am not saying we all have to do things equally, obviously it often makes sense for one to do more of what one is best at, or to do more of one thing for example so that the other can get on with something they have a special skill for – it’s like a trade off – if I do the cooking and the dishes, you do the DIY. If one is earning more income from going out to work then it makes sense for the other to do more at home, and it may swing the other way next time. One person’s career should not be seen to be more important than the other’s unless you both agree that this is the case, each should be allowed the time to devote to this, and anything in your life that helps create a sense of personal fulfilment. Sometimes we might agree that one has priority for example if they earn a lot more for their time, but careers are not just about money, they are also about self worth and validation, and helping other out too, so this all needs to be taken into account. Obviously finances can be a tricky area – but if we are working as a team, then it is a team effort really too, so if the man earns a lot more perhaps he will agree that it makes sense for him to cover more of the costs, but that she will do more of the home chores for example – or if we are both earning then when we go out we should each pay a share. A woman should not just expect the bloke to pay! Fights for rights have been no bad thing but sometimes they have pushed us too far the other way, or confused us a bit – women who tend to want to be everything can end up stressing themselves out trying to prove that they can, when often it is better to make some logical choices. These are all things we need to discuss in detail with our partners as we all have our personal views and needs. It is not a woman’s fault if society still tends to deem that she earn less.
|By the way, I think that it is good to involve children to some degree in discussions that involve who does what or how the bills get paid. I don’t think we need go into a lot of detail, but I don’t think we should shield them from reality – or they will get a fright later on when they are suddenly faced with everything at once. I also think that is much better for them to understand how decisions are made, otherwise they might make dreadful assumptions – for example thinking that one parent is treated badly by the other when that isn’t actually the case as you have agreed to do things a certain way for certain reasons that seem good and obvious to you, but that they might never have thought of. They might think that a parent is a failure because they left a job for example if it isn’t explained that this was a choice that was made on purpose and why. They might think that one parent is ‘bad’ and the other ‘good’ simply because they know about some things and not about others. Later when they find out that there was actually more of a balance than they thought, they can then end up feeling guilty for having judged in the first place – even though they could not have known any better. Hopefully we learn to let things go as we mature – there just isn’t anything good about holding onto resentment or guilt. Hopefully our young people will eventually realise that being parents is a huge learning curve!|
Couples should ideally be friends as well as partners, and so have the potential to make a very good team, or functional unit – and so focus on communicating properly with each other from this point of view as well as on the more personal and intimate levels. Relationships based just on physical attraction can be pretty emotionally explosive, but then so can any relationship if we let things slip. Good communication is essential really, otherwise how can you work anything out together? I think no matter how good we might think we are at getting along, we always need to be careful, keep reviewing things, make sure we are treating each other with fairness, respect, and kindness. Sometimes it’s a good thing to remind ourselves when we feel tempted to criticize, that we also do silly things. “Do not judge lest ye be judged” is always a good quote to bear in mind. Couples and friends need to be tolerant of each other – not expect too much – we are all human, with human foibles, idiosyncrasies, and imperfections. We all get tired and tetchy sometimes, or forgetful, or locked into something we are focused on. Don’t expect your partner or friend to always be attentive and tuned into your needs, take the responsibility to stand up for yourself if you think there is something they are forgetting, but try to do it at an appropriate time, when they are likely to be able to listen properly. There is no need to be upset or take it personally, just remind them, or just do what needs doing if they are really too busy, and hope that they do the same for you when you forget something. There is nothing even to forgive, we are all innocent, bumbling along, having a try at life and love, and mistakes are bound to be made. [Obviously this is very different from someone deliberately deceiving – all we need is to be honest with each other, and love will keep us wanting to go on trying.] Yes, when you are really close up to someone you tend to notice all their ‘faults’ – but are they really faults? We all have them – they are just the way we are – yes we can all learn to improve our ways, but we are all on the way all the time, we never become perfect, except in the sense of being perfectly human, warts and all. Other mis-communications are omitting to explain something, for example, “I can’t do that job yet because I need the builder to finish the trimming before I can know the right measurements” will stop her wondering why he won’t get on with it. However, she also needs to remember that she shouldn’t expect him to get on with it, as he is bound to have his reasons. We also shouldn’t expect people to do things perfectly – they will simply do as they can. No one can do everything perfectly, and sometimes they may not be feeling well, or might be in a rush to get on to something else. Our priorities are different, so it can be good to explain for example “I’m going to have to make the dinner a bit later as I really need to finish this first”, or we could ask “Would you mind making dinner tonight as I’m really busy with……” and not just expect them to work it out for themselves. There is no good reason to start feeling contempt and disrespect for our nearest and dearest – if you love them, just accept them for who they are, and hope that they do the same for you. Try to accentuate the positive, giving praise as often as you can. We are all like children really, responding well if we are praised, and inclined to give up if we are knocked down too much. Be nice to each other, nurture what you have, appreciate it. Don’t be lazy, don’t let it drift, as that is when you do get into trouble. Keep being clear about the specialness, or risk losing it. Keep being clear about how you communicate and express how you feel, so that you can keep on working things out together. If you get lazy about communication this can start to cause huge problems and a build up of resentment. Don’t sit back and let poisons seep in, keep on top of things. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself when needed. Be true to yourself and step up to the mark for the good of the team. Love and trust and mutual respect are the gifts we have – don’t chuck them away, make the effort to keep things going as well as they possibly can.
| Other Communication Points:
So, if we pay attention to our communication, hopefully contempt will not arise, and we will be able to enjoy our familiar relationships as a continual blessing instead. It can be a good idea to regularly do a little reality check to remind ourselves of this.
by Julia Woodman
Peace comes from within. “Peace is Power!” Even when we know about all the ugly stuff that goes on in the world, Peace is Power is still the best response!
I understand that ’Namaste’ means something like ’the god in me recognises and/or honours the god within you’. The word God can mean whatever you believe it to mean, for me it is the conscious stream of life from which we all come, and to which we can stay connected throughout our lives as a source of peace, wisdom, love, support, knowing, inspiration, vitality, security, balance, and inner strength.
I think that awareness is paramount, because in awareness we gain understanding, which then enables us to regain our feeling of empowerment. We need to feel empowered to make our choices consciously, about how to deal with things in life, rather than reacting in fear (which tends to make us blind and weak).
If we are aware in such a way, we can be realistic yet positive, and we can properly focus our intentions. This will help us deal with pretty much any emotions, events, changes or plans. It will even help us to deal with mental or physical health issues
Awareness can be quite sensual (which can add to your sense of feeling empowered). Think about how your body moves as you live your life, how amazing it is; think about nature, observe the intricate beautiful details of natural things, and of things we create (including tapestries & garments, pottery, art, poetry & stories, music, dinners & other meals, woodwork & metalwork, buildings, inventions, plantations & gardens, etc). Breathe deeply to soak it all in and feel great.
Focus on the taste of food, the feel of textures in cloth, the feel of your partner’s hand in yours; smell the sea breeze, listen to the wind in the trees, witness the colours of the leaves, the children playing; the kind gestures of family & friends, and be thankful for this life we are experiencing – this life we can all help to keep wonderful.
Feel the wonder of being alive flood into you anytime you want, by taking a deep breath and letting the experience of these things fill you up. You can give yourself a great boost by doing this anytime you want, even just by remembering the details.
We all have that same stream of life within us, so you are a part of everything. Each one of us has the power to make a difference to everything. Breathe in that vital connection to the life source and sensual beauty everywhere. Feel loved and strong enough, and you will have the confidence to deal with pretty much anything.
Julia Woodman – Radiance-Solutions –
Life Coaching, Counselling, and Personal Development –
Help, support & advice available by phone and email
Life Coaching can help you plan the details of what you want to do and how to achieve these goals.
My service has also helped people decide what it is they actually might want to do.
Counselling can help you sort out any issues that might be getting in your way.
I also have many more personal development tips and tools available to help support you
They will offer you inspiration, and add to your sense of security, balance, and wellbeing.
They will boost your awareness and help you focus your intentions towards fulfilment.
However, the above idea, if used regularly, will help you well on your way to being able to