Category Archives: Self Esteem

CHOICES from Childhood through Maturity to Old Age

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When we are very young we do not have a lot of choices because parents, teachers, etc tend to tell us what to do. We need guidance as we mature, and gradually we are given more choices.

Growing up can sometimes feel hard. often perhaps because we are not yet ready for the sense of responsibility that comes with making choices. Perhaps also we do not feel we have been given enough background knowledge to enable us to make good choices. We could arguably always feel short of confidence due to this, but there is no complete answer to getting this right, one just has to start finding out for ones self somewhere along the line. We have to accept that even making choices that turn out to be mistakes are still part of our learning and maturing. We can get help from researching information, talking to friends, counsellors even, but at the end of the day the time comes for us to make our choices for ourselves, without anyone telling us what to do any more.

We often forget that it might not matter very much if some of our choices are ’wrong’, in fact they might not be ’wrong’ in actuality, but have given us the opportunity to try something out and learn from it.

We tend to beat ourselves up if we make mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes! If we judge ourselves harshly, does this mean that we also treat our family and friends this way? If we pour scorn on others, they will tend to walk away, so why pour scorn on yourself – you have to live with yourself – so try to be understanding of your own ways.

Often there is no blindingly obvious ’right’ or ’wrong’ choice – we may have to try out the options anyway, and be patient with ourselves. This is just all part of life, maturing further. We never stop learning really.

If you feel stuck in a place and a job you are not that happy with, then the worst thing you can do is dwell on thoughts about how unhappy you are. One thing is for certain, the more you tell yourself you are unhappy, the more you will be! The best thing to do is to focus on the positives – for example – the area is cheap to live in and the job pays well, therefore you can save a lot for whatever you might want to do next.

So, this means you are making a choice. You have decided to be there and do this job for the meantime at least, and you can review this choice any time you want to see if it is still the best choice for that time. You have identified why it is the best choice for now, so now you can focus on trying to decide what exactly it might be that you want to do next. Again, internet research, talking to people, etc, can provoke ideas. Surely it is better to stick something out until you know what you want to do next, rather than just drift off, or walk away in anger, with no options in place?

There is no need to be manic about trying to find answers, sometimes it takes time. Meanwhile, we can also find hobbies that help keep us interested, stimulated, active, etc. We can look at our diets too and ensure that we are well balanced and healthy – obtaining all the vitamins and minerals we need to keep us optimally functioning. A lack of something can cause all sorts of issues, often including physical and mental lethargy. It is harder to get everything we need these days from a simple diet as our soil has become depleted and our environment polluted, so sometimes we need to keep topped up, and we also need to keep well hydrated so that our bodies can detoxify properly.

Being able to turn something around from feeling stuck in negative reactive thinking about your situation, to the fact that you have made certain choices and why, is very empowering.

Once you feel better about yourself, you will be more able to see the path ahead, and plan positively for it. You may not be so sure that what you studied at uni, for example, is the line you want to go on working in, but perhaps there is a path slightly off centre to that which would suit you. Perhaps you know somewhere deep down that all your received teaching is not necessarily one hundred percent correct, so perhaps you might want to investigate the anomalies further? Perhaps your role in life is to shed new light on a topic. You don’t have to stop doing research just because you finished uni – one’s whole life could be regarded as research if you want – research, then experimenting via experience, then further development from what you learn.

You can share things you discover, or even just think about, via all sorts of media, publications, talks, through writing songs, just networking. There is a whole world of people out there interested in listening.

Curiosity is one of man’s greatest instincts. Many other instincts underpin our survival, but curiosity spurs evolution. Without it we become stagnant, like a blocked stream. But with it, we are able to keep moving, have the energy to consider change, be alive to our choices.

Awareness and intention are both necessary to enable us to understand our situation and then formulate what our choices might be, and the reasoning behind them. This means that we do have to think about our situation, but we must not allow ourselves to dwell on it in a negative way as this produces a downward spiral. We need to be a little detached if we can, try to look at it logically rather than too emotionally. If we pretend we are looking at someone else’s life perhaps, this should reduce the emotional content. However, when looking at possible new choices, we need to have the emotion back in. We need to know what excites us, what feels like a poor option, what seems logical yet is not inspiring enough, what feels intuitively right. (You can do this by writing things into columns, scoring things, drawing brain storming diagrams, etc. You can do it alone, or you can do it with friends.)

If you still feel stuck then you probably need a boost – maybe it’s a shortage of some mineral, maybe you need a holiday in the sun, or some work experience of a different nature in your ’spare’ time. Maybe you need to travel and discover some totally different place, with different perspectives on life, to reawaken your sense of adventure.

In the prime of your life you should have the energy to follow your inspiration, and even to find that inspiration again if it has become lost somewhere – under a pile of old books perhaps, or under your desk or carpet at work, or perhaps you chucked it out by mistake along with an old relationship. Claim it back, it’s yours! No amount of disappointment should douse its flames. Let go of the other stuff you don’t need – any sourness or guilt about an old relationship, or a job, or family issues – and reclaim what you do need in order to move on. Forgive past stuff and let it go, holding onto it only hurts you. Forgive others, but also forgive yourself. Be grateful for what good you did get out of it, even if it was just a lesson, and then turn your face forwards and head on up the road. Now be grateful for the things you do have right now, and the chance to move towards fresh choices.

You are a unique being come here to live on earth. Find out what it is you really want to do and journey onwards. Remember that our earth is here to support you in many ways – keep grounded and balanced by connecting with it, and try not to harm it. Remember the universe is there to support you too, reflecting the fullness of your true being, and deepening your sense of knowing who you are. Being in touch with the world around you helps keep you steady as well as aware. Use your intuition to filter the stream of information. so that what you glean is knowledge that is right for you, rather than just swallowing whatever you are fed. Always remember that you have the power to choose.

Having a family is a very big choice to make, and too often we just fall into it without the committment that it takes. It is your choice of course to take the proper precautions until you feel you are both ready.

As always we have to realise that choices we make on behalf of our children will not necessarily always be ’right’, we can only try our best. It is better to have some experience of the world first, try out a few things, so that we have got to a place of some balance within ourselves.

Even so, there is so much room for misunderstanding in a relationship, especially one that is focused on the kids. We have to not blame each other for stuff, choices we made along the way, and try to understand and respect each other’s points of view. People often feel trapped by commitment, but often it is not the relationship itself, but outside things like having to move country, not being able to give up your job because of having to provide security for the family, etc. It may be more constrained, but there are always still choices, you just have to discuss stuff properly as friends, and work primarily as a team. It is important to be honest about how you feel, but fair, taking into account also how the other feels. As ever you should try to focus on the good things instead of the negatives, find the things to be grateful for, especially in each other.

It is very sad sometimes that the best choice seems to be to split up again, but that is still better than suffocating each other slowly if you have grown too far apart to resolve things. If you love (or have loved) someone, you would surely prefer to set them free than to go on being a cause (or perceived cause) of hurt to them. It is no good clinging together because of fear of how you will manage, as that will only end up causing more resentment. Once you know you have to make the choice, you will find ways to manage.

As we become older we are hopefully even less tied to the world out there in some ways. We may be able to be more free in our choice of what we do for example. If we are lucky, we may not need to put up with other people telling us what to do too much anymore. We may have more time to talk with people, to find out details about things, such as how the world really works, and we may have more time to share what we have learned. We can be more detached from what goes on, so we can see the bigger picture more easily.

We don’t have dependents anymore, so we have less to lose, thus fear is less likely to stop us from saying what we think and doing what we see fit to do, although obviously we won’t get too cranky. We can choose to accept people and situations for what they are, or we can still choose to make changes. Either way, by this time we figure that we must be about as informed and experienced as we are likely to be, so we accept full responsibility for our choices, and consequently tend to be more at peace.

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Be The Best You For The New Year

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I wrote this blog for another website this time last year, so I can share it here now.  The fact that I wrote it for another site, accounts for the different sort of tone than I normally use, please forgive me for that, try to look at it as a bit of fun, and do please let me know what you think!

Okay, so right from the start I will ask you to bear with me as I am going to be a bit tough here. It’s to get the best out of you – for your own good – IF you really want to be the best you. [Actually it’s not hard work, it’s just the concepts that may be challenging.]

So I want you to promise me that if I say something that really pulls a chord within you, don’t throw your hands up – give yourself a chance – take it as an opportunity to help yourself learn and grow! Delight in your ability to take on something that really matters – your responsibility to yourself – delight in the challenge.

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Now, I’m not saying anybody’s ever going to be ‘perfect’ – I’m certainly not! All we can do is be the best we know how to be, and aim to keep moving forward with that as we learn more how we can do that. The concept of ‘perfection’ is misleading in itself because to be perfectly human simply means just to be human – to accept yourself as you are – but from there on in, to strive to be truly, fully, that which you are, more and more completely, so that you can enjoy life in all it’s abundance, utterly.

I doesn’t mean saying “This is me, put up with it!”. It does mean getting to that place where you can say “Yeah, this is me – this is how I feel good in myself – and this is how I can feel happy to go out in the world. This is the me I want to share, with all my skills, caring, strength, unique characteristics, etc.

So take a deep breath, and promise yourself that you are going to reward yourself with this good feeling. You are not going to be puffed up with artificial pride and pretend that you are above others though – you are going to be humbly at peace with yourself. You are going to accept the full flow of joy in your life, which is balanced because it goes both ways – you show yourself to life and to the world, and life and the world show themselves to you – it is all quite natural.

Even if things get tricky, you are not going to give up and be a baby – you are going to take a bit of space for yourself to accept the beautiful life stream deeply into yourself, to renew, boost, strengthen, and calm you. As you breathe, feel it flowing into your heart from everywhere around you, the earth, the universe. It flows in through all parts of your body and lifts you up to a higher frequency.

Allow yourself to rest in this while you take stock – as you start to steady, ask for understanding and inspiration to flow into you along with the energy – and look for what you can learn from the situation, which will then show you how to move ahead again and deal with things.

Now I want you to get yourself past blocks that might be limiting you. You have learned things in your childhood and from your experiences that have coloured your views so that you don’t see the full picture. You have formed judgements and beliefs based on limited teachings and viewpoints. That’s nobody’s fault – it’s just one of those things that happens due to the very nature of our vulnerability – it’s just something we have to realise and grow past. So now I want you to open up to the possibility that things could be different. You aren’t going to let these limitations block you from being who you fully can be – are you?

I want you to realise that this is the same for everybody at some point, but people manage to get beyond it – some more easily than others – but really it is just a matter of not holding on to things that aren’t helping you. Once you recognise what your blocks are, you can release them – because you know they don’t really belong to you and to where your life is going now. Or you can do it the easy way and just decide to be open to all possibilities, decide to just not accept limitations, because you are the best person to know who you really can be if you just let go and allow life to welcome you.

Who wants to be limited by the thoughts of others? So take on your own responsibility for what you believe your reality to be. Do you really believe you should be limited in your journey of discovering who you really can be? NO! Then be true to yourself – find out what you REALLY feel, who you REALLY are.

You aren’t a child anymore – you should not expect to be molly-coddled by others – you should stand up & earn your right to be truly loved – not pandered to because people are afraid you might sulk or get stroppy – but loved for being your honest self. If you were spoilt as a child then don’t let that go on spoiling your life – let go of the belief that everything should go your way, and learn a bit of give and take. If you try to manipulate people then they will treat you with equal disrespect. Grow up – this is me and you here – you’re an adult now – and adults should not be spoilt brats.

Adults go on learning for themselves, instead of depending on others – they learn how to go on growing into themselves – into the people they truly should be.

They expand into the largeness of all the fascinating possibilities that life offers, the opportunities to learn, and to be a magnificently fulfilled human being. When you become yourself, as you gently grow into each moment as more and more of who you can be, then you are opening yourself up completely to love and life in all its forms – beauty, abundance, meaningfulness, balanced relationships….. and so much more.

It is honestly all your choice to either:

  1. Pretend to be something or someone else, constantly having to pull more tricks out of the box to impress or try to cover up lies, always desperately hoping that your house of cards won’t fall down just yet, but sick inside because deep down you know that it will one day. Then you will probably lose all the meaningless things you have hoarded.
  2. Not bother with any attempt at becoming yourself, just muddling through by playing all sorts of games, such as blaming others and thus trying to manipulate them through guilt, or acting like some sort of helpless victim and thus trying to force others into helping because they feel sorry for you. You are probably also leaning on some sort of addictions here, to try to hide your fright from even yourself, your feeling of not being able to cope with the realities of life. (There are a whole host of addictions other than just drink & drugs by the way, count in gratuitous sex or violence, excessive food or sleep, gambling of course, high speeds and risk taking, and anything else that gives you a temporary but meaningless thrill, or that just numbs you..)
  3. Drop the falsehoods and become you. Along with this you will drop all fears of losing control, or of being discovered as a fraud, or as a useless waste of space, so you will go out into the world and find it coming to greet you in such an amazing way. It will provide you with all that you need to show up for yourself and those around you as a valid, useful, reliable, understanding, fair, warm, loveable human being.

It is in your power to be a balanced, happy person – if you are prepared to take on truth. Truly – you have the power to be wonderful. So let’s get together – imagine I am there with you, asking you:

  1. What’s stopping you?
  2. Why are you letting it?
  3. What are you going to do about it?

Deep down you know the answers. Learn to listen to this voice from the heart of your very being, and trust it. This is your best ever guide.

If you used to believe that you had to do things in certain ways to get what you wanted – then let go of that belief now. You feel light as all that complicated weight falls away. All you have to do is find out who the true you is, and be that. You don’t need to manipulate or control anything. You don’t need to be afraid of being found out. Just be yourself, honestly, openly, and the world will respond to you more positively.

Bring the energy of the universe and the earth into your body – tell yourself that it is supporting you – just as it does others who are being true to themselves – and that is the only support you really need. Of course family and friends, and even colleagues, will be supportive too – as they recognise you becoming at last the true you, they will feel more love and generosity towards you, and they may even look to you as an example. They will reflect your inner light and respond to your lightness of being in more natural and open ways. The new you will be greeted by the world in a new way. People’s response to you reflects back to you who you are now.

Greet this new year with an open face and an open heart – you know that you have the power to keep expanding. It’s easy once you have started! Your sense of peace increases as your self-knowledge and self-acceptance increases. Your strength comes from honestly knowing yourself and always aiming to be the best that you can be.

Don’t make empty resolutions about this or that external little thing – make one huge resolution to give yourself to yourself. Then everything else will quite effortlessly fall into place.

Oh – and don’t ever get angry with yourself for past idiocies – laugh them off. Don’t hold onto them or they only harm you – just acknowledge them briefly so that you have learned something from the mistake, then let them go and move beyond. So laugh, thank yourself for noticing the silliness, then surrender all the stuff that you don’t need any more – feel lighter as you let it go. Exactly the same applies to others – don’t blame anyone for anything, just surrender it and move on. Now you are wiser, you can handle things differently. Don’t be arrogant about it though, or believe me, the universe will throw tests at you. Surrender the misleading desires of your ego along with the rest of it – it doesn’t matter what anyone else does or thinks, it is what you do yourself that shows up who you are being in each moment. We all make slip-ups – just forgive, whether it is yourself or others, or both, and journey on towards your next best self.

Clear out things you don’t want, mentally, emotionally, and actual physical clutter. Clear the space for new things to grow, like weeding the garden to provide space for new seeds, and to give the plants you do want to keep the best chance to flourish, blossom, provide food for body, heart, and soul.

Trust your instinct to know the answers to your own questions, and what to do next. Energise your life – unlock your skills and abilities. Step out of the shadows, release binds, and clear blocks – like false beliefs, blame, guilt, anger, self-sabotage, doubt. There is no room for indecision if you are clear about what you want.

Write notes to yourself to help you clarify your aims, and clear your head. Set plans in place to take easy breezy steps towards your goals. Don’t be distracted or allow yourself to get confused or side-tracked. What you do must feel right and true to you. Don’t accept less than what you seek. Make a list of your values and tick them off as you confirm that you are living by them. Love your life – and it helps to keep humour alive.

Live joyfully. Be your own best friend, but be a friend to others too, and don’t be afraid to ask them to be friends for you. Even if you end up being the strong one, helping out, or giving advice when asked – you shouldn’t have to be an island – you deserve to have a happy band of people around to help you too.

You don’t need crutches to lean on once you start this journey properly. You don’t ever need to hide or play games either – you can look the world right in the eye, be honest with yourself as well as with everyone else.

As your patterns clarify into a true representation of who you are – life will recognise this and reflect your abundantly graceful way of BEING right back to you.

It is exhilarating to liberate yourself. You won’t be allowing yourself to be suppressed or limited any more. You won’t feel sapped of energy any more. You will become aligned with whatever holds real meaning for you. You will take care of yourself, not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way, in order to optimise your whole being – good nutrition, exercise, good breathing, positive thinking – because you are all the time learning more about yourself, and how to avoid negative spirals, and things you don’t want in your life.

You are the only one who can limit yourself, so just don’t allow it to happen.

Always expand your being, do what works best for you – breathe – expand your energy. Use the ideas in here for renewing and inspiring yourself (and I can offer you many more ideas if you want to take it further). Stretch yourself.

Don’t wait – start now. Welcome your new life in – stand tall. Open your heart and your eyes – you already have all that it takes – to be really alive. Shine on you crazy diamonds!

We have guides, and life coaching packs available for your own use at –

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

including how to use consciousness expanding tools such as meditation.

The life coaching packs include all 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle –

How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all the FORMS to assist you.

Link to blog on Positive Mind and Body Talk (Intention II)

See my articles – An Holistic approach to Loving our Bodies and our Lives

and Respecting your Body and choosing sound relationships

 

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What a ride it’s gonna be!

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How we can feel peaceful and empowered enough to deal with almost anything

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Peace comes from within. “Peace is Power!” Even when we know about all the ugly stuff that goes on in the world, Peace is Power is still the best response!

I understand that ’Namaste’ means something like ’the god in me recognises and/or honours the god within you’. The word God can mean whatever you believe it to mean, for me it is the conscious stream of life from which we all come, and to which we can stay connected throughout our lives as a source of peace, wisdom, love, support, knowing, inspiration, vitality, security, balance, and inner strength.

I think that awareness is paramount, because in awareness we gain understanding, which then enables us to regain our feeling of empowerment. We need to feel empowered to make our choices consciously, about how to deal with things in life, rather than reacting in fear (which tends to make us blind and weak).

If we are aware in such a way, we can be realistic yet positive, and we can properly focus our intentions. This will help us deal with pretty much any emotions, events, changes or plans.  It will even help us to deal with mental or physical health issues

Awareness can be quite sensual (which can add to your sense of feeling empowered). Think about how your body moves as you live your life, how amazing it is; think about nature, observe the intricate beautiful details of natural things, and of things we create (including tapestries & garments, pottery, art, poetry & stories, music, dinners & other meals, woodwork & metalwork, buildings, inventions, plantations & gardens, etc). Breathe deeply to soak it all in and feel great.

Focus on the taste of food, the feel of textures in cloth, the feel of your partner’s hand in yours; smell the sea breeze, listen to the wind in the trees, witness the colours of the leaves, the children playing; the kind gestures of family & friends, and be thankful for this life we are experiencing – this life we can all help to keep wonderful.

Feel the wonder of being alive flood into you anytime you want, by taking a deep breath and letting the experience of these things fill you up.  You can give yourself a great boost by doing this anytime you want, even just by remembering the details.

We all have that same stream of life within us, so you are a part of everything.  Each one of us has the power to make a difference to everything.  Breathe in that vital connection to the life source and sensual beauty everywhere.  Feel loved and strong enough, and you will have the confidence to deal with pretty much anything.

Julia Woodman – Radiance-Solutions –
Life Coaching, Counselling, and Personal Development –
Help, support & advice available by phone and email

Life Coaching can help you plan the details of what you want to do and how to achieve these goals.
My service has also helped people decide what it is they actually might want to do.

Counselling can help you sort out any issues that might be getting in your way.

I also have many more personal development tips and tools available to help support you
They will offer you inspiration, and add to your sense of security, balance, and wellbeing.
They will boost your awareness and help you focus your intentions towards fulfilment.
However, the above idea, if used regularly, will help you well on your way to being able to
face anything.

Don’t allow Depression to subdue your Personal Power

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You are a unique being, here on earth to experience life.  It is up to you what you make of
that life.  If you find a way to be your true self then that will give you a deep sense of
personal power.  There are many things you might like to find out about to help you
achieve this, so plenty to keep you busy!

If depression is getting in the way, don’t despair, there are many things you can do to
take back control.  It isn’t all about medication and counselling, although it is of course
always highly recommended to see your doctor and discuss options.  Also bear in mind,
that some people do have misconceptions about counselling – it is not a huge mystery –
it is just a chance to talk with a professionally trained person who is detached from your
situation and can therefore help you obtain a different perspective on it and hopefully
understand better what you might need to do to help yourself move forwards.

You can also look at your lifestyle to ensure you are getting enough sleep, exercise, and a
balanced diet, for starters.  It’s really important to give ourselves the best chance for
recovery by taking care of all aspects of ourselves.

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• Shortage of certain minerals can be linked to depression (look for my article about
this, or use a kinesiologist to test you for shortages).  Basically if you are short of
something (which can easily happen for many reasons) then your body and brain may
not have the right chemical balance to function properly.  So if this is the case, then it
can easily be addressed and will help you enormously.

• Lack of daylight hours or sunlight can also be a cause, and these days you can get
supplements to help with that, or use special lighting to emulate the sunlight.  This
can make a huge difference to your brain function.  Consider this especially if you are
living in more northern latitudes, or if you have moved country.  It can take a lot of
time to adjust to the seasons and ways of a new country anyway.

• Teenagers do need more sleep than adults, but only a bit more, so it’s okay to rest on
weekends for example if you are up early during the week, but don’t get sucked into
sleeping all day as that tends to make things worse.  Try to plan things for yourself to
do and so set times by which you have to be up.  If you have been sleeping too much,
then addressing this by setting some limits and routines can help a lot.  You tend to
feel better about yourself anyway if you are not just lazing around all the time.  I
know it can be hard to be motivated if you are not working for example, but try to
make lists of things you can do, find hobbies, be creative, help others.  There is so
much interesting stuff in the world, and the internet can help us find out about almost
anything, so it seems crazy to allow ourselves to be sucked into games all the time –
try to break any addiction to playing day after day, and to any other addictions that
might have too much power over you.  A life coaching plan can help you approach
this ­ if you want to ask me about this, just email.

• Teenagers also tend to have more difficulty going to sleep if they go to bed too early,
so plan your sleeping hours to suit, but bear in mind that you may have to make
allowances for others in the home, so if you need to negotiate things promise to be
considerate, and that will help.

• Plan what you eat to suit you too, different types of people need different food types,
and also some days we need to eat more than others, so listen to your body’s needs.  I
don’t mean eat chocolate and junk food, I mean healthy things obviously.  But some
people need a lot of protein for example, and some people get most of their vitamins
from fruit, whereas for others it may be better to focus on vegetables.  A lot of people
do not get on well with wheat or dairy products, this does not necessarily mean you
have a huge reaction, it may just mean you feel a bit bloated or full of catarrh.  We all
need a certain amount of carbohydrate, but sometimes we really overdo it.  If there
are a lot of colds going round, it is good to keep strong to fight them off by eating a
bit extra of what seems really good for you, and if you already have a cold, the same
applies.  I tend to want salty things like anchovies, along with salad such as lettuce,
and avocado, and even olives (which I don’t normally like).

• Energy management is something we often forget.  I used to stay up all night painting
when I was first living on my own, and felt great for a bit, but then it caught up with
me, and I was not just tired, but down.  These days I manage my energy better, says
she, now writing this article at 2.30am, but I did get a sleep this­afternoon, honest.  (I
needed the rest then after working in a hospital most of the day.)  Also, sometimes we
have to say no to things or even to visitors so that we can conserve our energy for
something we have to do later for example.

• Drinking enough water helps to move toxins out of your system.  There is no other
drink that works as a substitute for water except herbal teas (not infusions), with no
sugar added.

• Exercise also helps to get rid of toxins, and of course stress too.  You might like to 
consider some of the more unusual things to find something that really works for you.
You might like something that tests particular skills, such as rock climbing, or might
want more overall stretching and balance, like Yoga.  Martial arts are very holistic.
Or perhaps you could help someone elderly or unwell by taking their dog for a walk?

• If you are putting too much stress on your body with drink and smoking or other
substances, then perhaps you can find help to reduce that, as they will take their toll.
Mineral imbalance can be a factor in addiction too (refer to my first point).

• If you still need help with depression, then yes, a counsellor can help, but be sure to
choose one that is not going to dwell on negative stuff for too long.  They do need to
get a proper understanding of your situation, which includes looking at all the things
that might be challenging you, but then they should help you to move forwards
positively.  If things aren’t going the way you think they should, then do say so.
Any professional should be willing and able to change their approach if needed.
If not, then change your professional.  This is your life, it is too important to just let
things ride.

• Sometimes a life coach may be more help to look at forward planning to achieve
goals.  I can send you planning sheets and guidance notes by email if you request
them, and let me know what you are aiming to achieve.

• If you are not sure what you want to do with life yet, or have become confused or
diverted, then I have a method that can help you intuitively tap your subconscious to
discover your true interests, so contact me by email to ask me to send you my
instructions for doing this.  I have even helped mothers decide what they want to do
when their kids have grown up, as this can sometimes seem like an empty time.

• Or you might benefit from more therapeutic help, such as healing sessions.  You can
find pretty much anything you need via the internet.

• We all need to find a balance of mind, body, and spirit, to be complete in ourselves,
so you may be seeking answers for spiritual questions, to help you make sense of life.
(If this is the case, then do take a look at some of my spiritual and nature related
articles.  They might help open up a whole new perspective.)

• There are many tools like meditation which can really help you find the balance to
cope with life.  In fact they can be fully integrated with your life.

• Communication can be an issue for anyone, and I have written about that too, from
the perspectives of parents, children, young people, adults, friends, partners, and work
situations – so I hope that some of this might be of help.

• If your depression or emotions make you feel as if you can’t talk to anyone, then
often writing can be an alternative, whether it be letters, poems, songs, or anything
else.  This tends to release the emotions, and you can end up seeing things a bit more
clearly then too.  You can even write really nasty things and then just throw them
away afterwards, but it allows you to vent about how you really feel without hurting
others.  I tend to only publish positive stuff, but I do also write dark stuff just to work
those things through.  Everyone has dark times, it’s just how we deal with them that
matters.  I used to have 3 days in a cycle of every few months or so (and still do
sometimes, especially in winter) where everything just seemed to be wrong, and
nothing seemed to help, but I knew it would only be those 3 says, so I would just keep
myself to myself and write rubbish until it worked itself through.  This could have
been hormonal, as I recognised that I often had 3 day migraine periods on the other
months, and just had to accept that I needed to take tablets for those 3 days to enable
me to carry on with normal life.  Writing also formulates your ideas better so that you
can communicate them to others, or so that you can plan what you want to do next.
If you feel confused about a situation or your emotions, it really can help a lot to just
write everything down, and in time you will tend to formulate an idea of which bits
really matter and which don’t, and what you could maybe do about the ones that do.

• There may also be other forms of creative output that will help ease your pain,
anything from woodwork to pottery to painting to needlework to gardening, to
making music….. you name it really.  Most people benefit from having a hobby –
it tends to bring some balance to things like having to go out to work every day or
having to be around to care for someone else, for example.

pansysun3

If your family or colleagues do not seem to respect your views and feelings, then you
must ask for that respect, and ask for opportunities to make your input.  They are
probably not doing it deliberately, nor realising how you feel.  Even if you don’t know
what you want to say yet, that opportunity should be created, and then you will be more
likely to develop ideas to express, particularly as you hear others doing so, or in response
to certain topics.  It might be nice to start with debates on topics that having nothing to do
with your personal situation but that you have an interest in, for example current issues in
your locality, or at work.  Everyone should be allowed to introduce topics, kind of like
making an agenda.

If you find you need to look further afield to find someone to talk to, then do so, perhaps
a grandparent, a friend’s father, someone you hardly know but seem to ‘click’ with, or a
special interest group.  Don’t expect those closest to you to necessarily have the skills to
be everything for you.  We all have certain strengths and weaknesses, no one can do
everything well.  Parents do not receive training to be parents although it is the most
important thing in the world!  They just have to try to make the best of it according to
instinct, and what they can find out.  Often they would be only too glad to help do things
differently if only they knew how, so asking to talk to try to gain mutual understanding
could be a huge relief to them.  Ask everyone to plan to set aside time to both speak and
listen.  It could help to make some notes about what you want to say, to help with clarity,
and prompt memory.  We all need to take responsibility for our communication, as well
as for our actions.  Perhaps as we learn more, we might even be able to help someone
else, or help the human race by finding ways of doing things a bit better in future.

You might think you are different from others, and indeed you are, but only to a certain
extent (as we are all unique, and yet we all belong to the human race).  You might be
surprised to find that a lot of other people might think more like you than you imagined.
It is quite normal for a young person starting out in an adult world to feel a bit out of
place – there is so much to learn about and deal with for a start.  Indeed anyone can
suddenly find themselves struggling in this way.  We might have been caught up in things
and not thinking much about the meaning of stuff, and then suddenly start to question.

There is so much noise and bustle, and emphasis put on artificial and/or superficial
things.  A lot of things don’t seem to make sense, including people’s behaviour.  You
might think that we have got ourselves in an awful mess, but then again, if you take a
look at history you can see that we have done it before and then sorted things out again
somehow.  There are lots of good things too, so we can try to focus on these while we try
to figure out the rest.  We need variation and contrast in the world otherwise we would
not be able to appreciate the good stuff as everything would just be the same – boring.
Always cut yourself some slack.  If you are impatient with others around you then
chances are that you are impatient with yourself too.  Stop expecting so much from
everyone, including yourself – we are just humans trying to bumble along, some being
lucky enough to have more in their favour perhaps, but everyone has something to bring
to the table, so do try not to judge.

I know it is easier said than done when you are depressed, but try to find ways to focus on
the positive.  Turn your thoughts away from criticising others and things around you by
simply thinking about better things.  You can use affirmations in many ways.

• First thing in the morning and/or last thing at night, you could just remind yourself of
a couple of things to be grateful for – such as good weather, loving husband, helpful
teenagers, wonderful children, our good health, our job, our good looks, our specialist
skills,, etc etc.

• Anytime at all you could use affirmations to boost your own self esteem – just say
them calmly to yourself several times, for several days in a row, until you start to feel
they are true.  Here are a few ideas, breathe deeply and try to FEEL them to be true.
”I am loved” (this could mean by family, partner, friends, God, or the universe, etc)
”I love”  (this could be anything such as the above, or such as hugs, food, books,
music, walks, swimming, flowers, trees, cats, sunshine, rain, whatever you can think
of.  Try writing down a list, and add to it every day.  Draw too if you feel so inclined.
”I am lucky enough to be able to ……..” (list your skills here, and also everyday
things such as cook, drive, read and write, etc… anything that lets you go about your
life in both normal and special or unique ways.).  These are also nice to do while you
are walking along, and you can add things you see around you – perhaps the bird
singing in the hedge, the blossom, the sun.

• And here are some more:

I release past fears and resentments / I am open to receive. / Life is a miraculous
gift! / I am here to learn, grow, and have fun. / I am responsible for creating my own
happiness. / I deserve to take good care of myself. / I nurture my body and feed my
soul. / I make the time to be still, and listen to the truth. / Talking it out – heals /
I express myself clearly and positively. / I forgive others and myself, and let pain go. /
I am becoming more and more of who I can be. / I am ready to move forwards.

• Affirmations must be in the present tense to be effective – not some vague distant
future thing.

• There are also a lot of inspiring quotations out there – I have an inspiration page on
my website, which I regularly add to.  I also include some in my books.

Do remember that is normal for people to feel down at least some of the time, just some
people hide it better or deal with it differently perhaps.  I tend to think it is people who
think more deeply about life who struggle a bit more with it, perhaps because a night’s
partying doesn’t switch it off – it is not really the answer because it all seems a bit
shallow to you.

Please don’t feel bad about yourself because of it, as obviously that would make it worse
– just try to recognise the patterns and find the best ways for your unique self to deal with
it.  Try to look for things you can learn from difficult situations or emotions instead of
trying to dismiss them.  Allow yourself time to work things through instead of expecting
to be unrealistically ‘normal’ all the time – just ensure that you put a limit on how long
you dwell on stuff – you must move beyond it at some point – and if you let yourself
work it through fully instead of trying to ignore it, then you are more likely to do this.
Observe yourself and notice the patterns – then use your self ­management skills – for
example you might say, okay so this weekend I am going to just set time aside of myself
to work this situation over, and I’ll be okay by Sunday dinner time and go out for a really
nice meal (as a reward).  If you need an extra day, then take Monday off work, but be
sure to return Tuesday, don’t allow this to drift.  This is how you take back control, and
earn your own self ­respect, which is much more important than other people’s respect.
However, you do also earn other people’s respect when you take control – step back
when you need to, instead of trying to be sociable – even ask people to give you a bit of
space instead of coming round – knowing that you will be better company later on when
you are ready ­ and be open, explain to them why instead of letting them feel rejected.
Your true friends will understand, and will also feel good if you promise to call on them
if you really need to, otherwise that you will see them when you are done.  This honesty
lets them see that you are managing the situation logically, and it also sets an example to
give other people the permission to use these skills.

I should say here that it is really important to write things down as you work them
through, rather than just trying to work them out inside your head – because your mind
will tend to just get woolly and run out of steam, whereas writing it down develops
clarity, mostly because there is more of a sequence to it. There are other ways you could
do it of course, such as speaking out loud and making recordings, and listening back, then
recording again.  I can’t say I’ve tried this, but I can imagine I might find myself
laughing at myself after a bit – I must try it!  What I have tried though, is to pretend I am
actually having a conversation with someone, where I am both people, so I change places
and speak for each one – an amazing exercise, as not only do you work through the
situation, but you also get to understand the other point of view a bit, if you don’t just
make a parody of it – but even that would be fun.

Don’t try to speak directly with other people involved in the situation, or actually send
them a letter or email, until you have taken the heat out of your emotions and reached
some clarity about your feelings.  This way you can vent without walking out of or losing
your job, or damaging your relationship (whether partner, colleague, friend, or family).
Obviously, if by the end of it you have boiled it down to a few crucial bits that need
addressing, then you can deal with it appropriately because the exaggerated emotional
response has gone and you can be clear about what you need to do or say.  You should
thus be able to respectfully approach others and explain your viewpoint and ask for what
you need.  If you feel a need to apologise for anything, then that is fine, but don’t be
defensive about it or dismiss the problem that way because it will only arise again, try to
be clear about your viewpoint and what steps you think need taking to remedy the
situation.  As long as you are prepared to listen to other people’s viewpoints as well, then
you should expect people to consider yours.  It is the only way that solutions can ever be
found that work for all parties.  If there are negative things that need to be said, then you
could always soften these by also pointing out any positives – for example, “I really
appreciate that this is a great project, but do I think that we should take a different
approach to how we…….. because I feel ………..” or “I am really grateful that you want
to always do the cooking, but I would really like to sometimes have a turn.  To be honest,
we do have some differences in taste, and it’s only fair that I get to choose what we eat
and prepare it the way I want to sometimes.  Also on the days I cook, perhaps you could
do the dishes, instead of it always being my job – I don’t mind doing chores, but I like a
bit of variation where possible, and I would enjoy the creativity of cooking.”

You cannot progress with life if you don’t deal with the bits that really matter.  If in the
clear light of day you decide you need to make some big changes, then it will also restore
your power to start making your plans gradually.  Even if it is something like moving out
to your own place, or a total change of career, let the power of knowing that you need to
do it guide you so that you feel excited by new possibilities rather than daunted by the
process of getting there.  If you lose steam anywhere along the way, remind yourself that
you are breaking free of a situation that you could have let yourself remain trapped in if
you hadn’t had the strength and insight to realise it, and the courage to do something
about it.

Okay so maybe there are a few ideas here that might help you start to feel more
comfortable with yourself and the world around you, and I can always help you find more
if you would like to contact me.  If we can find our rightful place in the world then we are
likely to be able to banish depression and take back our personal power.  Please do not be
afraid to seek it out.

As Shakespeare wrote “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day,
thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Good luck!

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Bundle of 2 MEDITATION GUIDES is available from our GUIDES page.
Guide 1 – Information / Principles / Energy and Breath / Protection /
Grounding / Safety
12 full pages + 4 pg bonus informative book review.
Guide 2 ­ Practice
23 full pages of techniques & examples to use from simple to advanced.
Includes some meditations for groups and for couples.

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Bundle of 2 STRESS BUSTING Guides is available from our GUIDES page.
A 40+ page Guide for Stress Busting
from Stress Consultant Julia Woodman
including her TV demonstration script.
plus an additional 20+ pages of guidelines
which she uses for her workshops
with extra ideas and exercises to help you.

and see my other blog here –

Depression, Addiction, and even Weight issues can be linked to Mineral Imbalance –
for some ideas about how body chemistry might be affecting you
(including cell function, hydration, detoxification)

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Top Tips Video from Radiance Solutions

Video

Communication, Children, Curiosity, Confidence, and a lot more besides

Creativity

Meditation Guide

Affirmations

Confirming your Joy Guide

Inspiration page on my website

BREATHING TO BALANCE EARTH GROUNDING AND UNIVERSAL SOURCE CONNECTION

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It will soon be yet another new year, and I would like to share some posts that might help with that positive new start:

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We need to be in balance to live optimally on this planet.  We are spiritual beings who have come to live in a physical body to experience and learn from life here.  We need to be connected to out Earth Mother Root to ground us here, as well as maintain a connection with our Universal Father Wisdom.  I want to suggest a way of doing this through the breath and then go on to suggest a couple of other things.

First we need simply to practice slow deep breathing as a basis for this.  Breathe in slowly and deeply, then pause for a few seconds before breathing out again, also slowly.  Pause again for a couple of seconds before breathing in again.  Count if it helps you to focus.  The in breath and out breath may differ slightly in length, so find what suits you best.  The pause between the in and the out breath may be slightly longer than the pause between the out and the next in breath, again find out what suits you best.

At the end of the out breath you may also like to add a harder little blow to get every last bit of air out, but in the second phase of this exercise you may find it easier to discard that tactic again. For now I just want you to think about nurturing yourself through your breath.  The in breaths should be filling your lungs deep down with good clean air and the out breaths should be clearing out that air again along with any stale stuff left in the nooks and crannies.

Phase two then focuses on the few seconds where you pause between breathing in and out.  You should not be holding your breath in a forced way for too long, just a gentle relaxing pause, where you can start to focus on forming and drawing on your connections.

Firstly, in the gap between in and out breaths, I want you to feel as if the universe is pouring into you through your head, your throat, the top of your spine, your heart, whatever works best for you.  Feel the immense peace, love, wisdom.  Feel it renew your life force, your confidence in being yourself, your sense of knowing wonderful things, and your sense of being cared for.  You might sense colours such as purple, dark and light blues, green, and pink.  Also maybe pure white. Just let them swirl around and within you, trusting in their beautiful healing, strengthening, renewing, and balancing properties.

Secondly, in the gap between the out and the in breaths, focus on your connection with the earth that allows us to live here, feel it like a root drawing up the energies of vitality  into your body through your feet, up your spine, and into the abdomen.  Feel a sense of security, safety, strength, nurturing and protection.  You may sense colours such as red, orange, and yellow.  Also maybe gold.  The yellow and orange can also flow directly into your abdomen via sunlight, or via picturing autumn leaves dancing in the breeze for example, and the gold tends to flow around you rather than into you.

Enjoy this as often as you like.  Through everything we do in our lives, we can feel these connections aligning us, enabling us to function more optimally.  After a bit of practice it only takes a few seconds thought to focus on the connections to boost ourselves if we are feeling tired, or fearful, or before an event such as having to give a speech, sing, write an exam, run a race, face up to any demanding situation with poise and grace.

If you have sinus issues you can use a similar thing to obtain some relief, and balance in your head.  Press a finger against one nostril and breathe slowly through the other.  Then pause at the top while you change your finger to the other nostril.  Now breathe out through the second nostril, then pause briefly again at the bottom before breathing in again through the same nostril you just breathed out of.  Then swap over at the top of the breath again back to the first nostril and breathe out through that.  Do it about five times for each nostril then stop and just relax – feeling the head and sinuses come to balance.  Don’t overdo it or it will make you dizzy.  You can use this simply as a sinus clearing exercise, or can include the visualizations and perceptions mentioned above.

Another thing you may like to try is to imagine that your spine is the staff in the centre of the medical symbol, and that the two spirals around it are the powerful red coming up from the earth root, and the pure white coming down from the original universal source, twining together to support you with everything you need to be master of yourself.

I will be adding more blogs for new year inspiration over the next few weeks……….

depression, addiction, and even weight issues, can all be linked to mineral imbalance

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CELL FUNCTION AND MINERALS

We depend on proper cell function for our bodies to be able to work properly and enable us to experience good mental and physical health.

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The cell process is basically that we hold calcium and sodium inside our cells during daylight hours, then when night comes, these move out of the cells – taking toxins with them, into the lymph, then blood, etc.

At night we have magnesium and potassium instead inside the cells.  If we are short of these then they cannot move into the cell, displacing the calcium, sodium, and toxins, so the toxins get stored up and cause problems.

These electrolytes are very important for detoxifying, plus we need lipids (omega 3 & 6 oils), plus lots of water for hydration, and for the correct electrical charges to be in place around the cells. The omega 3 and 6 oils cannot be made by our bodies so have to be ingested to increase cell membrane permeability and for various other functions.

WATER

Water is very important. If we are dehydrated (which is quite common) then we are not able to get rid of the toxins from our bodies as we should.  Toxins build up all the time from normal bodily processes, and are usually eliminated by the exchange of minerals in and out of the cells, and then carried out via the lymph, which becomes sluggish if there is not enough water in the body.  If we become quite dehydrated, our bodies will tend to become ill in an effort to raise the temperature enough to get stagnant lymph flowing and clear the toxins that have built up.  Also, if we are dehydrated, then the cells store extra cholesterol in their membranes in order to keep the water they do have, so the process tends to be a bit of a vicious cycle.

Water for re-hydration purposes has to be either pure water, or herbal tea (not infusions), with nothing added.  There are loads of interesting herbal teas.  I particularly like echinacea and raspberry – the echinacea helps the throat etc, and boosts immunity, but needs the raspberry (or something) flavour.  Lemon and Ginger is also very good for clearing out and for the digestive system.

MINERALS

Our diets are affected by soil depletion and pollution as well as by the way food is processed, so we do need to use supplements to replace some missing ingredients, and try to be careful about what we eat and drink.

It is quite easy to become deficient in magnesium as there is not much left in the soil especially in particular areas. (The same applies to things like selenium.) 

Shortage of magnesium (known as “the great soother”) often means we seek other things to try to soothe us – like sugar, alcohol, or drugs.  Putting on weight or other effects of having too much sugar can cause depression, and so can feeling dependent on things like alcohol or drugs.

I have to watch out for a shortage of potassium (available from bananas and also strawberries), but am not sure yet why I tend to have this lack.

We apparently quite often misplace calcium in our bodies rather than being short of it, if the cell membranes are stopping this process of electrolytic exchange, then it has to go somewhere else.

We are unlikely to be short of sodium, in fact if the sodium levels are too high, it can interfere with this process, and you may need zinc to help redress the balance.

Of course, there are many other vitamins and minerals needed for proper body function, so this is only scratching the surface, but I would like to encourage people to educate themselves about these things so that they can make their own choices about their health in an informed way.  I believe that we can recover from pretty much anything in a natural way if we have the right information to make the right choices.

Iodine in the thyroid is supposed to maintain body temperature, among other things, but a lack of minerals, and stress, can have a huge effect on this process. If people’s average body temperature is lowered then it is much harder to regain health. Fluoride that has been added to water and/or toothpaste tends to block the absorption of iodine because it attaches to the receptors that were meant for attracting the iodine..  Nitrates and nitrites (from fertilizers and thus in our water) also have this effect (also chlorine, chloride, bromine, and bromide).

The contraceptive pill is said to contain a lot of copper, which does not result in a good balance particularly in young girls as it emulates the conditions of a woman in labour, and also reduces the amount of zinc present at a time (puberty) when the body really needs it.  Low zinc increases the likelihood of co-dependent and/or addictive behaviours, which could perhaps go a long way to explain why so many young girls are drinking and smoking so heavily.  ‘The pill’ also contains synthetic estrogens which are building up in our water and affecting other life forms down the food chain.

OTHER FACTORS

If we become too acidic it affects our digestive enzymes and so we can become short of essential vitamins and minerals due to not being able to absorb them properly via our digestive systems. We need to ensure that our detoxification system is working to reduce acidity, as our normal metabolism process produces acidity as a matter of course.  

Stress from relationships, jobs, money worries, etc can lead to dehydration, as can unresolved emotions from the past, and as can electromagnetic interference from having too many gadgets etc around us. Stress and negative thoughts attract similar vibrations, thus we seem to attract more bad luck when we are already down, and become vulnerable to depression.  We are meant to be in tune with the earth and the universe.  Everything is possible if you live in harmony with all around you.

We need to stop focusing on treating our symptoms and find solutions at the root.  We need to ensure our bodies have what they need to function as they are meant to, getting rid of things they don’t need in a natural way, rather than burying the symptoms only to end up getting worse.  Taking too many medications or other drugs only adds to the stress we are putting on our bodies, and also tends to reduce our overall temperature, which as we have said is not good for our health either.

Surely we should also be trying to stop the widespread use of toxins in our environment that are destroying our soil, our water, and even our air.  Clean soil, air, and water are things we ought to have a right to, along with freedom of thought, and of speech.

Everything in our natural world and out there in the universe is inter-connected, so we need to be open to that connection, not closed off by fear, allowing other people to dictate to us.  Once we understand our bodies needs we can obtain health and happiness and freedom.  Our bodies are amazing, so let’s try to pay heed to what they need and help them to help themselves!

See my article – An Holistic approach to Loving our Bodies and our Lives

and Respecting your Body and choosing sound relationships

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RADIANCE-SOLUTIONS for Total Wellbeing and Creativity

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RADIANCE-SOLUTIONS for Total Wellbeing and Creativity.

Transforming despair

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“People fear that if they let despair in, they’ll be paralyzed because they are just one person. Paradoxically, by allowing ourselves to feel our pain for the world, we open ourselves up to the web of life, and we realize that we’re not alone.” Joanna Macy

via Transforming despair.

with huge thanks to the fantastic blog http://beyondmeds.com/

 

Intention II – Positive Mind and Body Talk

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If you have a major op =then yes you have a tough time and it’s fine to talk honestly about it and expect people to be sympathetic and make allowances for you – for example you won’t be able to do a lot of physical work for a while, and you will need time to rest and recuperate.

However, after a bit you need to move on to a new reality. You can’t expect your body to heal itself  properly if your thoughts remain stuck in the past reality – the pain and the trauma.

Our bodies are very good at repairing themselves, even after a major operation, especially if we give them a little help.  “My body is amazingly good at healing itself” – say that now to yourself, and to your friends, instead of dwelling on the previous reality – the reality now is that yes, you had an op in the past, but your body is healing itself and you are recovering.

If you don’t do this, not only might your friends start getting a bit impatient with you – your own body will be confused.  It’s as if the individual cells and the organs are not sure whether they are supposed to be carrying out repairs or not, because you are giving them mixed messages.  You need to focus your intention on getting better, and your body will go along with it.

It’s the same when you want to move forward with your life in other ways – you need to send out clear messages about what your intentions are – and things happen more easily.  If you are confused in your thoughts then how can you expect to get things going smoothly?  It can be very useful to make out plans with logical steps to take as well.  Life Coaching can really help you with this if you are not sure how to go ahead.  It is so much better to choose to do things because you have devised a plan for moving towards a goal, than it is to do things out of fear – to avoid consequences.

So, if you are struggling to fall asleep at night for example, you can also set your intentions to help you out here.  Instead of focusing on things you fear, like bad dreams, you can actually say to yourself – “I intend to have a good night’s sleep tonight and get some proper rest”.  You can also add “It is my intention to only wake up at 9 am”, for example, instead of worrying about waking up during the night.

If you are using a crutch like alcohol or sleeping pills, then don’t worry about that either – take control of the plan by saying to yourself “I am using this as a tool for the moment, but it is my intention to move past that.  I am learning about other tools I can use instead, such as positive thinking, and meditation to help relax me”, for example.

There are many different types of meditation, and ways we can use this wonderful tool – so there is something to suit everybody.

You can simply use deep breaths to help relax your body and then visualise yourself in a beautiful place of your choice, and notice all the wonderful things around you.  This has the added advantage of keeping your mind too busy to start thinking of negative things, or going in useless circles trying to solve some issue.

Letting our monkey minds run away with us uses up energy and achieves nothing, so meditation is great for stilling this wheel spinning type activity and de-stressing.  If such thinking keeps returning, then just imagine setting the thoughts aside on a shelf next to you and go back to your beautiful visualisation.

My favourite sort of visualisations are to imagine myself in some place in nature, where I can explore the details using all my senses to bring it alive, what can I see, feel, hear, smell, and sometimes even taste.  But you can imagine yourself anywhere you like, out or playing games with friends, or having a family meal, for example is fine too.

Some people like to focus on just the breath, or on a single object such as a flower or a flame, in order to still their minds, but the visualisation is easier to use in that it does help deflect other thoughts.  It takes much more practice to just be able to still the mind at will without using distracting tactics.

It depends how good you are at visualising as to what methods you might choose, so just experiment and find out what suits you.

You can also relax your body by focusing on it bit by bit and telling it to relax – your scalp, your face, your eyes, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, and so on.  Some people like to clench the muscles then relax them, but I prefer to just relax them.  You can repeat the same area several times if you feel there is more to relax there.  Or you can say, “Can I relax this any more?”  “Can this area feel any lighter than this?”

Another alternative is to do a few exercises before meditating, just stretching or sort of warm up or loosening  up exercises, not a huge big deal – it gets your system flowing before the meditation.

You don’t have to be physically still in your visualisation to relax.  Although you may be sitting still imagining it – you could be visualising yourself chatting and laughing or dancing or running about, as long as you are enjoying yourself and not wound up about anything.  In fact, there are even such things as active meditations where instead of sitting still to meditate, you use movement such as rhythmic walking, dancing, or laughter to let go of tensions and focus the mind.

You could even try making sounds such as growling, yapping, howling – as you go up the scale – which can give you a sense of being set free to play.  And you can use singing, toning, or humming, where the different vibrations of various sounds literally roll; around the body, affecting different parts of it, a little bit like internal massage.  The movement and sound also helps ground you very well.

Learning and using any such techniques gives you the power of taking control of, and responsibility for, your way forward, and thus also helps you build confidence or self-assurance., so meditation really is a great tool.  You can also have a lot of fun with it.

You can even use your mind as a tool to solve problems without having to dwell on them – just set your intention for the answer to pop up later and stop worrying about the situation – and usually that works just fine.  Worrying is a total waste of energy anyway and it gets you nowhere by itself.

You can also set your intention to process and let go of issues and your mind and body will find a way to do just that.  Stop hanging on to things that hurt you.

Even if you do catch yourself in negative talk or thoughts, just say “But that was then and NOW it is my intention to move forward….” or just tell your mind to stop doing that and re-direct it.   Try to use affirmations in the present tense when talking to yourself – so instead of “I am planning to do it”, say “I am doing it.“  Soon  it will become a good habit to talk positively to yourself as well as to others.

We all come from the original stream of pure consciousness, innocent and free, until we allow things to drag us down – but we can return to that lightness of being by learning to use tools that help us take back control of our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.

Link to blog on Personal Change Management

Link to blog on Heart Centred Communication

Link to blog on Evolution of Communication