If you have a major op =then yes you have a tough time and it’s fine to talk honestly about it and expect people to be sympathetic and make allowances for you – for example you won’t be able to do a lot of physical work for a while, and you will need time to rest and recuperate.

However, after a bit you need to move on to a new reality. You can’t expect your body to heal itself  properly if your thoughts remain stuck in the past reality – the pain and the trauma.

Our bodies are very good at repairing themselves, even after a major operation, especially if we give them a little help.  “My body is amazingly good at healing itself” – say that now to yourself, and to your friends, instead of dwelling on the previous reality – the reality now is that yes, you had an op in the past, but your body is healing itself and you are recovering.

If you don’t do this, not only might your friends start getting a bit impatient with you – your own body will be confused.  It’s as if the individual cells and the organs are not sure whether they are supposed to be carrying out repairs or not, because you are giving them mixed messages.  You need to focus your intention on getting better, and your body will go along with it.

It’s the same when you want to move forward with your life in other ways – you need to send out clear messages about what your intentions are – and things happen more easily.  If you are confused in your thoughts then how can you expect to get things going smoothly?  It can be very useful to make out plans with logical steps to take as well.  Life Coaching can really help you with this if you are not sure how to go ahead.  It is so much better to choose to do things because you have devised a plan for moving towards a goal, than it is to do things out of fear – to avoid consequences.

So, if you are struggling to fall asleep at night for example, you can also set your intentions to help you out here.  Instead of focusing on things you fear, like bad dreams, you can actually say to yourself – “I intend to have a good night’s sleep tonight and get some proper rest”.  You can also add “It is my intention to only wake up at 9 am”, for example, instead of worrying about waking up during the night.

If you are using a crutch like alcohol or sleeping pills, then don’t worry about that either – take control of the plan by saying to yourself “I am using this as a tool for the moment, but it is my intention to move past that.  I am learning about other tools I can use instead, such as positive thinking, and meditation to help relax me”, for example.

There are many different types of meditation, and ways we can use this wonderful tool – so there is something to suit everybody.

You can simply use deep breaths to help relax your body and then visualise yourself in a beautiful place of your choice, and notice all the wonderful things around you.  This has the added advantage of keeping your mind too busy to start thinking of negative things, or going in useless circles trying to solve some issue.

Letting our monkey minds run away with us uses up energy and achieves nothing, so meditation is great for stilling this wheel spinning type activity and de-stressing.  If such thinking keeps returning, then just imagine setting the thoughts aside on a shelf next to you and go back to your beautiful visualisation.

My favourite sort of visualisations are to imagine myself in some place in nature, where I can explore the details using all my senses to bring it alive, what can I see, feel, hear, smell, and sometimes even taste.  But you can imagine yourself anywhere you like, out or playing games with friends, or having a family meal, for example is fine too.

Some people like to focus on just the breath, or on a single object such as a flower or a flame, in order to still their minds, but the visualisation is easier to use in that it does help deflect other thoughts.  It takes much more practice to just be able to still the mind at will without using distracting tactics.

It depends how good you are at visualising as to what methods you might choose, so just experiment and find out what suits you.

You can also relax your body by focusing on it bit by bit and telling it to relax – your scalp, your face, your eyes, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, and so on.  Some people like to clench the muscles then relax them, but I prefer to just relax them.  You can repeat the same area several times if you feel there is more to relax there.  Or you can say, “Can I relax this any more?”  “Can this area feel any lighter than this?”

Another alternative is to do a few exercises before meditating, just stretching or sort of warm up or loosening  up exercises, not a huge big deal – it gets your system flowing before the meditation.

You don’t have to be physically still in your visualisation to relax.  Although you may be sitting still imagining it – you could be visualising yourself chatting and laughing or dancing or running about, as long as you are enjoying yourself and not wound up about anything.  In fact, there are even such things as active meditations where instead of sitting still to meditate, you use movement such as rhythmic walking, dancing, or laughter to let go of tensions and focus the mind.

You could even try making sounds such as growling, yapping, howling – as you go up the scale – which can give you a sense of being set free to play.  And you can use singing, toning, or humming, where the different vibrations of various sounds literally roll; around the body, affecting different parts of it, a little bit like internal massage.  The movement and sound also helps ground you very well.

Learning and using any such techniques gives you the power of taking control of, and responsibility for, your way forward, and thus also helps you build confidence or self-assurance., so meditation really is a great tool.  You can also have a lot of fun with it.

You can even use your mind as a tool to solve problems without having to dwell on them – just set your intention for the answer to pop up later and stop worrying about the situation – and usually that works just fine.  Worrying is a total waste of energy anyway and it gets you nowhere by itself.

You can also set your intention to process and let go of issues and your mind and body will find a way to do just that.  Stop hanging on to things that hurt you.

Even if you do catch yourself in negative talk or thoughts, just say “But that was then and NOW it is my intention to move forward….” or just tell your mind to stop doing that and re-direct it.   Try to use affirmations in the present tense when talking to yourself – so instead of “I am planning to do it”, say “I am doing it.“  Soon  it will become a good habit to talk positively to yourself as well as to others.

We all come from the original stream of pure consciousness, innocent and free, until we allow things to drag us down – but we can return to that lightness of being by learning to use tools that help us take back control of our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.

Link to blog on Personal Change Management

Link to blog on Heart Centred Communication

Link to blog on Evolution of Communication