Category Archives: Retreat

On NOT being a guru

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i.m.h.o.

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I don’t believe anyone should set themselves up as some sort of guru – but I do think one should be one’s OWN guru.

You can use higher levels of consciousness to question your own thoughts and actions.  Use your mind, heart, body, and soul in partnership – to be true to one’s self, to learn about our existence and our wonderful planet, and to grow ever wiser – yet always question one’s own wisdom with humility, recognizing that we can never know things for sure – it’s all opinion, perspective, emotional filtering – depending on one’s own past experiences etc.  Yet we can reduce that filtering effect by letting go of past programs to see things more clearly and lovingly, more openly (non-judgementally), and to respond objectively rather than being sucked into a subjective reaction.  There are many tools we can use to help us progress or simply to remind us of what we already know we should be doing.

I don’t think people should shut themselves off from the world either, except perhaps for short periods, if one is going to focus on learning to meditate or to study the wilds by immersing themselves totally in a part of nature for a while.  But sooner or later we must bring back what we have learned and apply it to living in the day-to-day world successfully.  Everything can be integrated into a wholesome, balanced way of living – at peace with both the inner (one’s core self) and the outer (everything around you).

We can be in constant contact with Sublime One-ness in everyday life!

I do not wish to focus on the idea of “helping” or seeking to “help” either.  I merely want to share what I have learnt, experienced, created, etc, so that anyone who may choose to access it may do so.  I do think I have good stuff to offer because I have really spent a lot of time learning and practising things, and can save people time on their own journeys and offer useful tips and guidance along the way; but I share with humility, always remembering that everything I say or write is only “in my humble opinion”, and acknowledging that I am ALWAYS still learning.

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Practicing tenderness and massage

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Showing tenderness in a relationship keeps reminding us of the positive love in the world as a whole and in our hearts.
There are exercises in my spiritual sex guide (available on our guides page) to help bring couples very close so that they can share an absolutely pure relationship. They are based on open communication, which can only be done with truly opened hearts.
Massage is a wonderful tool for two people who wish to learn to trust each other at a very deep level, and to deepen each other’s faith in their partner’s love for them. Partners need to respect each other’s feelings and boundaries or limits, as well as their bodies, so you also need to talk openly and listen fully. Massage also enables you to process the toxins of trapped emotions, and start fresh.

Some Essential Oils that can be mixed with Base Oils for Massage:

A great base or carrier oil is Jojoba, which is good for nourishing the skin. You can also use Sweet Almond, which is non-irritating, and softens the skin. Some others are Evening Primrose, Grapeseed (which is light, penetrating, and virtually odourless), Macadamia (which tones dry skin), and Wheatgerm (which is beneficial for tired muscles and revitalizing dry and aging skin).
For massage purposes, blend 4 to 5 drops of an essential oil with 10ml of carrier oil, but use less for the elderly or children (2 to 3 drops). Test for allergies first. You can also add a few drops to your bath water for an aromatic relaxing bath.

• Bergamot – is floral, fruity and sweet citrus. It is uplifting and good for increasing self confidence.
• Jasmine – Sweet and floral. Uplifting, warming, and good for instilling optimism.
• Neroli – Warm, floral and good for calming restlessness, shock, or anxiety.
• Patchouli – Rich, sweet, and great for grounding and stabilising.
• Tea Tree – Woody, camphorous, and Spiritually Cleansing.
• Ylang Ylang – Floral, exotic, uplifting, and good for soothing and inhibiting anger.
• Camphor – Sharp, menthol. An aphrodisiac and Muscle relaxant. Good for clearing sinuses if you don’t like any of those other sort of smells.
• Marjoram – Warm and sweet. Helpful for muscle fatigue.
• Orange (Blood) – Fresh berries. Reduces tension & anxiety, and inspires concentration.
• Palmarosa – Grassy, lemony, and rejuvenating. Good for skin care.
• Basil – Warm and spicy. Good for refreshing and toning skin.
• Cedarwood – Soft, sweet, relaxing and harmonizing. Good for meditation.
• Chamomile – Bright, crisp, sweet, fruity. Calming & Relaxing.
• Clary Sage – Sweet, warm, nutty. Relaxing & Uplifting.
• Cypress – Gives strength in difficult situations.
• Eucalyptus – Refreshing, cool, invigorating.
• Frankincense – Woody & calming. Helps soothe nervous tension.
• Juniper – Crisp & clean. Good for the atmosphere of a room and meditation.
• Lavender – Floral & Green. Relaxing, relieves nervous tension.
• Lemon – Fresh & sweet citrus. Helps calm irritability.
• Peppermint – Cool, invigorating. Relieves tiredness & increases concentration.
• Rosemary – Spicy. Good for memory and concentration.
• Sandalwood – Sweet, warm, sensual and relaxing. Excellent for meditation.
• Benzoin – warm, soothing, and eases tired muscles.
• Citronella – Powerful lemony aroma. Good for oily skin and insect repellant.
• Clover leaf – Hot, penetrating, spicy. Strengthens mind & memory.
• Geranium – Sweet rose & citrus. Uplifting & stabilising.
• Litsea – Uplifting, stimulating, and ideal for tired muscles or greasy skin.
• Mandarin – soft, warm, and gentle. Helps overcome restlessness.
• Myrtle – Spicy, camphor-like aroma. Clarifying & cleansing.

Tenderness (a song)

D G
Hold me, stroke me, / touch me tender
D G lo A
Like no other / sun gave me its / light

D G hi A
Like no other / sta-ars kissed my / eyes
D G lo D A lo
Like no other / pla- a- a-nets / spun inside my / head

D G lo A
Like no other / wi-ind blew its / breath
D G hi D A
Like no other / water sang its / so-o-ong / before

D G lo D A
Like no other / earth ; cradled / me-ee in its / arms
D G lo hi A hi
Like no other / tree ; held me to its / heart

hi D G hi D A
Like no other / bi–ird gave to / me its wings / before
D G lo A
Like no other / kitten shared its / licks
D G lo A
Like no other / cloud gave me its / lips
D G hi D A
Like no other / moon laid its ca / ress upon my / skin
D G lo A
Like no other / grass has shared its / dreams
D G lo A lo
Like no other / leaves have ever / li-ist-ened

hi D G hi D A
Like no other / flo-ow-ers showed / me-ee their / co-o-lours
D G lo A
Like no other / God showed me his / love
D G lo A D
Like no other / God showed me his / lo-o- / ove

trnderness

Here are a couple of pieces from my book of prose poems – SPAN –

FLY

Delicate, butterfly winged, we vainly push against the sky, each trying to find our place. Yes, we are going to die, let’s not beat about the bush. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. Maybe many years from now. Meanwhile, we have someone who loves us, someone to love. Surely there is no need to hesitate.

OBSERVATION

So, we may not be able to explain the world. Not exactly. But we CAN accept it, and love it. We CAN turn our faces to the light and examine the minutest details simply for the sake of it. We CAN live lives of joy and purpose. We are all part of one whole. Take comfort in this: Almost every one of us is capable of holding a cup to another’s lips without our hands shaking.

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Safe Cave Meditation for Relaxation, Renewal, and Confidence

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this was written on request for a client

Safe Cave Meditation for Relaxation, Renewal & Confidence – THE SCRIPT (includes some extra tips at the end)

You know there is a cave somewhere
in your imagination – that you can go to
if you want PEACE & QUIET.
I want you to take yourself there now
and just wander around checking it out
before you sit down in the best spot.

You feel SAFE in your cave, and secure.
It’s a place where you can be CALM
and RELAX, and LET GO of worries.
It’s a place where you can REST
and RE-CHARGE before carrying on.
It’s a place you can ride out ANY storm.

So settle down and make sure
you are comfortable & warm.
Now take some LONG SLOW BREATHS
and count them as you let go of worries – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 –
As you count you RELAX more & more – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 –
Count until you feel sleepy – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12.

RELAX & RELEASE ALL YOUR THOUGHTS –
If any thoughts do arise, just set them aside –
let them wash away in the stream
that is gurgling gently nearby.
LET ANY TENSIONS GO TOO –
wash, washing away in the stream.

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Now FEEL SOFT LIGHTS in your cave –
Maybe fairy candles or glow worms – to SOOTHE you.
They have come to help you RE-CHARGE.
So now focus on RENEWING YOURSELF.
Feel their light COMFORTING you
and gently giving you NEW ENERGY.

With every BREATH, feel more LIGHT
steadily coming INTO your body.
BREATHE IT IN and feel it in your chest & abdomen –
in ALL parts of your body, your head, and your limbs.
Now feel it warming your heart
with the YELLOW LIGHT OF CONFIDENCE.

Also now you feel an ORANGE GLOW
in the lower parts of your body,
which gives you a sense of STRENGTH.
Feel that VITALITY spread –
and join with the yellow confident light
and RISE OUT TO SURROUND YOU.

You now have A BUBBLE PROTECTING YOU,
which you can take out into the world
and use anytime to BOOST yourself.
Use it for difficult situations
to keep you STEADY in yourself.
TRUST yourself to REMEMBER this.

Now just focus on your breathing
as you FEEL THAT ENERGY IN & AROUND YOU.
Give thanks for this, and everything else you have to be grateful for.
Then count again, backwards to retunr – 12 – 11 – 10 – and on
to – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – breathing more lightly now – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 –
and feel yourself ready to stretch, and rise up.

Move about a bit, rub hands on thighs etc – if you need to ensure you come back fully to the present moment. If you go deep into a meditation, it can take a few moments to be properly present afterwards. Having a drink of water helps too.

After a bit of practice with your imagination, you should be able to imagine that bubble around you at any moment you might need it. After a bit more time, it can even happen automatically, so you will then never feel quite so vulnerable again.
If you want to, you could even ask the fairies or glow worms to make you wings, and feel what it is like to wear them, and imagine what you could do with them. You can then imagine you have them any time you want to rise above a situation.
You can use just the first part of this meditation to help you fall asleep if you have difficulty with this. You could use the second half to help you wake up in the morning too if you wish.
If you have difficulties with communication, or need to prepare for a public performance, you could also add in a bit where the lovely pale blue of the stream water rinses your throat, washing away fear of speaking, and letting you feel what it is like to be clear, and concise, with what you want to say, so that you can use this experience in real life too.
There is a saying in LIFE COACHING that if you ACT AS IF something is true (pretend you are, for example, cool, calm, and collected), then it is like having the real experience of being that, so it becomes easier for you to learn that skill. (This can even apply to falling asleep – if you have trouble with this, then act as if you are pretending to someone else that you are asleep, like children sometimes do with parents, then before you know it, it may actually be so.)
Another way to boost confidence is to say “I can do it, I can do it, I can do this!” to the rhythm of your steps when walking, or hand claps, like a chant or mantra. Children could have fun with that part of it too, or might like to make up their own. So might you.
julia@radiance-solutions.co.uk can help you create your own meditations, visualisations, affirmations, or other personal and spiritual development tools.
There are also a lot of tools already available via http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk

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Dealing With Stress: Regaining Self-esteem and Making Choices

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There are many stress symptoms below Julia discusses these and offers advice on dealing with stress as well as tips to improve your self-esteem.

Stress is something that can build up gradually without us noticing too much and then suddenly it becomes intolerable and we snap. Often we are forced to take a break from work, which then gives us time to think, and we realise that we need to re-organise ourselves. Or it might not be work-related, it might be a family or relationship situation than needs a rethink.

Gradually we may have given up our power – our personal power – to others – letting them tell us what to do more and more, and letting them push us harder and harder too. Often we let others walk all over principles, or ruin our environment with poisonous sniping and unfair demands.

We may know exactly what we want to do about it, or we may like some help and support to obtain some relief, then work through the issues and decide how best to move forward. We may also need help to plan whatever changes we wish to make. As a counsellor and life coach, I can help in both these areas.

Recognising Stress

Ideally if you recognise that you could do with some help before a situation gets too bad, then we can usually deal with things more constructively. I can help you by first clarifying the situation exactly, including your feelings about it, and then figuring out how best to sort things out. Communication can be key here, and I can help advise on that, and can even mediate if necessary. I can also help show you ways of dealing better with stress in the first place.

I have many tools to help you take back your power. I can help you re-connect with the deep self within, and re-kindle your joy in life. Awareness heightens your ability to make choices earlier and be more clear about your intentions too. Affirmations, inspirational quotes, and snippets of wisdom, all help boost your self esteem. Visualisations help give you relief and a sense of calm. Meditation takes you deeper – into a sense of bliss that arises from a combination of personal and universal power. Creativity helps you express yourself, and your appreciation of life. All this adds up to give you confidence to do what you want to with your time on earth, to make your life uniquely fulfilling – instead of stressful.

Life coaching is particularly suited to help you first of all be sure about what it is you want to achieve, and then plan for success, using realistic time scales for each step, with rewards for achievement along the way to help keep up your motivation. I am here to offer you support of course, but you should also ask those around you to be supportive to help keep you on track. However, if you do slip a bit, don’t beat yourself up about it, just get back on the road when you are ready.

Choice

You always have the power to choose whether to continue as you are, or whether to make changes. Even if you go on with what you are doing, then at least you will have very consciously chosen to do that….. it becomes easier once you have evaluated why you are making that choice. Awareness brings clarity to life. You are your own master.

Of course, counselling can help you deal with any issues, so that you can move on more effectively. Emotional baggage can set you back, but I can help you let it go. Also we can often get in our own way, for example, with fears sabotaging our attempts to progress. Effective communication is vital, whether it be at work, or with family, children, or friends. I can also help with relationships and sexuality. It is natural for us to have sensual and joyful relationships with those close to us and with the world around us. If you don’t identify with that, then let me help you discover these delights, which will add greatly to your sense of fulfilment as a human being. This in turn will help you find satisfaction in your other life choices, such as your career, and help you handle anything that’s needed to exist optimally.

I also love to work with young people, helping them make a meaningful transition into adulthood with a huge mixture of offerings and skills. Identity and belonging are areas we are weak on in our present day society, and this often results in a lack of understanding, confusion, disconnection, and emotional anguish, but nonetheless I can help.

In the meantime, let me end with a quote from Shakespeare:

“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Access our full stress busting guide here

MASTERY –  Imperatives for a Masterful Life – Awareness & Intention / (So called MASTERY and what it might be, or mean. / Roundup – Beliefs & Aims / What is the Source of Life? / Does what we Believe affect what Happens to us? / What is the Nature of ‘God’ & Why would Jesus have been Crucified to save us from our sins? / What Really Matters? / What else might matter? / What can we learn to be? / What does a ‘master’ know? / What does one strive for if one wishes to work towards mastery? / Are there such things as soul contracts? / Do we learn on behalf of the ALL that is, so that the collective ONE can evolve too? / Why do ‘bad’ things happen? / As we become ‘masters’, do we find ourselves recreated anew in each moment as the same being we chose ourselves to be in the last moment, or do we continue to evolve? / HUMILITY / A little more on INTENTION / Looking back at ‘mastery’ / What might happen after death? / AWARENESS – Everywhere & Nowhere / A brief simple but powerful MEDITATION, using your intention to help others. / STREAM poem / Meditation – How to use it for Subtle Activism / Free Thinking – Helping our Young People to Think for themselves / BEING REAL – Lennon in the Collective Consciousness / You Are the ONE poem.)

Aailable from our website – http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

Many more guides, such as MEDITATION ones, are also available from this page,
and also EASY AFFIRMATIONS TO EMPOWER YOU
and EASY VISUALISATIONS TO RELAX AND INSPIRE YOU

plus
OUR LIFE COACHING PACK
All 3 of my Achievable Goal Planning Sections in one bundle – How to Maximise Success, Help to Decide, and all FORMS to assist you
1 – How to HELP yourself DECIDE WHAT you really want to do.
Help with deciding on your goals in the first place. It’s best to get really clear before you begin the planning stage so that you don’t waste time and effort. For example, you could be trying to decide which course to study, what to do as a career (or change of career), or for a hobby etc, but you can also apply it to any decision you are not sure about (like moving home, ending a relationships, travelling etc). We do sometimes subconsciously block our own progress, particularly if we are not sure what we want, or if we don’t have enough self esteem or confidence in ourselves.
2 – HOW TO develop achievable Goal Plans, and put realistic Timescales, Support, and Rewards in place TO MAXIMISE SUCCESS
Includes details of what to think about before starting your plan. Includes details of how to prepare plans successfully by avoiding certain pitfalls.  Includes details of how to keep motivated and communicate your needs to rally support.
3 – Goal Setting FORMS
Includes blank form for your use, plus a tutor form with guidelines on, plus several examples.
Examples include: 1) paying off debts, 2) losing weight & getting fit alongside study times, job, and committee obligations,  3) planning workshops with all the admin etc included, and 4) Improving Belief in Self as Parent and as having Valuable Skills & a Right to a Career of Own Choosing.

http://www.radiance-solutions.co.uk/essenceguides.htm

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Access our full stress busting guide here

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